Tag: legacy

Convictions

For those who have found refuge in the illusion of distance, shielding themselves from perceived threats to their ‘liberties,’ a formidable question emerges: How does one anchor themselves in unyielding ideals—emotional, material, and ideological—while navigating the relentless tides of a world in perpetual motion? How does one remain steadfast without severing the delicate threads of human connection?

Let us turn our gaze to those who stand immovable, their convictions etched in stone, their defiance an unbroken anthem against the symphony of change. These are the architects of their own fortresses, those who would rather let empires of love crumble, careers disintegrate, and entire lifetimes be rewritten in the ink of resistance rather than surrender to dictates they deem unjust. We may wonder: What compels a soul to clutch at grievances with the grip of eternity, to wage wars that scorch the very ground they walk upon?

It is not merely fear of consequence that drives such defiance. No, it is the primal fire within—the indomitable human spirit that rebels against the yoke of perceived tyranny. It is the ancient, sacred call to forge one’s own path, to sculpt triumph from the raw material of adversity, even if that triumph is born of rage—a rebellion against the hands that seek to mold them.

Yet before we cast judgment upon those who refuse to yield—whether out of self-interest or what they deem a higher calling—let us recognize the sanctity of their resolve. Some will forsake the world before they betray the compass of their own soul, believing that in their resistance lies an unspoken justice, an inviolable truth.

But to those whose fear of letting go has become an anchor rather than a refuge, hear this: The world is not waiting for you. It is not pausing, nor pleading for your compliance. It is shifting, evolving, dancing forward with or without your consent. If you cannot meet it with courage—if you cannot surrender to the tempest without drowning in it—then, my dear, it is time to awaken.

Dare to venture beyond the perimeters of your comfort. Chase knowledge like a lover who leaves traces of wonder in their wake. Let new experiences unsettle you, let fresh perspectives sculpt the edges of your understanding. Fall in love with the unknown, and in doing so, reclaim your passion for existence itself.

Katie Kamara

[Art: Charles Young Walls]

#kamaraholisticconnections

Kenny Loggins – Conviction’s of the Heart ❤️

https://youtu.be/rQZbB5CUXFI?si=bt9rJdTSeo5RYszl

1st 3 years are critical in childhood

My parenting changed when I learned that the critical years are only the first three.

Yes, only the first three.

After that, everything eases up gradually until the child becomes an adult.

The first three years are called the trust versus mistrust stage, and they’re the landing phase of life.

Your work as a parent is to pour love into your child unreservedly and to travel all the distance to meet them emotionally.

When they smile, you smile back. When they’re sad, you soothe them.

When they play with you, you play with them. When they want to be held, you hold them.

If you respond consistently and lovingly to them at this stage, they learn that people are loving and the world can be safe.

They don’t learn about mom and daddy or their home. They’re learning the world.

Should we say that in other words?

During the first three years of life, the child is not just learning you. They’re learning the world through you.

If you win their trust, you have won their trust for the world. If they can’t trust you, neither can they trust the world.

There’s no other stage in life when a person is so impressionable.

Sometimes, the child will have very inconvenient needs, like asking you to carry them when you’ve just arrived from work and you’re tired.

Do not deny them or punish them. Just drop everything and pick them up. You can wisely help them transition from that mood shortly after using diversionary tactics, but you must meet their need for connection first.

When they share their toy or food with you, receive it with full attention and appreciation. They’re giving you everything they have.

It’s not just a toy but their entire possessions. When you appreciate it, you’re registering in their highly impressionable brain that they matter.

Sometimes, the child will be restless, irritable, and outright difficult.

You will try five different meals, and they refuse all of them.

You will change their diapers and clothes, and they’re still crying.

You’ll soothe them for hours, and they still refuse to fall asleep.

You’ll feel frustrated and even angry. This is understandable and totally human.

But during those moments, you should remember one thing: the child is not trying to frustrate you.

They’re simply struggling with being human on that day. They’re as lost as you.

Your task at that time is to try one thing after another until you get out of the phase.

Perhaps they have stomach discomfort or colic. Perhaps the weather is too hot. Or you brought in a new nanny, and it made the child anxious for having to lose the other one with who they had bonded so well, and now he or she needs to grieve while also embracing a new person.

