Tag: survivors

Trauma Bonds – Charlie McCready

How can the child still suffer from trauma bonds and loyalties towards the abusive alienating parent even when the truth about their behaviour comes to light? How can the child come over to see me but not take off their coat as if they won’t settle in or stay long? How can we have plans for them to spend the first Christmas with me in a decade, but then, at the last minute, they cancel because they say nobody should be alone at Christmas and they need to be with their other parent forgetting or ignoring the fact I’ve spent many Christmases without them? Why don’t they tell me about important events in their life? Is it a habit to keep me at a ‘safe’ distance after all these years? Why do they mostly call when they want a favour? Why do they still believe I abandoned them? These have been some of my questions.

Reconciliation between an alienated child and a rejected parent can be a complex and challenging process, and it is not uncommon for the effects of parental alienation to persist even after the truth comes to light. The alienating parent employed various emotional manipulation tactics to create trauma bonds with the child and instil fear, guilt, or loyalty. Breaking these bonds can be difficult, as the child may have internalised these messages and developed a distorted perception of the rejected parent. The child may have experienced emotional abuse, coercion, or threats from the alienating parent, leading to deep-seated fear and trust issues. Rebuilding trust and feeling safe with the rejected parent can take time and require ongoing support. The child may struggle with conflicting emotions and beliefs. They may have been taught to see the rejected parent as the enemy or as someone unworthy of love, and reconciling this narrative with the new information can be psychologically challenging. The child may feel strongly loyal to the alienating parent, even if they were abusive or manipulative. This loyalty can stem from a fear of abandonment, a desire for approval, or a need to protect the alienating parent’s feelings.

Healing takes time. The child – or young adult – needs to process their emotions, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and rebuild their relationship with the rejected parent. What’s vital is that you do your healing first so you can welcome them with open arms, having let go of your anger and grief, and just give them love.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#alienatedparent

#ParentalAlienationSyndrome

#parentalalienation

#custodybattle

#childcustody

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatter

#FamilyCourt

Targeted Parents / Charlie Mc Cready

As an alienated parent, you might be up against manipulative tactics that encourage your child to engage in behaviours you find unacceptable, especially when it involves badmouthing and rejecting you. The alienating parent often uses these tactics to curry favor, painting themselves as the ‘good’ parent in contrast to your ‘strict’, ā€˜old-fashionedā€™ or ‘uncool’ demeanor. This manipulation is not in the child’s best interest. In a healthy co-parenting arrangement, both parents work together to teach their children the right way to treat others and navigate life. Unfortunately, in cases of parental alienation, this collaboration is absent.

Parenting an alienated child requires a counterintuitive approach. It’s natural to want to defend yourself against constant criticism, but your actions speak louder than words. If ever, and whenever you have time with your child, focus on making them feel loved, supported, and safe. Let them feel heard. If they cross boundaries, gently but firmly remind them: “That isn’t a nice thing to say,” “That isn’t true,” or “Remember the rules in my house, please.” Maintain these boundaries with a light touch, drawing a line in the sand while staying strong and loving.

Showing up with love, kindness, and a positive attitude is crucial. Make your time with your child joyful and free of negativity and confrontation. When they leave their time with you feeling loved and happy, they will be more likely to want to spend time with you again. This positive experience can help them question the alienating parent’s narrative and see through the manipulation.

Traditional parenting styles often do not work with alienated children because the natural attachment bonds with your child are under attack. You are effectively parenting with your hands tied. By adapting your approach, arming yourself with conscious parenting, and being a role model of mental health and happiness, you give your child the best chance to resist the negative influence of the alienating parent and develop into their best selves.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#parentalalienationawareness

#consciousparenting

#narcissisticparent

#FathersMatter

#mothersmatter

#childcustody

Heavy Hearts šŸ˜¢ā¤ļø /Charlie McCready

Parents whose children have been coerced and manipulated to reject them carry a heavy heart. The pain of being unjustly and cruelly alienated from one’s own children is an emotionally devastating and deeply challenging cross to bear. Carrying on means persevering through difficult circumstances, remaining resilient in the face of adversity, and prioritising your well-being and personal growth. It involves finding ways to cope with the emotional pain, and seeking support from trusted individuals. It means getting on with your life but hoping your child will regain clarity and autonomy. Ultimately, carrying on despite this heavy burden is an act of resilience, love, and hope. It is a testament to your strength and determination to navigate the challenges of parental alienation while keeping your heart open for the possibility of reconciliation and a renewed connection with your children. You are AMAZING.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#parentalalienationawareness

#alienatedparent

The narcissist marriage of servitude / Control not connection

When you marry a narcissistic man, you never get a chance to be a wife; instead, you take on the role of a mother because these adults behave like man-children.

They go to work Monday through Friday and then spend their weekends sitting in front of a laptop, downloading music, playing video games, or making messes for you to clean up.

You find yourself single and a father simultaneously, taking on the burden of responsibilities without the support of a partner.

Narcissists don’t marry for love or partnership; they marry because they want a maid, cook, secretary, banker, and a nanny.

They crave control, not connection. Their selfish desires consume them, leaving you to run the household, raise the children, and satisfy their every whim.

Your dreams of a loving and equal relationship are shattered, replaced by the harsh reality of servitude.

As days turn into weeks, and weeks into years, you become a shadow of your old self.

Your identity is erased, replaced by the exhausting duties of handling a narcissist’s life.

You are obliged to sacrifice your own desires, interests and friendships to accommodate their demands.

Emotional childbirth is suffocating, leaving you drained, resentful, and wondering how you ended up in this nightmare.

You’re not alone in this fight.

Many women have fallen prey to the charming facade of a narcissist, only to find themselves trapped in a loveless and ungrateful role.

Remember, you deserve better.

You deserve a partner who loves, supports, and respects you.

Defining Parental Alienation

There is some debate surrounding the term “parental alienation” that reflects broader complexities within the realms of mental health, legal practice, and social dynamics. Let’s break it down:ā 

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Parental Alienation: This term is recognised chiefly by those who have experienced it for themselves, it is a way for us to find each other in what otherwise is an isolating, traumatic experience. The term itself refers to a situation where one parent deliberately manipulates their child’s perception of the other parent, often leading to the child’s unjustified rejection or hostility towards that parent where, before separation or divorce, there existed a good, loving bond.ā 

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Some renowned experts in the field prefer the term “attachment disorder” or ā€œattachment-based parental alienationā€ to describe the dynamics seen in what others might label as “parental alienation.” The argument is that focusing on attachment disorders provides a more nuanced understanding of the underlying psychological mechanisms. Others criticise the term “parental alienation”, claiming it to be ā€˜debunkedā€™ ā€˜pseudoscienceā€™ which is misused in legal contexts. Certain women’s advocacy groups argue that the term “parental alienation” can be weaponized by abusive individuals, particularly men, to deflect accountability and continue exerting control over their former partners.ā 

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However, with all this debate, we are divided rather than united in combating the real problem, which is partner/spousal and child psychological abuse. The focus should not solely be on debating semantics or labels but rather on addressing the actual harm inflicted upon children and families when one parent uses them as pawns in their own conflicts. Whether termed “parental alienation” or viewed through the lens of attachment disorders, the fundamental issue is the manipulation and abuse of children for personal gain or vengeance. By prioritizing the well-being of children and holding accountable those who engage in such harmful behaviours, we can work towards fostering healthier familial relationships and protecting vulnerable individuals from further harm.ā 

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#alienated