Tag: Children

Sweet Child of Mine

Sweet child of mine

I’d grab a star and

store it full of magic

and endless light to

carry you through,

out into days that

would take you

away although

never far enough

for distance, yet

pull you across

time where I’d

wrap myself in

the gentle folds

of remembrance,

an endless candle

illuminating every

eternal memory,

our days never

stretching long

enough when our

stories blended

into all the wonder

of your unwinding

imagination,

where I fell with you

back into a dream,

a child again holding

a gift I was given…

a heart-shaped star

full of light and magic.

gwj

(artist unknown)

Boundaries – Charlie Mc Cready

Enforcing boundaries can be challenging for the targeted parent. The child may have been told you’re mean, so when you don’t buy that pony or new iPhone, they immediately reinforce those negative beliefs. And, of course, this is ridiculous, and the odds are unfairly stacked against us. Is the alienating parent buying that new pony or iPhone? No? But they’re not the ones getting judged. All eyes are on us. That is how the alienating parent has manipulated the situation. ⁠

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The temptation to give in and buy the child their sweeties is strong. Make life easy. Avoid conflict. I truly understand this. I also realise that, having been denied time (a little or a lot), we want to make the most of it and have the best time possible. So maybe we do overinduldge, more than we normally would. This is not a normal situation. It’s so important to have boundaries still. If we keep buying them those ‘sweeties’, let’s say we could potentially be ‘feeding a monster’. I’m not saying our children are monsters. But they are in a monstrous situation. And we risk unintentionally empowering the child further in the process of parental alienation. By not setting boundaries, the child may continue to manipulate or exploit the situation, which can perpetuate the alienation dynamic.⁠

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Setting boundaries, even in the face of resistance or hostility from the alienating parent or the child, is crucial. It helps establish a sense of stability and consistency for the child, which can benefit their emotional well-being. It also communicates to the child that their behaviour has limits and expectations, even if they have been influenced to believe otherwise. By enforcing boundaries, the targeted parent maintains their own integrity and self-respect. It helps prevent further erosion of their relationship with the child and can allow the child to eventually see through the manipulations and realise the truth.⁠

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Boundaries are a means to protect both your well-being and the potential for healing and reconciliation with your child in the long run.⁠

Shift in family values

It indeed has shifted and much damage done ; but it’s shifting again to strong values centered around the children !

“Why would divorce increase the risk? In my clinical work I have seen how divorce can create a radical realignment of long-held bonds of loyalty, gratitude, and obligation in a family. It can tempt one parent to poison the child against the other. It can cause children to reexamine their lives prior to divorce and shift their perspective so they now support one parent and oppose the other. It can bring in new people—stepparents or stepsiblings—to compete with the child for emotional or material resources. Divorce—as well as the separation of parents who never married—can alter the gravitational trajectories of a family so that, over time, members spin further and further out of one another’s reach. And when they do, they might not feel compelled to return,” writes Joshua Coleman.

www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/01/why-parents-and-kids-get-estranged/617612/