Tag: Children

A child’s view of parental alienation

From a child’s perspective:⁠

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Mom/Dad tells me I can’t see my other parent because they’re bad and they’ve done all these bad things, but I don’t understand why they’d do that. I always felt happy to be with them and I miss them. It hurts when I’m not allowed to see them. Why can’t I have both my parents like before? Why can’t I see both my parents like my mom/dad does? They’re angry with my mom/dad, but I’m not … although the things I hear are really upsetting. ⁠

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I remember when we did things together – like picnics and playing games. Now it’s just me and Mom/Dad. They say the other parent doesn’t care about me, but I can’t believe that’s true. Surely that’s not right! They used to laugh with me and hug me. It’s confusing because the stories I hear are so different from what I remember. It’s like my Mom/Dad I miss so much has always been a monster, and I didn’t know it. All the time, I had no idea how bad they really were, and I can’t get my head around it. I’ve kind of lost all the good memories too because I didn’t know the truth of what they have been all this time. It’s so sad. ⁠

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I try to understand it all, but it’s hard. I want to ask questions, but I’m scared it’ll make Mom/Dad angry or sad. Sometimes I hear them talking about court or lawyers, and I don’t know why. I wish I could tell them that I love both of them and want to see Mom/Dad too. It feels like a secret I’m not supposed to say out loud.⁠

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I don’t know why everything changed. I don’t want to think that one of my parents is bad. It’s like my heart is split in two, and I want things to go back to how they used to be. I wish I could understand why this is happening. I don’t think I can cope with thinking about it anymore. I’m just going to have to cut off because it’s too hard and upsetting. I do believe what my Mom/Dad says. Why would they lie to me? They are doing all they can to protect me from all this.

#charliemccready

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#parentalalienation

#childpsychologicalabuse

Insidious manifestation of Domestic & Child Abuse ; Parental Alienation – Charlie McCready

Since the 1970s, scientists and psychologists have dedicated extensive research to parental alienation, establishing a clear link between this phenomenon and psychological maltreatment. After decades of ongoing study, parental alienation is now identified as one of the most insidious manifestations of domestic and child abuse, stemming from emotional abuse and family violence.

Parental alienation encompasses a set of characteristics associated with narcissistic and hostile aggressive parenting aimed at intentionally disrupting a child’s relationship with the other parent, usually following a high-conflict separation or divorce. These behaviours cause significant harm, resulting in profound damage to the mental and emotional well-being of the child. Psychologists researching parental alienation widely agree that it constitutes one of the most horrific forms of psychological violence.

Narcissism, marked by an absence of empathy, becomes evident in parental alienation, where the lack of concern for the suffering of both the targeted parent and child is shocking. The narcissistic parent employs manipulation and emotional exploitation to systematically dismantle the image of the targeted spouse, doing so in a brutal manner with the sole intent of eradicating the love the child shares with the other parent.

An alienating parent takes further destructive actions by sabotaging or blocking contact and then misleading the child into believing they’ve been abandoned and is unloved by the same blocked ‘target’ parent. This manipulative tactic encourages the child’s unjustified rejection of a parent they love and who loves them, constituting a form of child psychological abuse.

I’ve been through this myself. Reach out if I can help you with the coaching I offer.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#childpsychologicalabuse

#emotionalabuse

#ChildCustody

A good man

When a man is good;

He never allows his flaws to destroy his family.

He never disrespects the mother of his children.

He never lets his weaknesses tear down his home.

He never allows his anger to burn down the bridges of love.

He never permits his fears to dictate his decisions.

He never enables his ego to silence his heart.

He never lets his pride get in the way of forgiveness.

He never allows his doubts to overshadow his faith.

Instead, he chooses to be a rock, a shelter, and a safe haven.

He chooses to be a guiding light, a beacon of hope, and a source of strength.

He chooses to love, to honor, and to respect.

He chooses to protect, to provide, and to nurture.

He chooses to be a good man, a good husband, and a good father.

Remember, family is a treasure…

Those who do not move , do not notice their chains

The quote about liberation from oppression captures how people can become so entangled in a situation that they fail to recognise their own subjugation. Alienated children are caught in a web of emotional manipulation, coercive control, psychological abuse, fear, and loyalty binds that prevent them from seeing the truth about the situation and, as a result, being distanced from a loving parent. The alienating parent creates a situation where the child’s perception becomes skewed, making it difficult for them to recognise the unhealthy dynamics at play and how they’ve become stuck, as if in chains. The children might believe they are acting out of their own free will, but they are held captive by invisible emotional chains, preventing them from breaking free and realising the depth of their situation. Often during custody battles, the control over the children and the indoctrination going on worsens. We need to keep raising awareness about parental alienation and its effects on children, as well as the need for intervention to help these children break free from the psychological control that binds them.⁠

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Rosa Luxemburg was a Polish theorist, philosopher, economist, and advocate for democracy, women’s rights, and worker’s liberation.⁠

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#ChildCustody

Craig Childress – Child Abuse / This is where we are heading legally

This is where we are headed.

When child abuse is a considered diagnosis, our diagnosis needs to be accurate 100% of the time. The consequences for misdiagnosing child abuse are too devastating for the child.

The appellate system for a disputed diagnosis is second opinion. Each litigant-parent is making allegations of abuse against the other.

