Tag: relationships

Truth in Love

Yes I believe in love that accepts the shadow & the light ; I don’t believe I’m the dumping station for rage šŸ˜”, lies , secrets and trick after trick after trick .

Are you over your X , YES ( tested in 2008 , I was 100% there )

Nothing has changed that and sadly I see the train wreck that karma returns to make or break a person who doesn’t grasp that ego is a passenger not a driver šŸ’Æ

Never say you love someone if you have never witnessed their anger, their bad habits, their absurd beliefs, and their contradictions. Anyone can love sunsets and happiness, only a few can love chaos and decay.

Love is often romanticized as a flawless, blissful experience, filled with sunsets and happiness. However, true love transcends these idealized moments. It delves into the depths of human complexity, embracing not just the beauty but also the chaos and imperfections that make us uniquely human.

When we say we love someone, itā€™s easy to focus on their positive attributesā€”their kindness, their humor, their grace. But true love goes beyond this. It requires us to witness and accept the entirety of a person, including their anger, bad habits, absurd beliefs, and contradictions. These aspects are often hidden from the world but are an integral part of who they are.

Anger, for instance, can reveal underlying pain, frustration, or vulnerability. It is during these moments of emotional upheaval that we see a person’s raw, unfiltered self. Witnessing and understanding their anger requires patience and empathy. It demands that we look beyond the immediate outburst to the deeper emotions driving it. True love involves standing by someone in these moments, offering support and understanding rather than judgment or rejection.

Bad habits are another facet of the human experience. They can range from minor quirks to more significant issues. While they may be annoying or even problematic, loving someone means acknowledging these habits as part of their identity. It means recognizing that everyone has flaws and that these imperfections do not diminish their worth. Instead, they add depth to their character, presenting opportunities for growth and deeper connection.

Absurd beliefs and contradictions are also part of what makes us human. We all hold views or engage in behaviors that may seem irrational or contradictory to others. These aspects can challenge our patience and understanding, but they also provide a window into the person’s inner world. They reflect their experiences, fears, hopes, and dreams. Loving someone involves respecting their right to hold these beliefs, even if we donā€™t share them or fully understand them.

Loving someone in their entiretyā€”embracing both their light and their shadowā€”requires a deep level of commitment and maturity. It means choosing to see the whole person, not just the parts that are convenient or pleasing. It involves a willingness to navigate the complexities of their character, to support them in their struggles, and to celebrate their victories.

This kind of love is rare and precious. It is not based on superficial attractions or fleeting emotions. It is grounded in a profound understanding and acceptance of the other person. It requires us to confront our own fears and insecurities, to be vulnerable and open. It demands that we let go of idealized notions of perfection and embrace the messy, beautiful reality of human existence.

In essence, true love is about seeing and accepting the whole person. It is about loving someone not just for their sunsets and happiness, but also for their chaos and decay. It is about finding beauty in their imperfections and strength in their vulnerabilities. It is about being there for them in their darkest moments, offering a steady hand and a compassionate heart.

This kind of love transforms both the lover and the beloved. It fosters deep connection and intimacy, creating a bond that is resilient and enduring. It teaches us about the true nature of loveā€”not as a fleeting emotion, but as a profound, life-affirming force that embraces the full spectrum of human experience.

Never will I allow someone to park their unhealed rage , to attack me .

Light bearers do bring out others demons šŸ‘

Men take longer ā¤ļø

“Men process emotions slower than women

A couple of days I wrote a lightening post that said:

ā€œHe needs to slow down when it comes to her body. She needs to slow down when it comes to his heartā€ of which many asked me me to expand upon slowing down with a manā€™s heart.

So here you go, itā€™s a long post yet worth the read:

There is an interesting brain structure called the corpus callosum that is distinctly important in the differences between men and women.

What this part of the brain is responsible for is the switching between left and right brain modes of thinking.

Women have a distinctly thicker corpus callosum, generally, than men.

