Tag: Children

Dear Child who watched their parents fall apart

Dear Child Who Watched Their Parents Fall Apart,

You remember the slammed doors.

The words that cut through walls.

The silence that said more than shouting ever could.

You remember trying to be small,

to not take up space, to be the reason they stayed

or at least the reason they didn’t fight that night.

And you tried—you tried so hard to keep the peace in a war that wasn’t yours.

You didn’t understand all of it,

but you felt it.

The shift.

The distance.

The way love started to sound different—like something sharp and cold.

You watched the people who were supposed to teach you how to love, forget how to love each other.

And that kind of heartbreak?

It stays with you in quiet ways.

In the way you flinch at conflict.

In the way you over-apologize.

In the way you question if love always ends in leaving.

But none of this was your fault.

Not the tension.

Not the breaking.

Not the way they stopped looking at each other like they used to.

You were just a child.

And children should never have to carry adult heartbreak.

You deserved to feel safe.

To feel shielded.

To feel like your home was a soft place to land—not a battlefield with no winner.

So if no one ever told you this before,

hear it now:

You were never the problem.

You were just the quiet witness to something they couldn’t hold together.

And you deserved so much more peace than they gave you.

You still do.

Disordered Parenting / Recovery – Charlie McCready

I hope these words, shared with permission, bring you comfort. I know how hard it is—the uncertainty, the second-guessing, replaying failed or missed moments. It’s easy to be consumed by anger, grief, and the injustice of it all. Rising above it is unimaginably hard, but your happiness matters. And there is hope. ⁠

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The story of this previously alienated mother shows that even after years of alienation, reconciliation is possible. Her child’s words—acknowledging the manipulation and indoctrination – must have confirmed her worst fears. Alienation is real! But the love was always there too! They’ve just been coerced and indoctrinated into feeling they do not, or should not love us. Let this remind you: love can persist, even through the darkest times.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#overcomingadversity

#EmotionalAbuseAwareness

#parentalalienation

Charlie McCready-Alienating any threat to their ego, hidden agenda & control

Parental alienation involves psychological abuse, and coercive control. It involves dark dynamics where people, often driven by insecurity, unresolved trauma, narcissism, attachment disorders (and more), resort to manipulation and cruelty to maintain dominance.

In these toxic relationships, some perpetrators perceive their victims as threats to their control, ego, or hidden agendas. This perception becomes the breeding ground for intensified abuse and manipulation. The more control slips through their fingers, the more they tighten their grip, all driven by the irrational fear of losing what they believe is rightfully theirs. Or wishing to punish.

And when victims, often after enduring prolonged suffering, gather the courage to sever ties with their oppressors, the reaction is often volatile. Furious at the prospect of losing their grip on power, the perpetrators retaliate with even greater ferocity. They see the victim’s actions as challenging their supremacy and respond by escalating the abuse, seeking to reassert their control.

This vicious cycle perpetuates the suffering of those ensnared within it. Victims find themselves between the desperate need for liberation and the dread of the backlash they may face when attempting to break free. The emotional scars from these abusive relationships can run deep, and the healing journey can be long. It’s incredibly helpful to surround yourself with people or be in communities where others understand what you’re going through. You can find strength in understanding the pathology and knowing you are not alone. You can reclaim your life. And so can the children.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatterToo

#FathersMatter

#overcomingtrauma

Charlie McCready – Surviving Child Psychological Abuse

This question to a ‘target’ parent from an alienated child sounds like a desperate plea: “Why don’t you just apologise for everything?” After enduring relentless psychological manipulation, coercive control, and pathogenic parenting, the alienated child is left emotionally drained and yearning for peace. Denial, projection, and submission may become their coping mechanisms as they struggle to navigate the toxic dynamics imposed upon them. The child may become parentified because of the infantile behaviour of their alienating pathogenic parent whose psycho-emotional needs demand obedience, unquestioning loyalty, and sacrifice. The needs and wishes of the parent are prioritised over those of the child, and justifications and excuses on the hero/victim theme will be employed. In the grip of attachment disorders and cognitive dissonance, the child finds it increasingly difficult to resist the demands of the alienating parent.⁠

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This is a relationship that’s based on fear, intimidation, bribery, threats, and control but with enough promise of love and care to keep them stuck and hoping for better. The emotional manipulation involves gaslighting, blameshifting and guilt-tripping. The trauma bond created by this kind of disordered, abusive (often narcissistic) parenting creates an experience for the child akin to that of Stockholm Syndrome, entrapping the child in a cycle of fear, intimidation, and control. Despite the toxicity of the relationship, the entrapment becomes thought of as safer than the alternative (freedom) and it can lead the alienated child to defend and protect their aligned parent even when things don’t really make sense (cognitive dissonance). Their compliance comes about through a longing to fix things and for love and survival (identification with an aggressor).

