She has lived with schizophrenia for 30 years and it’s been challenging, but I still cherish our relationship
— Read on www.nextavenue.org/caregiving-for-my-mentally-ill-mother/
Tag: family
Drained by a toxic family member- Sherrie Campbell Ph D
Tuesday Teachings
When someone is draining you dry emotionally, you find that all your thoughts are consumed by them. You fear them, you can’t ever predict them, and you find yourself doing things you would rather not do just to keep the peace.
It’s a hard reality to accept that certain people will never be satisfied with anyone, especially those they feel the closest to. The title “family” creates a space where abuses are justified and considered necessary; whereas, these same forms of treatment would be punishable outside of the title of family.
A toxic family member’s goal is to get in your head, make you question yourself, make you feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong, and to punish you for crimes you did not commit. They project all of their own foul behaviors onto you and label you the perpetrator.
The more you try and fight this craziness, they more drained you become. This is why it is always best to set boundaries and walk away from engaging in one non-productive fight after another.
Let them – Elders Parents message to their children
When Parents Grow Old!
Let them grow old with the same love that they let you grow… Let them speak and tell repeated stories with the same patience and interest that they heard yours as a child… Let them overcome, like so many times when they let you win… Let them enjoy their friends just as they let you… Let them enjoy the talks with their grandchildren, because they see you in them… Let them enjoy living among the objects that have accompanied them for a long time, because they suffer when they feel that you tear pieces of this life away… Let them be wrong, like so many times you have been wrong and they didn’t embarrass you by correcting you…
LET THEM LIVE and try to make them happy the last stretch of the path they have left to go; give them your hand, just like they gave you their hand when you started your path!
Incompetent and Unethical – Craig Childress, PsyD
I think I’m going to talk about your surrounding mental health professionals this Sunday over Coffee & Crumpets w/ Dr. Childress here on Facebook Live.
What do you do about the involved mental health people surrounding you? They might be custody evaluators (I hope not), they might be “reunification therapists” (there’s no such thing), they might be individual child therapists who are colluding and participating in the psychological abuse of the child.
What do you do about them? I should talk about that this Sunday over coffee.
You want documentation of their diagnosis and treatment plan. They don’t have one and they will resist telling you what their diagnosis and treatment plan is – BUT – you will want to challenge their diagnosis as a misdiagnosis and you will want a second opinion.
Think healthcare – think medical doctors. If the doctor says you have cancer and you don’t think so, what do you do? You get a second opinion. That’s what you want to do, you want a second opinion on their diagnosis because you believe they have misdiagnosed (misidentified) the pathology (problem) in your family.
And they have. The pathology in the family courts is a shared (induced) persecutory delusion and false (factitious) attachment pathology imposed on the child by a pathological narcissistic-borderline- dark personality parent.
Did the involved mental health professionals conduct a proper risk assessment for possible child abuse to the appropriate differential diagnosis for each parent?
No they did not.
Did the involved mental health professionals conduct a proper assessment for a possible shared (induced) persecutory delusion?
No they did not.
Did the involved mental health professionals misdiagnose (misidentify) the pathology (problem) in the family?
Yes, they did.
Was it a negligent misdiagnosis?
Google negligent: failing to take proper care in doing something.
The allied parent is accusing the targeted parent of abusive-range parenting that is creating the child’s attachment pathology toward the targeted parent – a two-person attribution of causality.
The targeted parent is accusing the allied parent of psychologically abusing the child by creating a shared (induced) persecutory delusion and factitious attachment pathology in the child for secondary gain to the pathological allied parent – a three-person triangle attribution of causality.
A proper risk assessment for possible child abuse needs to be conducted to the appropriate differential diagnosis for each parent. Was a proper risk assessment conducted by the involved mental health professionals?
No. You will want to begin the process of exposing their negligent misdiagnosis resulting from their practice beyond the boundaries of their competence in 1) the diagnostic assessment of delusional thought disorders, 2) their diagnostic assessment and treatment of attachment pathology, and 3) their diagnostic assessment and treatment of family systems pathology.
