Tag: trauma

Trauma Bonds& Children

Did you know that we’re not the only ones who experience trauma-bonding in toxic relationships?

If you have a narcissist in your home with your children (as their parent or otherwise), they will become trauma-bonded, too.

This partly explains why many children, regardless of age, seem to “side” with the narcissistic parent. There are other reasons for this, but trauma bonding is one of the primary ones. They can’t help themselves.

I wrote an article about the damage narcissists does to children. You can read it here:

👉 https://bit.ly/NarcissistsDevastateChildren

Just as you have a hard time analyzing why you dislike the narcissist, but can’t seem to leave them, children are even less equipped to handle trauma-bonding and the other symptoms that arise from narcissistic abuse.

Many of the same dynamics that you experience in your relationship with the narcissist, your children are also experiencing, no matter how much you may try to shield them.

For example, if the narcissist is your partner and they constantly cheat on you, your children experience the backlash from this, as well. And not only from the narcissist, unfortunately. Think about it…if you’re constantly cheated on by the narcissist, how many hours do you spend playing detective, checking out social media for proof, researching narcissism, having meltdowns in your bedroom, and chatting in the forums?

What often happens is that children are not only ignored and neglected by the narcissist, but you can’t be present with them, either, when you are constantly devastated by repeated infidelities and other relationship dramas.

But aside from that, your children become trauma-bonded to the very person you’re trying to protect them from. There’s really no way to shield them from this if there is a narcissist in the home.

Just as you become euphoric over relationship crumbs, so do children.

Just as you become devastated by the lies, so do children.

We want to believe that children are emotionally resilient, but we are now seeing the devastating effects of this old belief. Just as with us, the trauma they experience becomes deeply embedded and affects them their whole lives…often leading them into their own toxic relationships as they mature and become adults.

When there is a narcissist in the home, children cannot learn what healthy love is and many of their own needs are overlooked or unnoticed. There isn’t a magical bubble that protects them from the dysfunctional dynamics of toxic relationships with dysfunctional people.

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Ready to put up an electric fence? Then (if you haven’t already), make sure you watch my free workshop on severing trauma bonds.

🖥️ https://bit.ly/7StepsBreaktheNarcissisticSpell

Always thinking of you. Xo

Kim

Struggling?

If you are struggling and feeling as if it is too difficult to go on with life here in the physical, please reconsider. when our passing over is self inflicted we don’t go to hell. Instead we experience a kind of spiritual rehab and healing. Although we are aware of the love of our loved ones on the other side, we must heal and go through a more intense soul review. Once you come into a state of deeper soul understanding you will join your loved ones.

If you are in physical body there is a purpose for your being here. Even when it makes no sense and you are suffering, your soul is choosing to be here to accelerate your ascension into a higher state of being. The more our struggle, the more potential we have to advance into a state of profound enlightenment and joy.

When we leave here through our own doing we will return in another life with the same and usually more challenging circumstances. Whatever issues pushed us to make the decision to leave needs to be met again and again, until we find within ourselves the power and love to transform.

I wish for you the presence of pure love and angelic protection. Your physical life is a blessing and gift, even when it hurts and seems so so difficult. The divine is within and surrounding you, now and forever. Allow the higher presence of love to be the healing in every circumstance in your life and in your heart, mind and soul.

Trauma Response


The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response.
Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you.
From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you.
From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honoured your heart.
From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave.
From all the situations when someone told you “we’re in this together” or “I got you” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when shit got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.
From all the lies and all the betrayals.
You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.
Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE.
You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball… because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right?
You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you.
Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.
So, you don’t trust anyone.
And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people.
To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable.
“Never again,” you vow.
But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall.
Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either.
Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming.
It’s a trauma response.
The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed.
You are worthy of having support.
You are worthy of having true partnership.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of having your heart held.
You are worthy to be adored.
You are worthy to be cherished.
You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually deliver on that promise.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy.
You don’t have to earn it.
You don’t have to prove it.
You don’t have to bargain for it.
You don’t have to beg for it.
You are worthy.
Worthy.
Simply because you exist.