They become so accustomed to placating the alienating parent that they cannot comprehend why the ‘target’ parent resists. Also, all wrongs have been projected onto the ‘target’ parent. In their quest for survival and a semblance of normalcy, they can become so accustomed to submitting and placating the domination, tantrums, drama and conflict that often surrounds the alienating parent, they think it’s easier for the ‘target’ parent just to capitulate as they do, and apologise for everything, believing this will bring an end to their suffering.

However, I’m sure you know, as an alienated parent, surrendering to manipulation is not the solution. It doesn’t end there. It (typically) just continues. The children should know this too, but it’s hard for them to ‘break free’ from the coercive control and psychological abuse inflicted on them. But we can show them. Maintaining integrity, being non-reactive, creating boundaries, and refusing to apologise for injustices we did not commit, we can show our strength, and show our children the way towards healing and liberation from the trauma bonds.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#traumabonding

#coercivecontrol

#narcissisticparent

Mental & Legal Professionals fail our children/ Parental Alienation

It’s crucial for mental health professionals and family courts to look beyond the “voice of the child.” While a child’s expressed wishes are important, they can be influenced by various factors, including enmeshment with one parent and coercive control dynamics. In these situations, the child might be manipulated or pressured into expressing negative feelings or rejection towards the other parent. Covert psychological abuse and trauma bonding are central elements of these dynamics. These behaviours are subtle, they may even look like love, closeness, and care, making them challenging to detect.

Due to ongoing manipulation and control, trauma bonding occurs when the child becomes emotionally attached to the alienating parent, further reinforcing their unjustified, ‘coached’ negative perceptions of the other parent.

Therefore, mental health professionals and family courts have a duty of care to conduct thorough and impartial assessments, looking beyond appearances. Failing to do so inadvertently allows what could be seen as a form of legal kidnapping, where a child is unjustly separated from a loving parent. It’s essential that professionals consider the broader context, potential manipulation, and the child’s best interests to ensure fair and just outcomes in such sensitive cases.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#FamilyCourt

#divorce

#highconflictdivorce

#traumabonding

The Alienator – Charlie McCready

At the core of parental alienation lies a troubling truth: the alienating parent often harbours a profound animosity towards their ex-partner that eclipses their love for their child. This dynamic can be unsettling, as it reveals how personal vendettas can overshadow the fundamental duty of nurturing a child’s emotional and psychological well-being.

An alienator typically views their ex as an adversary rather than a co-parent. This perspective often stems from unresolved conflicts, feelings of betrayal, or even jealousy. Rather than seeking to heal or move forward, they channel that pain and perceived wrongs into a relentless campaign against their former partner. Their fixation on undermining the other parent can manifest in various ways—through manipulative narratives, distorted truths, and emotional coercion, all designed to create distance between the child and the targeted parent.

This hatred can be so consuming that it clouds the alienator’s ability to see the child’s needs clearly. They may project their bitterness onto the child, expecting them to take sides in a conflict that has little to do with the child’s own feelings or experiences. In doing so, the alienator denies their child the love and support they desperately need from both parents. The alienating parent may profess love for their child, but it is conditional and subject to the child’s allegiance to them and their distorted worldview.

The impact on the child can be profound and damaging. As the alienator fosters feelings of fear, resentment, and distrust towards the other parent, they may inadvertently instil in the child a skewed understanding of relationships. They may be led to believe that expressing affection for the targeted parent is a betrayal of their ‘favoured’ parent, reinforcing a toxic dynamic that prioritises control over emotional honesty.

Ultimately in their obsessive pursuit of revenge or validation, alienators are willing to sacrifice their child’s mental health and happiness. Recognising this truth is crucial for understanding the dynamics of parental alienation. It highlights the urgent need for intervention, support, and education for both parents and professionals.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#gaslightingawareness

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#pathogenicparent