All ethics codes for all professionals have Standards prohibiting practice beyond the boundaries of competence based on their education, training, and experience.
The assessment for a possible persecutory thought disorder is a Mental Status Exam of thought and perception – Martin, 1990 – they are dead in the water.
Mental Status Exam
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK320/
Their additional absence of competence in attachment pathology and family systems layers on additional violations to ethical standards of practice.
Because they are incompetent, they have misdiagnosed the pathology in the family and are treating cancer with insulin… and the patient is dying because of their negligent (failure to take proper care) misdiagnosis.
You will want to begin collecting your documentation to challenge their diagnosis and subsequent “treatment” plan by obtaining their diagnosis and treatment plan… in writing.
They will resist. They must disclose their diagnosis and treatment plan. Ask for a Treatment Progress Update report, then watch them avoid providing one.
You will need to become familiar with the laws in your state regarding disclosure of information – if you share consent rights for the child’s treatment, then you have the right to know what the child’s diagnosis and treatment plan are.
Think healthcare – think medical problems. If your child has a medical problem, you have the right to know what the diagnosis and treatment plan is. Same exact thing, you don’t need to prove something to someone, you just need them to do their job.
What is their diagnosis and treatment plan? Get that in writing. Then challenge it as a misdiagnosis because they failed to conduct a proper risk assessment to the appropriate differential diagnosis for each parent.
Understand this… if they believe a shared delusion, they become PART of the shared delusion, they become part of the pathology. When that pathology is child abuse, they become PART of the child abuse – they – the involved mental health people become participants in the psychological abuse of the child…
…because they are practicing beyond the boundaries of their competence in violation of ethical standards of practice for their profession.
I should talk about that this Sunday over coffee, what do you do about your involved mental health people?
You have rights. They have obligations.
A patient should NEVER have to explain the pathology to the doctor, they should already know. If you have to explain the pathology, document that you are explaining it to them – learn Letter to a Stranger.
WrightsLaw Letter to a Stranger
https://www.wrightslaw.com/advoc/articles/Letter_to_Stranger.html
You’re not writing to the involved mental health person, you’re documenting them into the record for the magistrate who will hear their malpractice lawsuit, or board complaint, or court testimony.
Plan ahead. The pathogen can’t. Stop being now-reactive. You’re the healthier parent. We need your leadership for the family. You need support. Let’s get you the support you need.
We’ll start by getting rid of the incompetent and unethical child abusing mental health people that surround you. The mental health professional should NEVER be a participant in the psychological abuse of their client-child… but they are.
They deserve to lose their licenses for practice beyond the boundaries of competence in violation of ethical standards, resulting in their collusive participation in the psychological abuse of the child… and the spousal psychological abuse of the targeted parent.
You have rights. They have obligations. We’ll talk more on Sunday over coffee here on Facebook Live at 8:00 Pacific.
Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857
Homes and Dreams in jeopardy
I know this all too well personally , and it is very sad.. I saw this happening in my birth home area, then the small town I grew up in and then the area I lived in my marriage.
My move here 14 years ago has seen runs on farms and homes twice and rentals go sky high , while marketing this area and a migration that eclipses many locals ability to go from renter to homeowner .
This is a rambling love letter – a heartbroken breakup note to a lost love named Asheville, as well as for all who continue to love her, no matter how painful this love may sting.
The crush is on and it is very real. Just a few months shy of 20 years ago, our young family moved to our dream town of Asheville, North Carolina. This Appalachian mountain treasure of a community was absolutely to be our lifetime home. For years and years, we continued to drive and walk in concentric circles around our beloved artsy village, almost pinching ourselves to help us realize that this had really happened. Asheville was really our home.
We knew this was the place where we would rest our heads after our final breaths on this earth. Other people who finish the sentence we started. We always ran into beloved friends, no matter the time of day or location around our little mini-city. We felt a love and pride for our area that we had never felt in our lives.
