Tag: Children

Agreeing just to keep the peace /Trauma Response – Charlie McCready

Agreeing to things just to keep the peace is a trauma response. It’s a way of surviving in a hostile or controlling environment where saying ‘no’ or ‘I don’t believe you’ isn’t an option without severe consequences. This response is often seen in alienated children—children who have been manipulated and coerced to the point that their own needs and feelings no longer matter. Instead, they learn to prioritise the emotions and expectations of the alienating parent. They walk on eggshells, eager to placate and please, because defiance causes even more trauma than they’re already dealing with.

This behaviour becomes a form of self-protection, a way to avoid conflict and ensure that they remain in the good graces of the parent who controls their reality. Over time, these children can lose the ability to recognise their own boundaries, and their sense of self becomes enmeshed with the parent’s demands and manipulations. Their ‘agreeability’ isn’t a sign of compliance but of survival. They’ve learned that resistance leads to emotional punishment—withdrawal of love, guilt trips, or accusations of betrayal. So, they agree, they nod along, and they become what they think the alienating parent wants them to be, sacrificing their own comfort, autonomy, and well-being.

Similarly, the need to be constantly busy can also be a sign of trauma. When a child is caught in a world of conflicting loyalties and intense emotional manipulation, stillness and quiet can become unbearable. There’s research into ADHD and alienated children which is very interesting, if alarming. But being alone with their thoughts means confronting feelings of anxiety, guilt, and confusion—the result of a parent’s relentless campaign to control their mind and emotions. Constant busyness, then, becomes a way to avoid these feelings—a distraction from the chaos brewing beneath the surface.

But this coping strategy comes at a cost. It prevents them from ever truly understanding what they want, who they are, and where their own boundaries lie. Instead, they become attuned to others, hyper-vigilant to the moods and reactions of those around them, and disconnected from their own inner world. The challenge is that these patterns sometimes can persist into adulthood, long after the child has left the direct influence of the alienating parent. We, as alienated parents, have had to learn this the hard way. Many of us lived for years in a state of constant appeasement—agreeing, conceding, and sacrificing parts of ourselves to keep the peace with our abusive ex-partners. It’s taken time, therapy, and a great deal of inner work to realise that

agreeing just to avoid conflict isn’t harmony. And we’ve had to learn to say ‘no’, to walk away, and to reclaim our sense of sovereignty.

The same journey is ahead for our children. They, too, will have to unlearn the trauma responses they developed out of necessity. They will need to realise, as we did, that their value doesn’t lie in their ability to keep the peace, to stay busy, or to put others’ needs before their own. One day, we hope they will come to understand that they are not just the product of a manipulative parent’s expectations. They are not defined by the demands of those who sought to control (or hurt) them. And when our children are ready, we hope they find the strength within themselves—the courage to live life on their own terms.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#traumabond

#traumabonding

#emotionalabuse

#mentalhealth

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatterToo

#FathersMatter

#FamilyCourt

#custody

#parentalalienation

#childcustody

#mothersrights

#fathersrights

#childrensrights

#custodybattle

#parentalalienationawareness

Prolonged Ruptured Attachment Syndrome

Parental alienation can be understood as an attachment disorder, where the child is manipulated into rejecting one parent, disrupting the natural attachment bonds. This psychological harm mirrors what is described in Prolonged Ruptured Attachment Syndrome (PRAS), a framework introduced by Martin Seager and colleagues. While PRAS was not developed to address parental alienation, it offers a new and potentially valuable lens for understanding the emotional damage caused by the disruption of attachment.⁠

⁠

In cases of parental alienation, the rupture in attachment is not a clean break. Rather, it’s a painful disruption that leaves the relationship in a state of unresolved limbo—neither fully severed nor easily healed. Many alienated parents describe what feels like a living bereavement. This mirrors PRAS, where people are unable to find emotional closure because their attachment to a significant person remains unsettled. Seager describes PRAS as existing “somewhere between trauma and grief,” a state that is neither fully traumatic nor fully grief-stricken but something in between. For alienated parents, this is reflected in the constant uncertainty of not knowing if reconciliation with their child will ever happen. The pain, as Seager explains, is “ongoing without closure.”⁠

⁠

PRAS highlights that the emotional toll of such ruptures is not just a one-time loss but an enduring, unresolved pain. The psychological effects of parental alienation are profound. This kind of emotional suffering can lead to trauma, grief, anxiety, and helplessness, making it harder for both parents and children to heal.⁠

⁠

Healing from the emotional damage caused by these attachment disruptions requires more than just time. For alienated parents, this means specialised support to help navigate the complexities of reconnection and recovery. PRAS also underscores the importance of recognising that emotional healing from attachment ruptures needs understanding and compassionate care. ⁠

⁠

Published in Psychreg Journal of Psychology in December 2024, the newly conceptualised mental health condition, Prolonged Ruptured Attachment Syndrome (PRAS), while not developed with parental alienation in mind, offers a potentially helpful framework, with its findings validating the distress caused by attachment disruptions. Applying this to parental alienation could pave the way for more effective, empathetic responses and support for affected families.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#prolongedrupturedattachmentsyndrome

#emotionalabuse

Mediators – Craig Childress PsyD

Hmm… for mediators…

Mediators are often the first contact point for the mental health system, they are the interface between the legal system’s dispute resolution and mental health communication and negotiation skills.

They are also the system’s first contact point for the presence of a high-conflict narcissistic-borderline-dark personality parent in the family, which expands into clinical concerns for possible psychological child abuse if there’s significant child pathology present.

