Tag: erasing families

Walking on EggShells with alienated child(ren)

When our relationship with our child has been damaged because of the alienating behaviours of our ex, it becomes very challenging to establish boundaries and normal parental authority because we fear inadvertently worsening an already strained and limited relationship. It’s common for alienated parents to feel like they’re walking on eggshells around their child. There are truths we’d like to tell them, but an alienated child often fiercely resists hearing the truth about their situation and reacts with anger and denial due to their psychological defence mechanism against confronting uncomfortable realities. The alienating parent has empowered the child to pass judgment, criticise, and emotionally disconnect, so of course, there’s a genuine worry that asserting parental authority might create even more physical and/or emotional distance between us and our child. ⁠

⁠

Equally, it’s always a good idea to do what we can to avoid being walked over! And if it’s not us saying to our child, ‘That’s not a kind way to treat somebody’ or ‘Those are the rules in my house’, it’s not going to be anyone else. It’s about boundaries and teaching our children respectful behaviour. This is challenging during those teenage years when they’re more predisposed to rebellion anyway; they don’t need a lot of encouragement. It is fairly easy for an alienating parent to take full advantage of this. ⁠

⁠

Our relationship with our children, being so wilfully harmed and unstable, prevents us from fully relaxing and enjoying the time together. This certainly doesn’t help. Challenging and unnecessary as it is, we just have to keep being patient, empathetic and understand this is not their authentic behaviour. We have been thrown into a warzone together, one we’re trying to survive, and it’s not one we chose to participate in. Focus on building a peaceful, safe and supportive space for your child, even if they cannot fully grasp the truth of their situation at the moment. Over time, with consistent love and care, there’s a chance that they might be able to see through the manipulation, hear the truth, and heal. ⁠

If you are going through parental alienation, know you’re not alone. I’ve been through it myself. Personally and professionally, I have over 20 years of experience. I am reunited with my children and here to offer support with daily posts on social media and also with the coaching I offer. Feel free to reach out to me anytime.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#CoerciveControl

#

Crime of Parental Alienation /Charlie McCready

The realisation that a parent has deceived them is horrifying. It’s no easy feat to come to terms with the lies fed to them to create a distorted picture of one of their parents – and often that entire side of the family too. They may remember how they felt at first when the alienating behaviours started, the times they felt conflicted and torn between their love for both parents and the requirement, encouragement and reasons given by one not to love the other, and their desire to please the parent who seemed so rightfully angry.

At first, there’s a profound sense of disbelief and shock that a parent they trusted manipulated them into believing a web of lies that poisoned their perception of a parent they had loved and wouldn’t have chosen to reject without their encouragement, coercion and false narratives. Anger quickly follows. It’s a betrayal that cuts deep as they grapple with the enormity of the lies. It hurts as they try to find a way to understand the fact their love and loyalty were exploited for selfish motives.

There’s grief too. A mourning for the time lost, and the version of their life that could have been, the innocence lost too. It’s a terrible realisation that their childhood was not what it should have been as they discover the extent of the deception. They may struggle to reconcile the person they are today with the person they could have been if they’d been allowed to make their own judgments and decisions.

Shame and self-blame can follow because they wonder how they were so easily misled. How can they ever trust their judgement again? Why didn’t they see the truth sooner? It’s a heavy burden to bear, feeling as though they played a role in their manipulation and the grief and anger they feel now that their rejected parent was put through because of the alienating behaviours of their trusted parent.

Ultimately, there’s a yearning for clarity and truth, even as the reality is painful to accept. Although the journey towards understanding and acceptance is fraught with complex emotions, it can also be liberating, as they break free of coercive control and deception. They can reconstruct their identity and life as they unpick the lies.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#CoerciveControl

Psychological Splitting from Abuse /Parental Alienation – Charlie McCarthy

The emotional strain and confusion resulting from parental conflict can be overwhelming. The child may feel powerless, torn between loyalty to both parents or fearful of displeasing the ‘favoured’ alienating parent. Fear of displeasing the alienating parent, coupled with emotional manipulation and coercion, may prompt the child to distance themselves emotionally from the targeted parent, resorting to disassociation as a protective measure or psychologically ‘split’. This is because the child’s mind instinctively resorts to disassociation to protect itself from intense emotional distress.