What this means is that women have much more neural density connecting the two hemispheres than men do, and are capable of switching between right and left brain modes of thinking at a much higher speed.

The left part of our brain deals with the logical, rational, practical, objective and tangible aspects of reality, whilst the right part of our brain, however, deals with abstract, creative, feeling, emotional, sensual and intuitive aspects of reality.

In the left hemisphere we process the concrete and actionable parts of our life and relationships. In the right hemisphere we process the subtle, relational and intangible parts of our life and relationships.

With less density of connection between the two hemispheres, men take time (and often considerable effort) to shift from an analytical and rational orientation to an emotional and relational one.

This doesnā€™t mean they canā€™t, it just takes longer.

When a woman comes to her man with an emotional issue, he is more than likely sitting contentedly in his left brain (which is where most men are more comfortable) and suddenly he is being asked to meet her over there in the right brain.

Gathering all his effort he begins the laborious journey over to the feeling part of the brain.

In the meantime, she has processed significant parts of the emotion and is bewildered at his lack of responsiveness.

His inability to meet her, right here right now, sets off all kinds of alarm bells of rejection and she rushes over to the left part of the brain to find solutions to what might be going wrong, and then back again to the right. This rapid switching sends her brain into overdrive.

The poor man has only just arrived in the right brain and is trying to make sense of this vast feeling world that is now swirling all around him.

They are operating at entirely different speeds now.

She is 12 steps ahead wondering what the hell is wrong with him!?

She asks him a feeling-based question, and 18 seconds pass without him opening his mouth.

To her it feels like 3 hours have gone by already.

ā€œHe doesnā€™t care at all about this, about me, about our relationship!!ā€

He is digging deep inside into this less familiar territory trying to make sense of how he actually feels about it, and is gathering himself to speak.

Finally a sentence tumbles out of his mouth, and it is clunky and unformedā€¦ and so stupidlyā€¦ male!

A bomb explodes inside of her.

She interrupts him.

He gets defensive.

They fight.

The emotions are the domain of the heart and men move slower here.

Men process emotions slower.

Men take longer to open their hearts.

Men take longer to open after a fight.

Men take longer to recover after a breakup.

Generally.

When women understand this about men, they can support him immensely into deepening into the deep worlds of intimacy, of which men are absolutely capable of journeying, through patience, time and space.

The other day my partner, Katie, and I were talking through some deep and vulnerable parts of our relationship.

It was sensitive and raw, and after she had finished sharing she asked me a question.

She reflected later how long I took to start replying, and that half way through I paused for what seemed like 3-4 minutes (in her perception, in actuality it was probably more like 30 seconds).

As she sat quietly with me, I was able to keep digging deeper, finding deeper and deeper layers of my feelings and thoughts and where I finished was so much more vulnerable than when I started, and so much more profound in the depth of intimacy it afforded us.

Containing her urge to rush through, or to take my extended moments of silence as disinterest, supported me in touching these parts of myself.

That level of safety, care and holding from the feminine for a manā€™s slow heart is so healing.

When I receive this kind of slow feminine presence from Katie my heart opens more every time.

My love expands and our intimacy grows.

This is a secret key.”

[In my next post I will talk more about the reciprocal of this dynamic, how men can support a womanā€™s body to open with presence]

~Damien Bohler

This is a Beautiful reminder for all of us women. šŸŒ¹)

Parental Alienation- More than a phase – Charlie McCready

The people who say ‘it’s just a phase’, ‘enjoy your freedom’ and things like this probably mean well but totally misunderstand the pain and trauma of parental alienation, the not knowing when/if we’ll see our children again. It’s not empty nest syndrome, either. Nor is it estrangement when a child has a justified reason for not wanting to see a parent. Alienation is unjustified, coerced, and psychological abuse from a parent with an attachment disorder, narcissism, and/or a vengeance campaign against a loved/loving parent. I’ve taken inspiration from Simone de Beauvoir’s quote: ‘ā€œHer wings are cut, and then she is blamed for not knowing how to fly.ā€ Our children have their wings clipped, certainly. It is covert abuse, and so many people don’t get it. Even people who really should get it. Others suffering from alienation as a knock-on effect, such as grandparents, understand it (though not all), but friends and others say these things to us from a place of kindness but ignorance. They don’t mean to hurt us more with their lack of understanding. May they never know how far off the mark they are.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienationawareness

#parentalalienation

#alienatedchild

#childabuse

#FamilyCourt

#FathersMatter

#fathersrights

#mothersrights

#custodybattle

You deserve a man who ..