Perhaps there’s water in the baby’s ear or an irritating eye after water got into their eyes during bath time.

In other words, the child could be going through any of a hundred baby problems. You should attempt one solution after another until the phase passes.

If you leave the baby with a dishonest caregiver, for example, they may disrupt their sleep schedule by letting the baby oversleep while they indulge in their own leisure. Results? At bedtime, the baby is fully awake, and your attempts to make them sleep only annoy the child.

Is the child to blame for disturbing until 2 a.m.? They’re simply not sleepy because they slept too much during the day while under the care of another parent figure whom you delegated them to.

In short, it’s not easy to parent right during this stage, but if you approach it with empathy and patience, you’ll manage.

Once the child clocks three under this intensive care, voila! The programming is done.

Now they repel mean friends and shady adults because anything that’s not loving is strange to them.

Now, you can reason and schedule your interactions with working breaks in between. You can ask them what they experienced while you were away.

The child can let you work or go to the market as long as you keep your word and continue the same reliability and commitment you had when they were under three.

But life gets easier now since they can reason, communicate their needs, and even control themselves for increasing periods.

The next fifteen years after age three are divided into blocks of 5, each with a distinct role. Ages 8, 13, and 18 are the last pivotal milestones to cross, but each is easier than the previous.

(©️ Benjamin Zulu Global)

Parental Alienators hide their abuse in shadows/Charlie McCready

Alienating parents and their cohorts work in the shadows. Their abuse is often hidden from sight to all but the target parent. This makes it 100 times worse as the target parent feels nobody hears them or sees what’s happening, not even the therapists and family courts. It makes it incredibly challenging for the target parent to seek help or gain support. It can also be covert and confusing to its victims because there are days when the alienating parent can be affectionate, kind, and caring. This is often why the abused child (and target parent) sticks around, hoping for more good days. But the moments of no-drama can give false hope. ⁠

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A few Quentin Tarantino characters come to mind. He writes his villains so well because he shows us the side they show to people they’re not abusing. In Django Unchained, Calvin Candie, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, is a charismatic and charming plantation owner. In one scene, Calvin talks about the French delicacy, “Croque Monsieur.,” amusing and entertaining his guests over a sumptuous dinner. But Calvin is also a cruel and sadistic slave owner who subjects his slaves to brutal treatment. The contrast between his charming demeanour and abusive behaviour highlights his character’s complexity and how he manipulates those around him. ⁠

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Just as characters in Tarantino’s films can appear charming while perpetrating cruelty, the alienating parent employs a similar tactic of alternating between kindness and manipulation. This intricate interplay between light and darkness serves to ensnare the child in an emotionally fraught situation. Unfortunately, many Family Court Judges don’t see through the charm, lies, trauma bonds, and indoctrination. They consistently ignore the abusive parent’s coercive control, psychological abuse and dishonesty, often giving that parent placement of the children. The system is broken and failing target parents and alienated children all over the world. We need to do all we can to bring this abuse to light.⁠

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#CoerciveControl

Grief

Grief has a way of isolating us. The sort of sadness that overwhelms us with a heavy, aching heart from morning til night-time is hard to move through, and we have to do it slowly, one day at a time.

As Khalil Gibran said in The Prophet: “Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation” We feel detached from the rest of the world, contained in our body vessels and moving through the day as if we’re not really here at all. Who are we now? For alienated parents with their children gone from their lives, they hardly feel like a parent anymore, though they are still parents, most definitely, and always will be. The loss leaves a void. We don’t want to fill it because we want to feel the ‘missing’ and the sadness keeps them in mind. It’s scary to have to rethink who we are and repurpose our lives.

Will we ever feel happy again? Yes. But it doesn’t happen overnight. We find moments. We figure out how to live our lives without the one/s we love. We become unafraid again. We treat ourselves as someone we love. Each day, we take one step in front of the other, and we move forward doing the best we can. And when we need to rest, we rest. Along the way, we do find peace, love and happiness again.

If you are going through parental alienation, know you’re not alone. I’ve been through it myself. Personally and professionally, I have over 20 years of experience. I am reunited with my children and here to offer support with daily posts on social media and also with the coaching I offer. Feel free to reach out to me anytime.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#familycourts

#parentalalienationawareness