Disassociation offers the child a psychological escape from the distress caused by parental alienation. By emotionally detaching from the alienated parent, the child shields themselves from the pain and confusion of their situation, essentially numbing themselves to cope with the overwhelming emotional turmoil.

However, despite the challenges posed by this emotional cut-off/disassociation, there is hope for children affected by parental alienation. Children can overcome this defence mechanism and reconnect with the alienated parent. Even from afar, the alienated parent can be a beacon of stability and love, providing a role model for their child. With time, understanding, and intervention, reconnection is possible, offering healing and restoration to families affected by parental alienation.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#coercivecontrol

#parentalalienation

Justifying mistreatment/ Narcissism

A narcissist or toxic person will find every excuse in the book to justify their mistreatment or abuse.

They believe that because they “feel” a certain way about you, were “told” something about you, “heard” something about you, or “think” something negative about you, they are entitled to:

• Disrespect you

• Devalue you

• Bully you

• Try to control you

• Treat you badly

• Take their anger out on you

They will always blame their actions and behaviors on you or someone else. They rarely apologize to those they hurt—unless it benefits them or gets them something they want.

Your worth is not defined by their projections. Refuse to be a part of their cycle and take back your power.

#WordsOfSteele #ShatteredSilence #RadiantResilience #TruthPrevails #BoldAndUnbreakable #LetSandiSteeleGO

Purpose in the Pain – Parental Alienation/Charlie McCarthy

In the harrowing and heartbreaking experience of parental alienation, we face a choice that can be as transformative as it is challenging: to emerge from the darkness, either bitter or better. The pain inflicted by the alienation of our children is indescribable (though I do try in my posts as best I can). It is natural to harbour bitterness towards the alienating parent and the unjust circumstances, the handling of it by others who are supposed to help. However, channelling that pain into growth, resilience, and self-discovery can lead to a profound transformation. There’s no denying it’s an arduous journey that demands immense strength, but by embracing the pain and using it as a catalyst for personal growth, we can become stronger, wiser, and more compassionate individuals.

Finding purpose in pain may initially seem inconceivable amidst the devastation of parental alienation. Yet, within the crucible of such suffering lies the potential for profound self-awareness. Some of us discover an unwavering commitment to advocating for the rights of alienated parents and their children. By navigating the intricate layers of emotional violence, manipulation, and grief, target parents can become powerful voices for change, shedding light on the insidious nature of parental alienation and spreading awareness about the urgent need for legislative reforms to protect families from this heinous phenomenon.

Though the journey is arduous, each step towards healing and self-improvement is a testament to the strength of the human spirit. The pain of parental alienation is not without purpose; it can be the fuel that drives our mission to bring about change and awareness about this form of abuse, impacting far too many wonderful, wrongly maligned, poorly supported and alienated/rejected parents. In the face of immense adversity, choosing to emerge better, not bitter, is a declaration of resilience and hope for a future where parent-child relationships can flourish and no one suffers the agony of being alienated from the ones they love.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#fathersrights

#mothersrights

#parentalalienation

#parentalalienationawareness

Inner Child Wounds

From the lived experience of our personal reality, our inner child wounds certainly are real, as they reek havoc throughout our lives and relationships causing much pain.

Our minds disconnect these traumatic painful events which, during our formative years, we are unable to process in a healthy emotional way. They are pushed into our subconscious minds where they wait, causing disruption from behind the curtain, until we have the conscious awareness and emotional fortitude to re-engage and heal them.

Once we release the emotional blockages, and hence the emotional charge of these suppressed memories, we gain awareness that they have no real power over us unless we continue to ignore and suppress them.

Through healing, we liberate our souls from the shackles of these subconscious mind constructs. The fear, pain, guilt, shame, etc., dissolves as it is incorporated and integrated into our conscious awareness. Once this perspective is reached, and healing is achieved, the memories and emotions are realized as illusionary constructs of a subconscious mind that used them to fortify the ego, in its own bid for control over its own illusionary existence.

The ego, from the perspective of a higher consciousness, exists to create its own illusions of false beliefs to challenge our soul’s full expression, which ego sees as a threat. We believe these illusions are real until we shine the light of our conscious awareness into the darkness of our subconscious ego mind.

The darkness then dissolves as it is brought into the light, and we become whole.

🤍

-JMB