Tag: grief

Releasing Grief

Pushing people to break agreements or abandon their boundaries for us is not only disrespectful, but an invitation from the wounded self into codependency.

At its root, this is what codependency is, a dance of two wounded souls trying to find a way to get their earlier needs met.

It’s a repetition of the original loss.

The loss of the love that wasn’t available.

It’s the wound that we have so deeply identified with that it has calcified as identity and runs the show.

Our liberation won’t come from finally winning the dance of codependency, but from grieving that we were not loved the way we needed to be.

It will come from grieving that no matter how good we were (are), no matter how much we have healed…that love we crave to be met with still couldn’t be there and it didn’t have anything to do with us.

Grieving the roots of these patterns is what liberates us….not enslaving people into our patterns so that we can “win” what the ego thinks it wants, or finally be “chosen.”

The sky weather is pretty persistent right now that we clean up this age old tension between self and other, separation and union, wound and medicine, codependency vs. interdependent, mature love.

Chiron in Aries asks us to self-actualize away from identification with the wound, but, rather, to alchemize the wound.

Instead of perpetual healing of the wound, to see the wound as the space of our own, inherent creative potential to generate something beautiful from that which cannot be healed.

What we create from that place IS the healing salve we are meant to offer the world.

The sidereal Chiron in Pisces might have us questioning what we can trust, where we can put our faith and what structures or boundaries we need so that we can manage not losing ourselves in the great vastness of being.

What can we trust within ourselves? Others? Life?

In between these two points, is the constellation of Cetus, the Whale, who governs the principle of consecration.

With Chiron here, we might feel a little stuck around being able to consecrate ourselves fully in devotion the higher path of our soul.

We might mistakenly be anointing our wounding and acting from it, placing more faith in the familiarity of codependent patterns, rather than the unknown of ego death from allowing the wound to be transformed into its medicine form.

With the New Moon in Taurus, may we allow ourselves to feel so held in the arms of the earth so that we can finally relax, let go and and rest so that deeper layer of grief we’ve been holding on so tightly can finally release its hold on us.

May we ground the murkiness, release the need to “know,” and let the wisdom of the mystery alive in the body show us what we most need right now to feel safe to come home to the union living within our own hearts.

The ultimate sanctuary worthy of our most devoted consecration.

✍️ Dr. Mia Hetényi

Grief –

Grief is one of the biggest mountains you’ll ever have to climb.

Not least, because it’s one that you absolutely won’t want to.

And people may talk of ‘getting over it’.

But the truth is,

I don’t think we ever do.

And that’s not to say that we don’t end up on the other side of the mountain. I’m not saying that we’re stuck in one place forever.

But, rather than getting over it…

Perhaps we find a cave we can walk through which brings us out on the other side. It may be dark and dim and difficult, but we make it through into the light.

Perhaps we find a path around the mountain that leads to the other side. It may take a long time and it might be unsteady and precarious, but we make it round.

Or perhaps we just slowly edge our way past. A little up, a little through, a little round. Step by step.

No, I don’t think we get over it. It is too big, too overwhelming.

Too insurmountable.

So instead we get through it.

Round it.

Or quite possibly,

we just get by.

~ Words by Becky Hemsley

~ Art ‘Dreaming Tree’ by Tanielle Childers

Grief

Grief is hard.

It is relentless

And exhausting,

And a constant reminder

Of the void in our lives.

Grief is painful.

A physical pain

Within our chest,

Reminding us

That our hearts have splintered.

Grief is exhausting.

It takes everything

To keep going.

Day after day,

To live for our loved ones.

Grief is isolating.

We feel alone,

As if no one understands.

As if we are drowning,

And no one notices

That we don’t know how to swim.

Grief is scary.

The thoughts in our heads

Get dark and real.

They tell us “just let go,”

As if no one would care

If we slipped away.

But we are not alone.

So many others know this pain,

They feel this void, too.

So say their name.

Tell the stories

Of those you’ve lost.

Tell me about your person,

And smile at the good memories.

Cry for their absence,

You are safe to grieve here.

We are not alone.

We are not alone.

We are not

Alone.

-Jessica VanNeste

Loss

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”

Anne Lamott

Lyda Borelli, 1910.