Tag: trauma

Narcissist stay with partner they hate

He walked out , to be happy . Immediately openly dating his new supply , he paid household bills and was in no hurry to start divorce proceedings or even a legal separation .

So I began looking and like many women left crying at the legal system.

I filed ,with truthful charges ,which were altered to no fault and offered that we had a prenuptial agreement.

Not do

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The truth is rising

Over the past few days, something big shifted. You may not have language for it yet, but your body knows. Your spirit knows. Your nervous system knows. What’s happening right now isn’t chaos… it’s alignment.

We’ve passed through a massive energetic window (June 3–6) where solar flares, planetary alignments, and timeline collapses triggered a full mirror reversal in the collective field.

What does that mean?

It means the inner work many of us have been doing for years is no longer just personal… it’s planetary.

It’s no longer about how much you’ve healed. It’s about how much you can embody.

The world is starting to reflect that back now. More truth. More clarity.

Less tolerance for fake smiles and spiritual bypassing.

Here’s what you might be feeling…

• A deep pull to slow down

• Sudden disinterest in distractions or shallow conversations

•The urge to ground into something real… nature, body, breath, stillness

• A strange sense of peace in the middle of the madness

You’re not broken. You’re not lost.

You’re just done pretending. And you’re not alone.

Thousands… maybe millions… are stepping into this new frequency quietly. Not with fireworks, but with deep presence.

We’re not here to save the world.

We’re here to become the world that no longer needs saving. Take care of your nervous system. Drink more water.Take off your shoes and feel the Earth. Speak only what’s true. And remember… just because the storm is loud… doesn’t mean it has power over you.

The flip has happened. Now… walk like you remember.

– ZF 🔥

~ Zachary Fisher

Adult Estranged Children- Julie Ventura Plagens

One of the hardest parts of estrangement is the silence. So many parents are left wondering, “Why didn’t they tell me why?” The truth? There’s usually more going on beneath the surface than we realize.

Here are a few possibilities to consider:

  1. They didn’t have the tools to explain their pain.
    Some adult children carry hurt for years but never find the words. What feels sudden to us may have been building inside them for a long time. While pop culture (social media, counselors) may be pushing for an estrangement, the simmering resentments (the bullet) was already in the loaded gun. They just helped to pull the trigger.
  2. They didn’t feel heard.
    They might have tried to speak up in the past—and felt dismissed or misunderstood. Think about the arguments you’ve had over the years. That is when they told you what was wrong. Eventually, they gave up and stopped trying to tell you. It was just easier to stop arguing and get peace.
  3. They fear conflict because they constantly lose.
    Not everyone is equipped to have hard conversations. Some people avoid confrontation entirely, even if it means disappearing. I hated conflict and ran from it. It felt safer than dealing with it, as it always turned out to be my fault.
  4. They needed space to breathe and heal.
    Leaving without a word may be less about punishing and more about self-protection. For whatever reason, the relationship had become too hard to deal with, so they just left. For me, it was akin to lightening the load on a ship during a storm to keep the whole thing from sinking.
  5. They’re still sorting it out.
    They may not fully understand their own reasons yet for leaving. Sometimes people leave to process, not to close the door forever. Over time, they feel shame about rekindling the relationship as time got away.

These were all reasons why I left, although I couldn’t articulate them at the time. Your adult child probably can’t either. They just know the leaving Is the quick relief from pain.

You Can’t Force Reconnection—But You Can Do This

If you’re estranged from your child, I know how much it hurts. The silence, the confusion, the helplessness—it can feel unbearable.

And while you may not be able to fix that relationship right now, you can work on the ones you still have.

Here’s the hard truth I had to face:
My unhealthy patterns didn’t just affect my relationship with my parents. They showed up in other relationships, especially my marriage. And then with my adult children. (One tried to leave)

Do you find yourself…
Trying to control outcomes? Even get revenge when it doesn’t go your way?
Manipulating conversations without realizing it?
Wallowing in self-pity or constantly blaming others?
Obsessing over every detail of what went wrong? Ruminating?

Do you have addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, lying, or something else? This is a destroyer of relationships across the board.

For me, it all traced back to childhood trauma. I had felt so out of control growing up that, as an adult, I tried to control everything—especially my relationships. Core issue: I did not trust God or believe he was good. And I medicated with self-pity, blaming, food (sugar), rumination, victim mentality, etc. As long as it was everyone else, I didn’t have to look at myself or change.

It wasn’t until I started healing that initial pain that I could begin to clean up my side of the street. It was late in life. I left my family when I was 40. (No social media then.) And my adult child almost left when I was 53ish. We were all Christians. (I was a preacher’s kid.) Something had to change; I was a common denominator.

You can’t force your child back into your life… but you can continue to see what is popping up in current relationships.

And here’s the beautiful part: You have power.
When you begin to identify and change how you interact with people, it shifts how others interact with you. Yes, you can only change yourself. No one else. Blaming kept me stuck.

And here’s something to hold onto:
Even if your adult child has gone quiet, they might still be watching. I know I did. I asked people about my parents. I kept tabs from afar.

Eventually, there is the stage of accepting whatever the outcome is. Peace in that you have done everything you can on your side. If you are already there, I applaud you. God sees you and knows your heart. Most of all, He loves you.

