This Former Child Welfare Investigator Says Family Policing Must Be Abolished | Truthout

Alan J. Dettlaff once worked for Child Protective Services. What he saw made him realize the system should be abolished.
— Read on truthout.org/articles/this-former-child-welfare-investigator-says-family-policing-must-be-abolished/

Beautiful, Charlie Mc Cready

I noticed the distancing – preempting what I later became ‘parental alienation’ – happen sometime before my children left. When it was particularly unpleasant and upsetting in those weeks and months before they moved to the other side of the world, I tried to remind myself that this was how they were bracing themselves to cope with such a monumentally life-changing, scary/exciting/brave/unknown decision. I didn’t always deal with it well, either. I’d been through parental alienation before, as a step-parent in 2001, but this took me to another level of grief long before the alienation kicked in. ⁠

It was 2009, and in the time before they left, Eminem’s’ Beautiful’ was played a lot in my children’s bedrooms. It’s a song that expresses a struggle with depression, self-doubt and a yearning for understanding, acceptance, and a desire for a better life. After they’d gone and I heard the song, I grieved. I convinced myself that the lyrics were a child’s hope for a bridge between worlds, and that mine could come back anytime. The time with their other parent became permanent, and then I was cut off, no longer necessary, and even deemed unsafe. It’s the 180 turnaround from good parent with happy, healthy children to monster that’s nonsensical and horrifying. ⁠

But they don’t lose us – we’re still here. ⁠

The song ‘Beautiful’, to me, is about alienation. It’s about longing for connection after being rejected, building ourselves up no matter how many times we’re set back or fall. We and our children are disconnected by enforcement and manipulation. We cope with it the best we can. The ‘distancing’ or ‘emotional cutoff’ is also known as disassociation. This is something in our children that the alienating parent can exacerbate, too.⁠

There are times we have to let things run their course. We need the time and space to figure things out, and so do they. We’re still here. Mine did figure things out, reach out, and they came back. It is my heartfelt wish that yours do, too. ⁠

Beautiful by Eminem

https://youtu.be/lgT1AidzRWM?si=G3qG6JMzlBspAnBG

charliemccready

Non changing family members Sherrie Campbell PhD

One of the most profound moments in our healing journey is when we get to the point where we are done waiting for our family members to change. We have hung in there for decades, tried everything to stay connected, to come upon one failure after another, with that failure being at our expense.

Self-sacrifice never worked for them, and it certainly never worked for us. There was no positive return. Our family members make it clear that they will never change. It is not because they can’t change. It is because they don’t want to.

When we are worn to the bone, we stop hoping for them to wake up. We accept that change will not come from them, so we start changing ourselves instead. We change our choices for healthier ones. We change patterns of self-sacrifice that no longer serve us. We choose to live in alignment with what makes us healthy, what makes us happy and what brings us peace, love, and joy. This is power.

Family Systems- Family Pathology – Craig Childress PsyD

Some of you have understanding. You’re beginning to see the multiple layers, the multiple planes of understanding.

Family systems describes the family pathology. The DSM-5 describes the diagnostic pathology. Both levels of description will be helpful in solving the pathology.

You? You want a treatment plan – a written treatment plan. Hold on to that and don’t let go. The ONLY reason we need a diagnosis is because diagnosis always – always – guides treatment… are we treating cancer or diabetes?

But we always land on treatment. That’s the final destination for everything we do in healthcare… we fix the problem.

Diagnosis = identify
Pathology = problem
Treatment = fix it

You have a problem, a pathology. The doctors in the healthcare system identify (diagnose) what the problem (pathology) is, then we fix it, that’s the treatment part – the fixing.

You don’t need to prove something to someone. Diagnoses are given, not proven. Diagnosis is a pattern-match of the symptoms to the diagnostic criteria.

If your symptoms pattern-match to the diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia… that’s your diagnosis whether you like it or not. That’s how diagnosis works.

You don’t have to prove something to someone. You did nothing wrong, it’s not your fault, bad people are doing bad things – it’s a cross-generational coalition from that description – it’s a shared persecutory from another. We need the doctors to do their job and diagnose child abuse when child abuse is present.

So we can fix it.

We always land on treatment. The only reason we need the diagnosis is because the treatment we do will depend on the diagnosis. Are we treating cancer or diabetes?

Once we know the diagnosis, then our focus becomes entirely about treatment.

The pathological parent wants to drive this into the courts and make it about custody. That’s a lie, this is a pathology of lies. This isn’t about custody, it’s about pathology, it needs treatment.

The pathological parent wants to put you on trial for being a bad (spouse) parent. Don’t let them do that. You make it about treatment instead and expose the pathology. You want a written treatment plan – for that you’ll need a diagnosis, because diagnosis guides treatment.