You deserve a man who brings out the strength and ease in you, not anxiety. You deserve love that feels empowering.

You deserve a man who appreciates your efforts and values your contributions. A man who sees your strengths and supports you in your endeavors. Your love should feel like a partnership where both of you grow and thrive together.

You deserve a man who values open and honest communication. A man who listens to you, understands your perspective, and values your thoughts. Your love should be a safe space where you can express yourself freely without fear of judgment.

You deserve a man who stands by you during challenging times. A man who offers you support and encouragement, helping you navigate through lifeā€™s ups and downs. Your love should be a source of strength and resilience.

You deserve a man who reciprocates your efforts. A man who puts in as much effort as you do to make the relationship work. Your love should be a balanced and mutual exchange of care and commitment.

You deserve a man who respects your individuality and encourages you to pursue your passions. A man who celebrates your achievements and stands by you as you chase your dreams. Your love should inspire you to be the best version of yourself.

You deserve a man who builds a relationship on trust and loyalty. A man who is faithful and dependable, providing you with a sense of security. Your love should be a strong foundation that you can always rely on.

You deserve a man who nurtures your emotional well-being. A man who offers empathy, kindness, and understanding. Your love should feel comforting and reassuring, lifting you up during difficult times.

You deserve a man who adds joy and positivity to your life. A man who brings laughter and happiness into your days. Your love should be a source of joy, making your life brighter and more fulfilling.

You deserve a man who respects your boundaries and values your needs. A man who understands the importance of mutual respect and gives you the space you need. Your love should feel respectful and considerate.

You deserve a man who makes you feel appreciated and cherished. A man who acknowledges your worth and makes you feel valued. Your love should be filled with gratitude and admiration.

You deserve a man who is committed to growing together. A man who is willing to work through challenges and evolve with you. Your love should be a journey of continuous growth and improvement.

You deserve a man who makes you feel at ease and comfortable. A man who makes you feel relaxed and at home. Your love should feel like a safe haven, free from stress and anxiety.

You deserve a man who loves you for who you are. A man who accepts your flaws and embraces your strengths. Your love should be unconditional, making you feel loved and accepted just as you are.

– Abhikesh

Letting Go of Old Wounds

LETTING GO OF WOUNDS, TO BECOME MORE:

Some gentle, and loving rhetorical questions that I pray supports even just one person:

Are you still holding on to WOUNDS that caused you pain and suffering. Last week, last year, 30 years ago, or from your early childhood? Are you still consciously choosing to HOLD ON to those painful inner wounds. Are you ignoring that they are still there in the foreground or background of what you are creating in expression to self or any others? Where sub consciously pain lingers on, within you. And arises again and again in your creations, in any moment, in any experience, with any one.

For it is only in the choosing at each oneā€™s perfect timing, that we LET GO of ā€˜pastā€™ experiences that happened in that moment. And can seemingly create an experience of holding on to pain, that leads to inner sustained sufferings.

Old wounds, if not seen and let go of, create for the individual, new woundings that can occur again and again, ONLY as a self creational result of the old wounds still being held onto. Consciously or subconsciously, they run in the background or foreground.