But then about 7 or 8 years ago, things began to change. We started to see the rabid hordes of tourists and opportunist out-of-state investors swarming into our area. They were simply responding to the maniacal, if not cavalier over-marketing of our incredible secret gem. No matter where on Earth I traveled to speak, people were suddenly huddling around me asking if Asheville was REALLY as amazing as all of those magazine and TV stories claimed it to be. My wife and I were receiving 5 to 10 texts, emails and messages every single week from friends, friends of friends, and total strangers, asking us for advice on how to move here to what I have long called my beautiful “Appalachian City of Light”.
My family and community of friends stood in horror as we watched out precious “forever home” begin to dwindle away under the strains of gentrification and America’s ever- expanding divisions between classes. The orphans of wealth began filling out streets and homeless shelters. Many are beautiful souls who once had good jobs and many had owned once-thriving businesses in the Asheville area. Now they were sleeping in doorways and forced to beg for change or scraps of food from total strangers – often with their spouse and children by their side.
We were forced to watch the slow and prolonged strangling and ultimate asphyxiation of the goose that laid the golden egg. The incredible street performers, musicians, artists, hippies and visionaries that we are and adore so much – the freaky souls who made this town so magical in the first place – could no longer live anywhere near town. They made it the cool place to be, yet now they all had to leave and make way for “progress”. Rents went up 20%, then 30%, then 40%. Home prices doubled and TRIPLED.
Yes, this hell on wheels headed straight for the cliff is happening all over the world. I understand that. But for OUR family, friends and loved ones here in Asheville, our hearts feel truly broken. It literally feels as if we are laying a beloved, inspiring elder of a family member to rest. She has been choked within an inch of her life, very often by people who once vowed to “have her back” in those moments when we saw the impending winds of change on the horizon.
Our “property management” guy is constantly reminding us whenever we put in a maintenance request that he could easily rent the home we are in for another $600 more on top of the $500 that they have already added in the three years that we have been in this house. He always makes sure to keep us in our place and remind us that this house (as dilapidated as it is) has more than DOUBLED IN “VALUE” since we moved into it just over three years ago. This is while my family is literally stewing in the boiling explosion of costs associated with living in, or even near, our dream town.
I am not faulting anyone in particular. We just feel sad. Very sad. And we know it is past time to let go of our Asheville dreams and move on. But where???? That is the million dollar question, isn’t it? Oh wait……. I’m not the guy with the millions of dollars who actually gets to ask the questions.
Genetic Traits We Can Only Inherit From Our Immediate Family Members
As Dad was ” exiting ” , I found him sleeping as I do normally , on my side .
My blood type is his 0-
My hair is more his than hers.
We have our immediate family members to thank for these unique genetic traits
— Read on www.parentmood.com/en/genetic-inherit-family-traits-can
The Family That Built an Empire of Pain | The New Yorker
Patrick Radden Keefe on how the Sackler family and its firm, Purdue Pharma, ruthlessly marketed painkillers to generate billions of dollars—and millions of opioid addicts.
— Read on www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/10/30/the-family-that-built-an-empire-of-pain
Narcissist don’t do counseling..
After 1 session of Family Counseling, he stated he would not return ..
David Brooks: The New Old Age – The Atlantic
Yes yes , reverence for the wisdom of elders instead of what we have come to be in regard to our older generation.. Drs treated me old in my late 30s … I watched and listened to my elders.. It’s way past time to do better 👍😘
What a new life stage can teach the rest of us about how to find meaning and purpose—before it’s too late
— Read on www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2023/08/career-retirement-transition-academic-programs/675085/
America Is in Its Insecure-Attachment Era – The Atlantic
Detachment was a horrible failure , attachment can get very distorted . It’s time to address exactly what the individual child needs and not fail the needs of foundation.
Do you see me ?
Do you hear me ?
Do I matter ?
Discomfort with intimacy seems to be on the rise—and no one’s quite sure why.
— Read on www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/04/insecure-attachment-style-intimacy-decline-isolation/673867/
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 