You shape the narrative, you shape the movement. You’re actually more powerful than the pathological parent. They’re pathological, you’re not. They only have lies, you have the truth.

Keep your footing in the barrage of lies – this is a pathology of lies.
Lies gain early traction when everyone is uncertain. You know the truth, you remain certain.

You know where the truth is. Don’t activate into your insecurities. You need a plan. You need a treatment plan. Make it a written treatment to make sure it’s clear.

Do you want an example of a written treatment plan? A school IEP for special education services. It has Goals identified in measurable ways, it has Interventions specified for each Goal, it has estimated Time Frames for achieving the Goal, and it has Outcome Measures to monitor progress and Goal accomplishment.

The schools give written treatment plans all the time, you can’t qualify for special education services without an IEP (Individual Education Plan). Written treatment plans are common throughout healthcare… except here in the family courts.

And understand this… the patient should NEVER have to explain the pathology to the doctor. That should NEVER happen. But it’s happened here. That’s how bad things are. The patients must explain the pathology to the doctors. That is so bad.

But it’s the reality of your world as you try to rescue your child. So… the family systems description is to explain the pathology, the diagnostic description is to formally diagnose it – and the DSM-5 diagnosis of concern is V-995.51 Child Psychological Abuse.

I’m not your warrior. I’m your weapon. I’m the established professional knowledge you need to protect your child. You’re the warrior. Don’t be lazy, learn what you need to learn. Make a plan. Execute the plan. Don’t trigger into your fears and insecurities.

You’re fine. This is a pathology of lies. You need a plan, a written treatment plan.

You just need support… how about a weapon? That sounds like a plan to me.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

The age of the grandparent has arrived

The ratio of grandparents to children is higher than ever before. Discover how longer lifespans and changing family structures are reshaping grandparenting | International
— Read on www.economist.com/international/2023/01/12/the-age-of-the-grandparent-has-arrived

Tiger Woods, Justin Timberlake to open golf-infused New York City sports bar

Very proud of eldest son, who is working for T- Square , and deserves this opportunity and recognition, per his experience , his gifts 🎁 and his rewards, for toffee times.

Congratulations IV🙏🏼💖

Tiger Woods and Justin Timberlake have partnered on T-Squared Social, an upscale sports bar in the heart of Manhattan.
— Read on golf.com/lifestyle/food/tiger-woods-justin-timberlake-sports-bar-t-squared/

Family Fixers – Sherrie Campbell PhD

Tuesday Teachings

So many of us were given the role of the family fixer. Whenever our family members were unhappy it somehow became our responsibility to make them happy. We learned that we could not be happy until they were happy.

This role is exhaustive and unrewarding because we have no power to change anyone but ourselves. The family fixer will run out of the motivation to keep this role, preferring to be cut off from the family for no longer showing up for a job they never applied for or wanted.

For my family fixers, you are meant for far greater things than acting as an emotional slave or emotional janitor to emotionally irresponsible people. No amount of your working tirelessly to fix things has ever proven to make your dysfunctional family members any happier with any consistency. It hasn’t changed anything or anyone for the better. If you have run out of gas for this, good. It’s your time.

The bond between Narcissists, their Mom and their sisters

How many ways , I noted this and every attempt to discuss this unholy bond was pacified, often with ” well as a Christian” …

The children began to divorce , the youngest 1st , after a time of dating , then the eldest , which was a ” shit show ” and then I developed ” Bipolar ” , and with no support , nor intervention , 5 years into that toxic induction into the dank shadow , having hooked up with his twin , he left .

” I love you , but I’m not in love with you “, he walked away from our 3 children and me , never looking back,

Things got worse , and always he has had this connection with his sisters , his Mom deceased , his control, fading , his health is poor, and he keeps adding nails to his coffin, by perpetuating his hatred , his lies, projecting still it was all my fault.

He has poisoned so many folks against me and I have felt their hatred , and spite for decades..

It’s like he believes , he married down, from his level.. I sense I married out of my species .

With the abuse and alienation of our children and grandchildren, continuing, Divine has stepped in.. I sense he’s already feeling the ” side effects” of his actions , and there’s no intervention this time.

The cycle of control and dominance are over.. He can align himself with any one, anytime, on any level. 3 strikes and he’s out .

Pray our children wake , it’s totally up to them, however, I am moving on.. Grateful for having protection from the multi faceted cult that has prayed for my very death .

youtube.com/watch

Sherrie Campbell Ph D – Self Obsessed Family Member

The self-obsessed family member is one of the most challenging to cope with. It is so difficult to be on the other side of a family member who looks down their nose at you and complains about how life is so unfair to them, unlike life is unfair to anyone else.

This type of self-absorption is nauseating. They are always comparing themselves to others and fluctuating between everyone else has it better than they do, and they know more than anyone else about everything.

