Tag: Children

80 k in back child support

This came up in my memories today…

While being over $80,000 in arrears for child support, my ex-husband paid $25,000 cash for this ridiculous Jeep. I felt like the license plate was actually fitting.

We were able to confiscate it, however, if I could do it all again… I would’ve walked away from it. Peace is truly priceless.

We have to remember that the narcissist’s biggest button is money, ours is our children. Push their biggest button and they push ours. My daughters were safe when I pushed this button and confiscated the Jeep however, in the end, it was not worth the fight.

It’s not fair, it’s not just…but you don’t find fairness or justice in family court.

Child support

I take not this Dad starts this out saying , ” I pay my ex wife”….

Sir, she’s is in charge of the children you had with her . She cares for these children for whom you pay $60, 000 per year for child support.

Post : This is a Dad’s experience

How did the alienating parent convince the children, despite all evidence to the contrary, of their father’s Scrooge-like lack of generosity and have them believe him to be miserly and mean? Why do children believe the utter nonsense and the lies even when evidence suggests otherwise? ⁠

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Cognitive dissonance refers to the discomfort or tension that arises when people, in this case, our children, hold conflicting beliefs, attitudes, or values, and when there are two contradictory ‘truths’. It causes the children to psychologically ‘split’ by way of coping. ⁠

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The children will have had a pre-existing positive image of their father as a generous and caring person based on their actual experiences with him and their inherent desire to have a loving relationship with both parents. But the alienating parent has consistently fed the children negative information about their father, portraying him as mean, miserly, or unloving. The tension between these conflicting beliefs creates emotional discomfort for the children.⁠

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Alienating parents often employ the following manipulative tactics to turn the children against the other parent:⁠

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Badmouthing: The alienating parent consistently speaks negatively about the other parent, emphasising their flaws and mistakes while ignoring their positive qualities (such as a loving, generous nature and happy times spent in the past). ⁠

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Isolation/Triangulation: The alienating parent may limit or control the children’s communication and contact with the other parent, isolating them from their extended family. This is also known as ‘divide and rule’. ⁠

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Creating Loyalty Conflicts: Children may be made to feel guilty or disloyal for wanting a relationship with the alienated parent.⁠

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False Accusations: Allegations of abuse, neglect, or other serious wrongdoing may be fabricated to tarnish the alienated parent’s reputation.⁠

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Undermining Visitation: The alienating parent may disrupt visitation schedules or make it difficult for the children to spend time with the other parent.⁠

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Children may believe the lies propagated by the alienating parent for several reasons.

Dependency: Having been coerced into rejecting one parent, children often depend on the remaining parent for their physical and emotional well-being. They may fear losing that support if they question or reject the alienating parent’s narrative.

Confirmation Bias: Children may selectively interpret or remember events to support their newfound beliefs once they adopt the negative narrative, and seek information confirming their views.

Protective Mechanism: Believing lies may serve as a psychological defence mechanism, to avoid the discomfort of cognitive dissonance and maintain a sense of stability in their family life.

Manipulation: The alienating parent’s tactics exploit the children’s vulnerability and desire for approval.

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Meryl Streep on why the shift or change in life .. Totally agree

“I no longer have patience for certain things,

not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply

because I reached a point in my life where I do

not want to waste more time with what

displeases me or hurts me.

I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism

and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please

those who do not like me, to love those who do

not love me and to smile at those who do not

want to smile at me.

I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie

or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist

anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise.

I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic

arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping.

I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world

of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid

and inflexible personalities.

In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal.

I do not get along with those who do not know how

to give a compliment or a word of encouragement.

Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty

accepting those who do not like animals. And on

top of everything I have no patience for anyone

who does not deserve my patience.”

Words Meryl Streep lives by – by José Micard Teixeira

This Former Child Welfare Investigator Says Family Policing Must Be Abolished | Truthout

Alan J. Dettlaff once worked for Child Protective Services. What he saw made him realize the system should be abolished.
— Read on truthout.org/articles/this-former-child-welfare-investigator-says-family-policing-must-be-abolished/

Suddenly you were my everything

Exactly how I felt, knowing the exquisite, love of our 1st born , triggered his Dad , and much abuse of both of us proceeded .

However I have been targeted as the “ evil “ monster , and the distortion has destroyed our mother child relationship ..

That’s not acceptable to Divine ,whose got her hands on the steering wheel and will correct the abuser , who has never heard me on the effects of his distorted acts on our children and grandchildren . So glad to have as much closure as possible on my own, and to have healed through tremendous challenges , and this clears the generational abuses and traumas .