Alienation & extended Famlies

“We often talk about how alienation cuts off one relationship. But in reality the truth is, it severs an entire family line. It has no mercy as it leaves parents without their children. It also leaves grandparents sitting by their windows, flipping through old photo albums, wondering what they did to deserve this treatment.

Remembering all those bedtime hugs, the silly stories, and backyard adventures that came to such a sudden end.If you ask any alienated grandparent, they’ll likely say: “I never thought I’d ever become a stranger to the child I once held in my arms as a baby.”

Now, ask the parents, and most of them will tell you: “I never imagined my own mother or father would lose their grandchild because someone I once trusted decided to destroy everything because of me.”

The saddest part? The alienator isn’t satified with severing just one bond—they tear through entire generations. They conciously choose to rewrite the family story. They turn family closeness into distance, and loving memories into something that hurts too much to remember.

Still, both the parents and grandparents hold on. They keep the birthday cards safely tucked away in drawers. In their mind’s eye, they remember the favorite colors, or the silly sayings, and the way a child’s head once rested under their chin.

Just like the parents who still hear the words, “I love you, Dad,” or, “Don’t let me go, Mom.”

For those living through this, you know that this pain doesn’t just come and go. Instead, it follows you everywhere. Into the grocery store, where another child looks just like yours. Into every holiday season, where an empty chair sits at the table. Even into your nightly dreams, where the reunion plays out perfectly, until you wake up to the same numbing silence you’ve been carrying for months, and sometimes years.

Yet… we still hope. That’s what so many don’t understand. Even after all the unanswered calls, all the doors that were slammed shut on us, all the letters marked “Return to Sender,” we still hope.

We hold onto the possibility of one more chance.

One more knock on the door.

One more opportunity to say, “I never stopped loving you.”

To the alienated grandparents out there, I want to say this: You’re not forgotten. The grief you feel is real. Your love still matters. That special place you held in your grandchild’s life should never have been taken from you.To the parents who are still hanging on: Don’t ever let go.

You’re not weak for caring. You’re certainly not foolish for loving. After all, you’re a parent, and that’s what we do.

To those reading this who’ve never lived through this kind of emotional torture: Please know this kind of silence doesn’t happen by accident. It’s designed.. It’s the product of manipulation, control, and the belief that love should have limits. Maybe one day, the door will open again. Maybe a child, or a grandchild will ask the question that begins to undo all the lies that were told.”

Until then, we wait in the wings… together

✍️ David Shubert

Not who she used to be

She’s not crazy… she was abused.

She learned how to stay quiet in rooms where she should’ve been protected. She learned how to survive in love that felt more like a battlefield.

She’s not irrational…. she’s carrying pain that no one ever apologized for. The kind of pain that teaches you to question your own reality, just because someone else wanted control over it.

She’s not stupid… she was manipulated.

There’s a difference. Love-bombed, gaslit, lied to, twisted up in someone else’s brokenness. She believed words over patterns because she wanted to believe.

She was taught that love meant enduring…. so she endured. She was told it was all in her head, when really, it was all in his hands. The control, the silence, the guilt. That wasn’t stupidity. That was hope…. weaponized.

She’s not shy… she’s protecting herself.

She doesn’t trust easily anymore. She’s guarded, not because she wants to be cold, but because warmth once betrayed her. She’s quiet because her voice was once ignored. She’s observing, calculating, studying who is safe and who just pretends to be. Her silence is her shield…. not her flaw.

She’s not bitter… she’s speaking the truth.

Calling out what happened isn’t bitterness. It’s bravery. Naming the pain is healing. Holding people accountable is not holding onto hate… it’s refusing to sugarcoat the damage.

She’s not angry, she’s awake. And she’s done shrinking herself to make other people comfortable with their own wrongdoings. She’s not stuck in the past… she’s been damaged.

Trauma doesn’t live on a calendar. Healing isn’t linear. Sometimes the memory of pain walks right back into her day, uninvited. She’s not “dwelling,” she’s rebuilding. You can’t rush a heart back to wholeness. Not when it was shattered by the very hands that once held it.

She’s not delusional… she lived a nightmare.

The kind of nightmare that smiles in public and destroys you in private. The kind that no one believed because he looked charming and she looked tired. She’s not exaggerating…. she endured. She’s not dramatic…. she survived.

She’s not weak… she was trusting.

She gave people the benefit of the doubt. She believed love was enough. She forgave more than she should’ve, stayed longer than she deserved to, and loved harder than she was loved in return. That’s not weakness…. that’s humanity. She wore her heart on her sleeve in a world that keeps trying to rip it off.

She’s not giving up…

She’s healing. 💜

And that healing? It’s messy. It’s loud sometimes, and silent at others. It looks like pulling back. It looks like losing friends. It looks like crying in the shower and smiling at strangers. But it’s real. And it’s happening.

So don’t mislabel her process. Don’t mistake her silence for surrender or her tears for defeat. She’s not broken…. she’s becoming. Stronger. Softer. Smarter. Wiser. Louder. More careful. More powerful.

She’s not who she used to be… and that’s a good thing.