This type of self-centeredness makes it impossible to have relationships with them. You find that you can only go through the motions when around these family members. You start doing all you can to avoid seeing them, and when you do think about seeing them you feel feelings of dread. These are your signposts that it is high time to get this person out of your life.

Types of Flying Monkeys: The 2 Main Kinds of Narcissistic Enablers

Forward by Craig Childress , Psy D

Flying Monkeys & Social Distribution

The pathology in the family courts has many interesting and unique features. For one thing, the pathogen has motivation, it wants to create itself.

No other pathology has motivation to be the pathology. The autistic child doesn’t want to be autistic, ADHD doesn’t fight to remain ADHD, the person can’t help but produce the symptoms of the problem they’re having.

With this pathology, however, the pathology of the narcissistic-borderline-dark personality parent NEEDS to create the pathology in the child in order to create a false narrative – the trauma reenactment narrative – of a supposedly “abusive” targeted parent, the supposedly “victimized” child, and the supposedly “protective” allied parent.

But it’s all a false narrative created by the pathology in the narcissistic-borderline-dark personality parent, and it meets diagnostic criteria for both a shared persecutory delusion and a factitious (false) attachment pathology imposed on the child (FDIA).

Google factitious: artificially created or developed.

This is a false pathology. This is a pathology of lies.

If we try to alter what the pathological parents is seeking to do, i.e., if we try to change the false attachment pathology and promote bonding of the child to the targeted parent, the allied parent (and psychologically controlled child) will fight AGAINST treatment, seeking to keep the child’s pathology in place.

No other pathology (problem) fights AGAINST being solved, no other pathology wants to be the pathology. This pathology does.

As you examine in closer detail this unique and interesting motivational feature of this specific pathology, you’ll discover it’s because it’s ultimately an attachment trauma pathology that has crystallized into the personality disorder pathology of the parent – now being transferred to the child – the trans-generational transmission of attachment trauma.

The attachment system is a primary motivational system of the brain. Because this pathology is an attachment-trauma pathology, the damaged information structures in the person’s attachment networks (the pathogen) has access to the person’s motivational networks – it is a motivational pathology, a problem in the motivations for love-and-bonding (the attachment system).

Eating disorders also have this motivational feature, i.e., the motivation to remain eating disorders. Eating disorders are a pathology (problem) in another primary motivational system of the brain, the eating system. Eating disorders are a motivational pathology as well, just to a different primary motivational system.

The attachment system is a primary motivational system of the brain, the love-and-bonding motivational system. A child rejecting a parent is a problem in attachment bonding, it’s a motivational pathology surrounding love-and-bonding.

The pathology in the family courts has another unique and interesting feature – it’s shared between multiple people. It’s a shared delusional pathology. There’s no shared ADHD or shared autism, there’s not even a shared eating disorder – all the other pathologies are individual, the attachment system though, is a ‘shared’ relationship system.

Interestingly, it’s not simply shared between the pathological parent and the child. Once the false trauma reenactment narrative is established, other minds with the unresolved trauma seek to bond into the false narrative in the role of the “protective” other (in parallel to the pathological parent’s role as the “protective” parent).

These pathological people – extended family, mental health professionals, and random people – then become allies of the pathology in enacting the false narrative. In trauma-work this is called the “bystander” role.

There are four roles in child abuse: abusive parent, victimized child, protective parent, bystander.

The pathological bystanders attach as supposedly “protective” others to the false trauma reenactment narrative created by the pathological parent in order to work-through the unresolved attachment trauma of the bystander person.

In psychoanalytic terms, this is called their “counter-transference”.

This pathology seeks allies. No other pathology seeks and acquires allies who work to create and maintain the pathology. This pathology has a social distribution feature – it spreads from brain to brain and creates a shared thought disorder, a shared delusion.

Another important feature of this particular pathology is that it’s the abuse pathology – narcissistic personality pathology is the abuse pathology; child abuse and spousal abuse. It’s from the absence of empathy characteristic of the narcissistic personality. The absence of empathy is the capacity for cruelty (Baron-Cohen).

This pathology is immensely dangerous. This is the most dangerous pathogen on the planet – narcissistic-borderline-dark personalities are extremely dangerous people if you try to stop what they need to do – if you try to interfere with what their damaged motivational networks are requiring them to do.

If you try to stop the pathology of the narcissistic-borderline-dark personality human… they will attack you with great viciousness.

We can see all of these features displayed in the social surround in parallel process – same pathology. This isn’t politics, it’s pathology. I’m using the pathology’s display in the social surround to educate (those who can see) in the features of the pathology.

If you have the eyes to see, it can be helpful to understanding to see the pathology’s multiple features writ large across the public display.

There are allies like Lindsey Graham, Mitch McConnell, Kevin McCarthy, and Fox who work to enable the pathology to be enacted. Without their support, the Big Lie (the false narrative of persecution) would not exist and survive.