Teach your children – Crosby Stills Nash& Young

I was fortunate to see their performance , and they were completely awesome .

I was offered tickets , and broke land and sea records to obtain them about 40 miles away .

Our eldest son went with me , and we were rather high up, in the seating with a perfect view .

Son asked if he could go to get a coke .. I replied yes and realized he was experiencing a 2nd hand high, due to guys behind us. I believe son was 13 .

I turned around to the smokers, and politely asked they not smoke, due to

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son’s highness. And I felt bad for him unknowingly being in that state. His voice was strained,

He had dry mouth .. no idea if he recalls this event, I for sure will never forget the night out with son and CSN& Y .

Beautiful, Charlie Mc Cready

I noticed the distancing – preempting what I later became ‘parental alienation’ – happen sometime before my children left. When it was particularly unpleasant and upsetting in those weeks and months before they moved to the other side of the world, I tried to remind myself that this was how they were bracing themselves to cope with such a monumentally life-changing, scary/exciting/brave/unknown decision. I didn’t always deal with it well, either. I’d been through parental alienation before, as a step-parent in 2001, but this took me to another level of grief long before the alienation kicked in. ⁠
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It was 2009, and in the time before they left, Eminem’s’ Beautiful’ was played a lot in my children’s bedrooms. It’s a song that expresses a struggle with depression, self-doubt and a yearning for understanding, acceptance, and a desire for a better life. After they’d gone and I heard the song, I grieved. I convinced myself that the lyrics were a child’s hope for a bridge between worlds, and that mine could come back anytime. The time with their other parent became permanent, and then I was cut off, no longer necessary, and even deemed unsafe. It’s the 180 turnaround from good parent with happy, healthy children to monster that’s nonsensical and horrifying. ⁠

But they don’t lose us – we’re still here. ⁠
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The song ‘Beautiful’, to me, is about alienation. It’s about longing for connection after being rejected, building ourselves up no matter how many times we’re set back or fall. We and our children are disconnected by enforcement and manipulation. We cope with it the best we can. The ‘distancing’ or ‘emotional cutoff’ is also known as disassociation. This is something in our children that the alienating parent can exacerbate, too.⁠
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There are times we have to let things run their course. We need the time and space to figure things out, and so do they. We’re still here. Mine did figure things out, reach out, and they came back. It is my heartfelt wish that yours do, too. ⁠

Beautiful by Eminem

https://youtu.be/lgT1AidzRWM?si=G3qG6JMzlBspAnBG

charliemccready

Emotional Neglect and Highly Sensitive People

I grew up in a house that had no one who knew my sensitive nature and I was teased and made uncomfortable .. younger brother I suspect was also, but he has never been introspective , nor forgiving of being treated with out regard to his sensitivity .

Youngest definitely is and always was , and was very kind , sweet and giving .

Our sons had sensitivities, but were not allowed to be sensitive as most boys from toddler on are to be a ” man ” , that tears are a bad thing .. I had a lot of forgiving of self to do over being a part of the problem, It seemed like someone in family or friends always needed something very basic and little time was left to deeply think through the deep .. that is until I tried to sleep.

All of these things rose for review as I woke to my fate of death if I continued the psychiatric drugs prescribed for was Malignant, Intimate Partner Violence

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Baggage- What a wonderful teacher

This starts my 22nd year of teaching middle school. Yesterday was quite possibly one of the most impactful days I have ever had.

I tried a new activity called “The Baggage Activity”. I asked the kids what it meant to have baggage and they mostly said it was hurtful stuff you carry around on your shoulders.

I asked them to write down on a piece of paper what was bothering them, what was heavy on their heart, what was hurting them, etc. No names were to be on a paper. They wadded the paper up, and threw it across the room.

They picked up a piece of paper and took turns reading out loud what their classmate wrote. After a student read a paper, I asked who wrote that, and if they cared to share.

I’m here to tell you, I have never been so moved to tears as what these kids opened up and about and shared with the class.

Things like suicide, parents in prison, drugs in their family, being left by their parents, death, cancer, losing pets (one said their gerbil died cause it was fat, we giggled😁) and on and on.

The kids who read the papers would cry because what they were reading was tough. The person who shared (if they chose to tell us it was them) would cry sometimes too. It was an emotionally draining day, but I firmly believe my kids will judge a little less, love a little more, and forgive a little faster.

This bag hangs by my door to remind them that we all have baggage. We will leave it at the door. As they left I told them, they are not alone, they are loved, and we have each other’s back.

I am honored to be their teacher.

Credit: Karen Wunderlich Loewe