Tag: communication

Homelessness & Trauma

The case discussed had alcohol addiction and ” behavioral ” health treatment included a lot of prescribed drugs . These are supposed to be short term use only.

A survivor of childhood sex abuse , her lover became abusive and this sadly points to changes being required.

Homelessness alters everything and in my opinion she should not have been evicted while in treatment .

I don’t feel the obstacles to heal addictions are necessary in the name of service and help , including a list of RX which ongoing in treatment bring a whole new problem when seeking balance in life … seems never ending

www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/i-have-no-one-understanding-homelessness-and-trauma

Breaking the cycle of abandonment

‘BREAKING THE CYCLE OF ABANDONMENT

You can feel abandoned, yes.

You can feel lonely, far from love and life and warmth.

Others can trigger powerful feelings in you, yes.

But strip away the word, the concept, the story,

and return to the actuality of the living body.

What does it feel like, this abandonment?

How do you know you’ve been abandoned?

Attend to the sensations surging now in your belly, chest, throat.

Feel the fluttering, pulsating, stinging sensations.

Let them grow in intensity, or dissipate, and move.

Drench them with curious, loving attention.

Give them space; soften around them.

You’ve got to breathe into yourself now, friend,

for nobody is here to breathe into you,

and they cannot do that anyway.

The dream of love has died;

you are waking up to the reality of love.

Love does not come from without. It never did.

It was always within you. It was your power.

It was always your job, you see, to love yourself,

to not beg for love, or seek it externally,

or wait for it, or try to hold onto it,

but to drench yourself with it, moment by precious moment.

Do not abandon yourself when you feel abandoned,

for there is a pain worse than abandonment:

the abandonment of self, the flight from presence.

Blame doesn’t work here.

Focus on ‘the one who abandoned you’, and you are powerless.

Break the cycle of abandonment, then.

Focus on ‘the abandoned one’, this precious child within.

Invite loving attention deep within the belly, heart, head.

Breathe into the ground. Feel your own aliveness.

You have not been abandoned. Life is here.

Love is here. You are here.

And from here, a new life grows.

And as you learn to not abandon yourself,

you will, in time, attract others

who are not abandoning themselves either;

others who will not abandon you.

For now you cannot be abandoned:

You refuse to abandon yourself.

Abandonment is an old word for you now.

Too dramatic for your body.

Nobody can abandon you:

they can only move

to another place,

with their pain.

Abandonment is the story of lost love,

an old story, for love cannot be lost,

only rediscovered deep within.

You are courageous enough to be present now.

You have broken the addiction of a lifetime:

You have discovered the deep joy

of being alone.’

– Jeff Foster

Image: Shanti Penelope

Adult Children ; Survivors of Alienation by parent

As target parents we sometimes lose sight of how hard it is for our alienated kids to reunify with us, especially when our alienated kids are adults as it seems they should be able to easily resume treating us normally. It’s important to remember that it can take super-natural bravery for our kids to reunify with us as they face so many hard and scary scenarios to reunify with us. One of the hard and scary scenarios they must face is…What to tell people about how they’re letting you back into their life when people have been thoroughly convinced that you’re too “crazy, unsafe, unstable, etc etc etc” to have a relationship with? Maybe you’ve been alienated for years to the point that you were excluded from the child’s biggest life moments such as their wedding or the birth of a child so people really are fully immersed in the lies that you’re deserving of total rejection. After all, you MUST be a monster to have not even been included in your own child’s wedding or the birth of their child. After many years of an alienation so deep with convincing lies, it can be overwhelming for the alienated adult child to think about how to explain to people why they would let you back into their life. After all, an alienated child is not going to say “Well, to be honest, my parent was never actually a bad person or did anything wrong. I was put in the position to reject them by my other parent.”

So what can or should you say if you want to reunify with your target parent but don’t know how to explain it to people. The answer is simple. As in almost everything related to reunification, saying less is more. All the adult child needs to say to people is “We’re working things out.” That’s it. “We’re working things out.” Repeat as needed. If you’re an adult child who is reunifying with your target parent and are struggling with this specific challenge, keep a few things in mind. 1) It only takes 2 seconds to say “We’re working things out.” 2 seconds. 2) When you give such a direct and firm answer, people rarely ask more questions. It’s highly unlikely that they will ask you for specifics. If they do ask you, you can say “We can talk about it later” or you can say “”We just wanted to work things out.” You’re under no obligation to anyone to explain further unless it’s someone you want to explain it to further. 3) 99.9% of people will be HAPPY for you! Their response will mostly likely be “That’s great!” because the truth is most people know that we all naturally want good relationships with both of our parents.

While it’s “simple” to make the 2 second statement of “We’re working things out,” we need to recognize that it’s still hard to do. And this is just ONE OF the reasons it’s hard for alienated adult kids to reunify with their target parent. We need to recognize the incredible courage an alienated adult child must use to reunify with their target parent. This is a bigger brave than many people can ever imagine.

Message 2Men The Great Remembrance

Dear Men..

We miss you.

Deeply.

When women gather together in circles..

we tell stories of how much we long for you. Crave you.

Pray for you to rise and meet us here.

We mourn your missing presence.

In our childhoods.

In the homes we’ve built without you.

In our beds.

We hold hands and beg God to set you free from whatever keeps you from standing at our sides.

Right here.

Here In intimacy.

In integrity.

In wholeness.

In freedom.

The places where you are caught in dishonesty..

shame..

fear..

addiction..

we grieve and rage over.

We see your pain and we see your power.

We miss you.

We love you.

We can’t wait for you to come home

For the men who have..

thank you so much.

Please call your brothers..

start men’s circles..

show them the manuals.

Tell them of what you gave up.

Of your brokenness and acceptance.

Of what it truly means to take up the mantle of protector.

Please.

There aren’t enough fathers..

resources and leaders for men to sit at the feet of.

The women have tried.

We can’t do it.

The restoration must come from within the Masculine.

The Feminine cannot mother grown men into wholeness.

We cannot strap men to our backs and walk.

We tried.

We bow out.

Not gracefully.

But in mournful acceptance nonetheless.

And we will wait for you to burst free from the shackles patriarchy has placed on you.

We pray.

We pray.

We pray.

For the Great Remembrance.

~ Shade Ashani