It is an individual choice, to not ā€˜forgiveā€™ self. Or not ā€˜forgiveā€™ any other. Yet a lack of forgiveness is the choosing of simply, HOLDING ON to your own inner pain. When we ā€˜forgiveā€™ our self, or any other outside of us, we are choosing to LET GO of our OWN human personality pain that is the cause of more suffering. In the highest DIVINE truth, there is never anything to forgive. It is a human misunderstood idea. The greater truth is in REPENTANCE. For if we have had thoughts, words or actions we are truly sorry for, we will WANT to change our own self and be a higher version the next time. If we have no inner repentance, we are effectively showing our CONSCIOUSNESS that we are not wishing to CHANGE. And so we are left be, as per oneā€™s choice, to not expand into more consciousness, and will continue to play in a paradigm of lower energy frequencies. If we are choosing to not forgive another outside of us, we are choosing to hold on to lower frequency energies that harbour within us. So again our next created ā€˜realityā€™ will mirror that choice to us for us to see. There is always a choice, to let something go, from within you. So that you can create WITHOUT carrying inner energetic emotional or mental burdens (baggage) where inner programmes keep cycling and lower frequencies are still being operated. Generally speaking the lower three chakras that are lower energetic frequencies of fear, control and self serving desire that humanity HAS been immersed in for ions of ā€˜timeā€™, that one by one, is lifting out of.

In this collective rising of humanities consciousnessā€¦.Can you let go of wounds still carried. And if not now in such huge gifts of heightening frequencies and momentum, then when? And if not now then why? There is NO right or wrong choice for ANY being. There is just always choice. These are all quiet, inner, self reflective questions simply to thyself. They affect the human self and thus your creations. And thus this onward lifetime, after life and onward sojourn.

It is by making conscious choice to LET GO of your inner woundings (that hold onto lower energetic frequencies of HERTZ within you), you become lighter, of the higher frequencies, and weightless of inner burdens carried. Of less energetic density. The mind becomes less weighted down, for LOVE is weightlessness. When you let go of old traumas and old beliefs that have a HOLD over you and thus keep you CONTAINED, you set yourself free. More and more and more, until you are OUT of the old game and are sustaining a higher frequency state that can (if you wish) keep on rising.

Ever lasting eternal joy, and eternal peace arises from within you for no outer reasons. And your ever lasting eternalness is known consciously to you as your first state. These are not a result of outer life circumstances or outer acquisitions that feed the ego desires of being immersed and sustained IN a world of holographic temporary experiences. These states of being joy, love, eternal peace, bliss and harmony ARE your TRUE and very natural STATE of being. They are experienced within you, for no outer reason. It is this you return to being. And also MORE than this (more than 5D), if you chooseā€¦

Woundings, sufferings, burdens carried are let go of step by step, through your embodiment (awakening) journey. You take nothing within you, with you, except the Love within you. It is not a selfish love for self or for a few or all individuals. It is that LOVE becomes YOUR STATE of being. And so, in the knowing this is your TRUE state, may any being, allow themselves the gentle, inner, natural nurturing that pure love IS. Not the egoā€™s idea and delusion of love that is an idea of what love is, of the mind. For the mind does not FEEL Love. All Love, is Godā€™s alone. And so to allow the Presence of love within you, to emerge AS YOU, as you let go, of any remaining woundings, emotional and mental pain that causes you and others, continued suffering.

And when you do SURRENDER anything just quietly, sincerely and genuinely, from WITHIN YOU, you are instantly filled. You FEEL the RELEASE. Because you are allowing your true essence to become you more. It is only a matter of each oneā€™s timing. To let go of any inner pain still being carried. Holding on to pain, grasping it tightly of an experience, is holding on to the ā€˜oldā€™ version of human you. The new version is NOT more ego and more defense. The new versions are simplyā€¦Purest Love as a state of being. Not only does the holding on to old wounds affect you, your life, your inner patterns that become repeated cycles, and are held within behaviours and reactions towards any other, it also affects your onward creations that will arise ONLY to lovingly SHOW YOU your own woundings are STILL present and running you, to be let go of.