Then there’s another layer of ally. These are the dangerous stray humans who attach to the false narrative for their own darkly malevolent and sadistic purposes. These are the Proud Boys spectrum of allies – these are the SA of Nazi Germany – these are the flying monkey spectrum of allies.

They swarm around and abuse anyone who is trying to alter the enactment of the pathology. They seek to destroy the person professionally and personally through slander, false allegations, and lies.

I first encountered the flying monkey phenomenon surrounding Dorcy Pruter. The pathology and its flying monkey allies have been inflicting abuse on Dorcy for year-and-years. She’s been abused with slander, hostility, and lies her entire time in the family courts because she successfully fixes the breached attachment bond.

The pathogen hates Dorcy… for a reason. She sees it. She fixes it.

Despite all the abuse Dorcy’s endured for the sake of the children and their parents, she’s still standing, which says a lot about the quality of person she is – and – she’s not only still standing, she’s successful.

Stupid pathogen.

When I first recognized that Dorcy had the solution in her hip-pocket with the High Road workshop, and the extent of the flying monkey abuse she endured as a result, I tried to give her all the professional protection I could from my degree-status.

If the flying monkeys wanted to destroy her, they had to get through Dr. Childress first, that provided some layer of protection, but not nearly enough. No one should have to endure the abuse that the professionals seeking to solve the pathology in the family courts have to endure.

We know what the pathology is. We know about flying monkeys. We know that narcissistic-borderline-dark personality pathology is the most dangerous pathology on the planet. We need the APA to get over here. Clinical psychology needs to return to court-involved custody conflict.

But they won’t come, they will refuse because it is too dangerous to their licenses, and after 40 years of being absent from the family courts, none of the clinical psychologists are competent in this court involved factitious attachment and delusional thought disorder pathology created by a narcissistic-borderline-dark personality parent.

With this pathology, it’s not enough to simply identify the pathology, we must also identify – by name – its allies who are supporting and enabling the pathology to exist. The doctors need to be doctors and clearly identify (diagnose) the child abuse and spousal abuse involved… and the doctors will need protection from retaliation.

How do we protect the doctors? Professional psychology tried an experiment with you, they gave you your own “sub-discipline” of psychologists called “forensic” psychologists and then gave them authority to do whatever they wanted to protect themselves.

The forensic psychologists protect themselves from retaliation by exempting themselves from all ethical standards of practice and accountability. The forensic psychologists are allowed by licensing boards to self-review their own… and they all do the same thing.

They cover-up for the unethical malpractice of other forensic psychologists… because they all do the same thing. The licensing boards are corrupted by the influence of the forensic psychologists. How do you think things got so bad here?

No oversight – no meaningful scrutiny (NY Blue Ribbon Commission on Forensic Custody Evaluations).

It’s a mess, and it’s immensely dangerous for any clinical psychologist – or anyone – to try to help you. We need to substantially elevate the standards of practice for psychologists practicing in the family courts – and we need to protect them.

How do we protect them? We need an agreed upon diagnostic assessment and treatment protocol of the highest caliber that accurately diagnoses the pathology for treatment and the court.

This is active child a abuse – DSM-5 V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse. This is active spousal abuse using the child as the weapon – DSM-5 V995.82 Spouse or Partner Abuse, Psychological. The doctors need to return an accurate diagnosis 100% of the time so we can protect the children and their parents.

We have obligations.

How do the psychologists protect themselves? By making an accurate and supported diagnosis that can be verified by second-opinion. We should be generating second opinion (or even third opinion) consultations are all child abuse diagnoses returned in the family courts.

We have the Internet – tele-health consultation is easily available. We, the psychologists, need to go in as pairs. Consultation always improves the quality of healthcare services received.

This is the most dangerous pathogen on the planet. It’s in the family courts. It is cruel and abusive – it is narcissistic, psychopathic, manipulative, delusional, retaliatory, and sadistic…

…and it is currently undiagnosed and untreated.

We need focused attention paid to the family courts from professional psychology – from the APA – we have obligations. We are failing our obligations to the court, to the parents, and to the children.

Children, parents, and professionals are being abused daily surrounding the pathology in the family courts, and it is not being addressed. This is active child abuse. This is active spousal abuse. This is active professional abuse.

And no one is stopping it… yet.

Accountability is coming for the enabling allies. Many of the Jan 6 flying monkeys have been sentenced to jail. We need accountability in the family courts – we need to hold the forensic psychologists accountable for their unethical malpractice, and clinical psychology accountable for their abandonment of these children and parents.

We need to fix things. We can do that, we just need the motivation. This is a motivational pathology.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.

Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

A flying monkey is someone who enables a narcissists campaign of abuse. Here are the two main types of flying monkey and how to spot them.
— Read on www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/types-of-flying-monkeys/