Mediators are not qualified to make the diagnosis – it’s a sophisticated pathology of patterns. However, they should be qualified to recognize the initial patterns of concern and recommend additional clinical diagnostic assessment for the family.

What child symptoms should warrant a referral for a clinical diagnostic assessment?

Any attachment symptoms, i.e., problems in love and bonding with either parent should receive a clinical diagnostic assessment of the child’s attachment pathology to the differential diagnoses of concern for each parent.

When we have significant attachment pathology displayed by a child, child abuse concerns become a prominent consideration and need a proper risk assessment to the differential diagnoses of concern for each parent.

Whenever there is post-divorce attachment pathology displayed by a child, Dr. Childress wants to be reassured about possible child abuse.

A child rejecting a parent is a disorganized attachment – i.e., the child has no organized strategy to bond to the parent. Disorganized attachment is caused by abusive or psychotic range parenting.

So… if the child displays no organized strategy to bond to the parent, then there is abusive or psychotic range parenting somewhere in the family. That is the type of parenting that creates disorganized attachment.

Look at the targeted parent first. Is the targeted parent abusing the child in some way? If not, then it’s the allied parent who is causing the child’s disorganized attachment to the targeted parent (for secondary gain to the allied parent).

One or the other. That’s the ONLY thing that causes that set of child symptoms – i.e., a child rejecting a parent, a directional change in a primary motivational system. If a child is rejecting a parent (disorganized attachment), then there is abusive range parenting by one parent or the other.

Diagnosing a persecutory delusion is an affirmative diagnosis. It’s not made based on history, we pop the delusion out right in our session using a Mental Status Exam of thought and perception, a sweep of their frontal lobe linear-logical reasoning system.

See Diagnosis Series 4: Diagnosing a Persecutory Delusion

Diagnosing a factitious disorder imposed on the child is a diagnosis by rule-out. To diagnose a factitious disorder we FIRST have to rule out all possible real causes, then we only have one thing left…. that it’s not a true pathology, it’s a false disorder (for secondary gain).

See Diagnosis Series 5: Diagnosing a Factitious Disorder Imposed on a Child

When the person produces a false disorder in themselves for secondary gain (often for financial gain), it’s a Factitious Disorder. When they produce a false disorder in the child for secondary gain (typically for emotional gain), it’s a Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another.

Wikipedia on FDIA says the diagnosis of FDIA is given to the adult, and the child receives a child abuse diagnosis.

From Wikipedia FDIA: “In DSM-5, the diagnostic manual published by the American Psychiatric Association in 2013, this disorder is listed under 300.19 Factitious disorder. This, in turn, encompasses two types: Factitious Disorder Imposed on Self; Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another (Previously Factitious Disorder by Proxy); the diagnosis is assigned to the perpetrator; the person affected may be assigned an abuse diagnosis (e.g. child abuse).”

Creating a delusional thought disorder in the child (a psychotic level pathology) that then destroys the child’s attachment bond to the other parent (a false/factitious attachment pathology imposed on the child for secondary gain to the allied parent), represents a DSM-5 diagnosis of V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse.

So? Is that what we have in this family? “I don’t know” is not a proper answer to the question. I’m asking if the child is being psychologically abused by a narcissistic-borderline-dark personality parent… that question needs a timely answer please.

In all cases of child abuse, we always protect the child.

All. Every time. We always protect the child from child abuse. Is there child abuse?

Mediators are the first contact point. There are two potential mediation topics – property and child custody. Financial property mediation is not a significant concern, get the accountants.

It’s the child custody concerns that raise possible child abuse issues. Is either parent worried about possible child abuse by the other parent?

If either parent is worried about possible abusive range parenting by the other (e.g., psychological child abuse), then a proper clinical diagnostic risk assessment for the child and family is warranted.

If you have a concern that the allied parent is psychologically abusing the child, tell the mediator. Tell the mediator you have an expert in clinical psychology who’s consulting on your family conflict and ask them to watch my YouTube video: Speaking to Court-Involved Mediators.

What video? The next one.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.

Clinical Psychologist

WA 61538481

OR 3942 – CA 18857

PA is a Sinister Form of Domestic Abuse

Parental alienation is a complex attachment disorder in which one parent psychologically, wilfully, and covertly conditions a child to fear and despise the other parent—whether mother or father. This results in the child’s unjustified rejection of a loving parent and anyone associated with them. Through a relentless campaign of lies, coercion, and manipulation, the alienating parent enforces their control, exploiting the child’s vulnerability. These destructive behaviours often surface after a high-conflict separation or divorce, stemming from a need for vengeance. While it’s non-gendered, it’s frequently associated with a cluster B personality disorder, such as narcissism. Parental alienation is not a custody issue—it’s a profound issue of child protection, a mental health crisis, and a form of psychological abuse that demands urgent recognition and action.

It goes by many names—‘the excluded parent’ phenomenon, pathogenic parenting, hostile aggressive parenting, child alienation, intractable contact, psychological manipulation, chronic litigation, spousal abuse, family bond obstruction… but by any name, it is abuse. And it is woefully misunderstood, maligned, and mistreated.

We are here to spread awareness, inform, and uplift. Millions are suffering in this pandemic of grief and injustice. This is a crisis that demands our attention.

Please follow me for daily insights, and visit my website to learn more about the coaching I offer—whether group sessions or 1:1 support.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#parentalalienationawareness