And the deeper beauty of coming out of all wounding, all suffering, all misperceptions, the older beliefs and versions of you, is that you HOLD deep and continuous multiple layers of seeing. And a compassion for ALL others, anywhere. For you have known what it was like to live and feel pain, carry it, not understand it in the HIGHEST DIVINE TRUTH, and you understand what it feels like to THEN be set free. And so deeper kindness, gentleness, understanding of humaness, and loveā€™s patience, allows you to hold space for all others. And often times, you will hold silent, quiet space, knowing to say nothing. For that can sometimes be the highest answer as your loving soul. A state where you see the perfection of everything, of every path, the perfection is beyond human, for it is as consciousness seeing multiple layers all at once. Everything just is. There is then nothing to TRY to mend outside of you. And everything to BE FROM. Give from. Where you allow your divine nature to become you more and more in conscious acts. As your energy, and your energy awareness. You are aware EVERYTHING and EVERY BEING is connected. And by that awareness, there is but ONE.

May you feel deeply, this is lovingly shared to support even just one person, and if not you, just let it go.

With Love Always

Amanda Lorence ā¤ļø

9 June 2024

Be Careful who you date & marry

Be careful who you date and marry, for the biggest prison in the world is a home without peace. The person you choose to share your life with will profoundly impact your happiness, well-being, and overall life trajectory. Itā€™s crucial to understand the importance of selecting a partner who adds to your peace, not one who drains it. This is especially true when dealing with narcissists, often referred to as toxic energy vampires, who are skilled at playing games and manipulating people.

Narcissists can be incredibly charming and persuasive at the beginning of a relationship. They are experts in creating an illusion of a perfect partner, often referred to as “love bombing.” During this phase, they will shower you with affection, compliments, and attention, making you feel exceptionally special and valued. This intense flattery and focus can be intoxicating, leading you to believe you’ve found someone extraordinary. However, this is a tactic to quickly win your trust and devotion.

Once they have secured your affection, narcissists often begin to shift their behavior subtly. They may start to devalue you through criticism, manipulation, and control, all while maintaining a facade of charm and concern. This gradual shift can be confusing and disorienting, leaving you questioning your own perceptions and feelings. Narcissists are skilled at gaslighting, a manipulative tactic designed to make you doubt your reality and become increasingly dependent on their approval and validation.

In relationships with narcissists, the highs and lows can be extreme. They might alternate between periods of affection and validation and periods of coldness and criticism. This cycle creates a rollercoaster of emotions, keeping you off balance and focused on regaining their approval. This dynamic is emotionally exhausting and can lead to a significant loss of self-esteem and self-worth over time.

A home with a narcissist is often filled with tension and conflict. Narcissists thrive on control and dominance, frequently disregarding your needs and feelings. Their inability to empathize with others can lead to a lack of genuine connection and mutual respect. Living in such an environment can feel like a constant battle, draining your energy and undermining your peace and happiness.

It’s essential to recognize the signs of narcissistic behavior early in a relationship to protect your well-being. Look for red flags such as excessive self-centeredness, a lack of empathy, a need for constant admiration, and a tendency to manipulate and control. Trust your instincts and prioritize your peace and happiness. Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial when dealing with potential narcissists.

In summary, be careful who you date and marry because the biggest prison in the world is a home without peace. Narcissists, or toxic energy vampires, are adept at playing games and manipulating people to secure their own needs and desires. By understanding their tactics and remaining vigilant, you can protect yourself from entering a relationship that drains your energy and undermines your peace. Your home should be a sanctuary of love, respect, and tranquility, not a battleground for dominance and control. Choose wisely, and prioritize your peace above all else.

White Ravens

” Mom, in the animal kingdom the Mom releases the child to the wild…yes I replied , in some species , for whatever reason the Mom eats her young..”

* He was in college, independent and bearing shame , and I was awakening and thoughts like this response , came from a place of surprise that I had any prior knowledge, healthy useful knowledge left after 13 years of intense toxic prescriptive medications, and trauma upon trauma ..