The Court should identify a psychologist to conduct the diagnostic assessment, and each litigant parent should be allowed to appoint a second opinion consultant to ensure that both parents’ issues are properly addressed.

Forensic custody evaluations need to end. They are a failed experiment in a quasi-judicial role for doctors. They were allowed to experiment on children and parents without proper oversight or review… and their experiment failed.

Miserably failed. As a result of their failed experiment on children and parents, the lives of thousands upon thousands of children and their parents were irrevocably destroyed.

Why were they allowed to experiment on children and parents?

We need to end this failed experiment that is destroying the lives of children and parents daily, and we need to return to standard healthcare practices of diagnosis and treatment.

There is no quasi-judicial role for doctors. Doctors don’t decide on custody – courts do. Courts don’t diagnose pathology – doctors do.

The doctors left the field of healthcare to do something… different. They tried to be mini-judges deciding on custody rather than diagnosing pathology. That was a very-very bad thing to do.

When doctors don’t diagnose pathology, the courts need to start diagnosing (identifying) what the problem in the family is, and that’s not their role or their training.

When doctors stop being doctors, everything gets messed up.

All the doctors in the family courts, all the forensic psychologists, need to return to their healthcare role as doctors and provide the Court with an accurate diagnosis of the pathology 100% of the time.

Any diagnosis returned into the legal system will be a disputed diagnosis – so second opinions through telehealth should be routinely obtained.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.

Clinical Psychologist

WA 61538481

OR 3942 – CA 18857

Alienating Parents

An alienating parent can appear loving and protective while inflicting psychological abuse on their child through manipulative tactics such as creating fear of the other parent, portraying themselves as victims, withholding information, isolating the child from the targeted parent and extended family, using rewards and punishment to control behaviour, emotionally manipulating the child, gaslighting, discrediting the targeted parent, and undermining their authority. This facade of care masks their intention to control the child’s perceptions, isolate them from the other parent, and maintain dominance over the child’s emotions and choices, ultimately causing harm to the child’s emotional well-being and relationships.

Denying a child a healthy and affectionate relationship with a non-abusive and caring parent is neither protective nor loving, and it certainly doesn’t serve the child’s best interests. This denial robs the child of the opportunity to experience love, support, and guidance from an emotionally available and nurturing parent. This abusive behaviour intentionally obstructs and robs the child of the love and support of an extended family network that genuinely cares for them. This includes grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, step-parents, and step or half-siblings. These family members often contribute to a child’s emotional growth, sense of belonging, and overall well-being.

Alienating parents often elude detection even by mental health experts and family courts due to the complexity of their manipulation tactics, their ability to present a convincing facade of concern, and the child’s genuine emotional distress, which can be misattributed to the targeted parent. They create a narrative that aligns with the child’s distress, leading professionals to overlook the underlying coercive control and psychological abuse. Family courts may struggle to discern the dynamic due to a limited understanding of parental alienation, inadvertently perpetuating the child’s isolation from a loving parent.

Parental alienation needs urgent address so that no children are harmfully absented from a loved, loving parent and all their family. Please reach out you’d like to know more about the coaching I offer.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#childpsychologicalabuse

Reconnection Trauma & Trust /Charlie McCarthy

The short answer is: Yes, relationships can be restored.

The longer answer is that, speaking from personal and professional experience, rebuilding trust (the love is there, just dormant/suppressed/disallowed) after experiencing parental alienation and the subsequent trauma can be a challenging journey for both the parent and the child. Many of us are so thrilled when we have communication and contact again, that we get our hopes up, giddily high. It’s obviously amazing to get to that point, having suffered the loss of our children from our lives, and so unjustly, but the road ahead can still (not always) be a winding one with some twists, turns and speedbumps along the way.

Here is some guidance that I hope will help:

Remember that healing is a unique and individual process for each family. Acknowledge and celebrate small milestones in the healing/reconciliation process. Recognise and appreciate the positive moments that signify progress.

Recognise and validate the emotional pain caused by parental alienation. It’s crucial to acknowledge the trauma both you and your child have endured.

Gain a deeper understanding of parental alienation, its effects, and strategies for overcoming it. Educate friends, family, and professionals involved in the child’s life to create a supportive network.

Where it might help things along, engage with mental health professionals who specialise in trauma, family dynamics and have a firm understanding of ‘parental alienation’ (though they might not want to mention those words out loud as they’re loaded and potentially insulting/upsetting to the child.

Consistency in your actions and words is crucial. Demonstrate reliability and a commitment to rebuilding the relationship by being present and involved in your child’s life. Understand that rebuilding trust is a gradual process. Be patient and set realistic expectations for yourself and your child. Avoid rushing the reconciliation process.

Create an environment where open and honest communication is encouraged. Both parties need to express their feelings, fears, and hopes without judgment. However, I would suggest that the child speaks more fully. It can even be that, years down the line, the child is unable to accept that anyone but them was the victim. They have endured a hell of a lot of ‘programming’ in that alienation period. It’s heavy with guilt, shame, anger, grief … let them unload (this isn’t easy) in a ‘safe space’ with you, one where your child feels emotionally secure. It might have to be neutral ground at first. And let them not fear retribution and anger. Do all you can to give them a sounding board, empathy, patience and love.

I hope you enjoy our daily posts, offering guidance. Reach out if I can help you with the coaching I offer.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#narcissisticabuseawareness