  • Jamila White

Covert Narcissist

I’ve worked with many wonderful people who weren’t sure they were being subjected to narcissistic or emotional abuse because the person who was hurting them didn’t call them names or fly into narcissistic rages.⁣⁣

This is one of the traits of covert or “closet” narcissists. ⁣⁣

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I once knew a cerebral narcissist who was averse to shouting, yet he was very practiced at causing emotional pain in other ways.⁣⁣

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I know it’s hard to come to acceptance that someone you care about and love is narcissistic, or even a full-blown narcissist. This is partly due to having formed a trauma bond with them. Much like Stockholm Syndrome, targets of narcissistic abuse develop feelings of trust or affection towards their abuser. This is a survival mechanism.⁣⁣

⁣⁣

The main differences between these two phenomena are that with narcissistic abuse, you experience the same feelings as someone in a hostage situation…only instead of a stranger, it’s someone you know and love. And unlike a hostage situation consisting of a locked door or secret holding space, the prison is mostly in your own mind (owing, of course, to long-term manipulation and gaslighting).⁣⁣

⁣⁣

There are many ways narcissists implement and engage in emotional and narcissistic abuse. Listen to your gut. They may not meet every single criterion on whatever checklists you’ve seen, but it’s important to keep in mind that it only takes one pathological trait for a narcissist to destroy another person’s life. ⁣⁣

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#stockholmsyndrome #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships

Woman without her Mother

“A daughter without her mother is a woman broken. It is a loss that turns to arthritis and settles deep into her bones.”

~ Kristin Hannah, Summer Island

Art: Lucy Pierce

@hearth_song

#SacredSistersFullMoonCircle #Spirituality #WomensWisdom #WomensEmpowerment #RedTent #Goddess #GoddessStudies #GoddessCircle #SacredFeminine #CyclicalLiving #WheeloftheYear #Mythology #Magick #Folklore #FolkTradition #BeautyTruthandLove #SeasonoftheMother #GodTheMother

No ByPass for Anger & Rage

“You don’t get to bypass your anger and your rage, and call yourself peaceful in your avoidance. Your ability to feel anger or rage is not an accident. On the contrary, it is a great gift.

Rage is an intelligent fire. It is infused with its own magic, and born of love. And we need this intelligent fire to unfreeze ourselves from the glaciers of time.

Rage is not innately ugly. That which summons it, usually is. The platitude Love is all there is does not also recognize that if this is so, then all things must be born of the One Love. So how do they become so distorted and painful on their ways down from eternity to the nitty-gritty human experience?

Rage is not hate. Hate emerges from rage not recognized, responsibility not taken, the projection of blame for one’s own suffering onto others who are not to blame.

Rage places responsibility where it belongs. Rage recognizes what our part is in our suffering. Rage also recognizes when we are carrying the responsibility that belongs with someone else. Rage refuses to carry the inappropriate burden of the choices made by others. Rage fights back for a change that creates balance and justice. Rage is not the great punisher, but the equalizer and the liberator.

If you do not walk through the fires of your rage, or you do not admit that rage lives within you, you cannot find the dancing prayer that opens the gates of The Wildness. You will have too many holes burned into your vessel. If you cannot hold it, you cannot experience it, and it will not free you, so you may not enter.

You will attempt to howl at the moon in all her glory, and your breath will escape from the hole in the back of your neck, or on the right side of your chest or out of your belly. You will wail and remember that your rage cannot be nearly as terrible as is life as a piece of swiss cheese.

Without your intelligent fire, parts of you will remain cold and isolated, separate from the hearth and home at the core of your being. They are there because you thought they were compromising your survival. But you can see now, can’t you, that without them survival is as good as it gets, and you want to thrive?

So find that rage, that intelligent fire, and call your children home. Release them from the bindings of blame and shame that is not theirs. Thank them. Welcome them. Feed them. Light up the night sky. Become whole, and let your rage be cleansed of guilt and shame, so it is given back its holy shine.

Rage can protect the innocent. Defrost the frozen, traumatized parts of your experience. Defend the sacred, the wild, and the natural. Rage can inform peace, but it won’t bring us all the way. No, for that you need everything you are. But without your rage, you won’t be able to retrieve yourself and become whole enough to find out.

Your journey is epic.

You are a miracle.

The Wildness is howling for your return.

Bring your rage with you.”

~ Alison Nappi

@alisonnappi

https://www.facebook.com/alisonnappi.author

Art: Julia Jeffrey,

Stonemaiden Art

@stonemaidenart

#SacredSistersFullMoonCircle #Spirituality. #WomensWisdom #WomensEmpowerment #RedTent #SacredFeminine #Goddess #GoddessCircle #GoddessStudies #CyclicalLiving #WheeloftheYear #Mythology #Magick #Folklore #FolkTradition #Rage