Tag: child Psychological abuse

Prescriber-Patient Power Imbalances Prevent Honest Discussions About Antidepressant Withdrawal

I did not have professional help to end my prescriptions, so I did it on my own.

I have many other Drs suggest I go back to medications as I discussed things , discounting my trauma . Places that did this for a business charged 50 k per month .

A justified release from these , too often toxic meds , within the system that exist is just not going to happen..

I am thrilled that I got it done , realize the damage done , sadly in not having had support .

Daniel J. Dunleavy probes into the power imbalances and social control issues prevalent in managing antidepressant withdrawal.
— Read on www.madinamerica.com/2023/08/prescriber-patient-power-imbalances-prevent-honest-discussions-of-antidepressant-withdrawal/

Cognitive Dissonance & the Alienated Child- Charlie Mc Cready

A child not going through alienation doesn’t have the cognitive maturity to make informed decisions, so imagine how impossible it is for the traumatised, angered, frightened alienated child to decide whether to reject a parent. Impossible. Cruel, and they should never be put in that position. They have no idea of the far-reaching ramifications. They have no idea what is being asked and inflicted on them is emotionally and psychologically abusive. The last thing a child who loves their parent (both parents) wants to do is upset them. Or cut them out of their life. But the alienating parent makes them choose. It’s them or me! And they are coerced into making the ‘right’ decision according to the alienating parent’s wishes. Children don’t even reject an abusive parent. The alienated child has been coached to cut a non-abusive, loving parent out of their life. Their level of perception doesn’t allow them to know how they’re being indoctrinated/alienated. Cognitive dissonance happens because the child cannot hold two different beliefs in mind. Having been told one side of the story by the alienating parent, they simply cannot cope with hearing what the ‘target’ parent has to say. It is horrendous for them to be told the ‘target’ parent doesn’t love them, they’re unsafe, they’ve started a new family, and they’ve been abandoned … if a ‘target’ parent tells them otherwise, they’ll think they’re being manipulated. In their mind, they have created goodies and baddies, right and wrong. Cognitive dissonance is a way that they cope with a traumatic experience. The child/ren might sense something doesn’t add up, but their alignment and unwillingness to challenge the ‘reality’ is a survival tactic. They’ll deny, reject, and come up with all sorts of excuses as to why our conflicting, mentally disturbing message is wrong. Cognitive dissonance is such that while they sense something isn’t true (whatever the alienating parent has said), they still can’t believe it’s not true.

Guilt in the alienated child can block relationship with targeted parent

An alienated child’s guilt can be buried pretty deep. It’s in a dark place, so deep, you feel it doesn’t even exist. They love you (deep down), and although it doesn’t show, and it hurt them too to bury those feelings, this was a survival tactic. They feared total abandonment, and lack of love, they were confused and angered. It all got hidden away. If and when they see you and feel the grief you also suffer, that’s painful for them. Not only this, but all that ‘programming’, all the negative narrative (lies, unproven allegations, false memories) from their ‘aligned’ and apparently loving/protective parent needs a lot of unpacking too. Why would a loving/protective parent do that? Why did they insist on their child rejecting someone (and all the family on that side) they love so very much? It’s a lot for the alienated child to deal with. Deep down, they know the parent they’ve turned against/rejected loves them, and in many instances, I hear often, this is what keeps them going. It’s a huge risk to take, and they rely on that (rejected) parent’s love and resilience. But after so many years of alienation, it is a difficult journey back. They need to feel safe, not judged, loved, and not hated. Guilt and shame are heavy emotions. Those feelings can be unearthed. Guilt says, ‘I did something wrong,’ They might feel sorry and try to repair the damage. Shame says, ‘I’m a bad person’, and they can get stuck in anger, low self-esteem and self-destructive behaviour. It’s a handle-with-care situation. Whenever they come back, we need to understand what they’ve been through and listen with patience, compassion and love. In their own time, they need to unearth those bad feelings and let them go.

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When to let go of fake relationships with children?

I left my ex a few years ago. We have 4 kids ages 23,21 and 17 year old twins. I was a stay at home mom for 21 years. My ex throughly alienated my kids, my family and my friends. It was brutal. The worst time of my life. I was alone with everyone I loved on my exes side.

Fast forward a year later and my kids and my family came back to me. They started sharing stories and what my ex was saying didn’t add up. I was beyond thrilled to have my kids and my family back.

It feels fake. We have some great times and have taken weekends away that were so much fun. But it feels fake sometimes. I always feel like I’m walking a fine line, and I am. It’s an ebb and flow sometimes the contact goes for months at a time. Sometimes they pull away. My oldest daughter seems to be the ring leader of when they talk to me and when they don’t. They all come to me when shit hits the fan with their dad and that happens often. Usually involving money.
I’ve set no boundaries because I’m terrified of them leaving again. And they did leave.

A couple of weeks ago my oldest daughter called me in a panic. Her dad bought a dog for her after our divorce and I have never seen the dog before. My ex apparently gave the dog something to eat that it shouldn’t have eaten and the dog began throwing up and wouldn’t stop. She asked her dad yo go to an emergency vet with her and he of course said no, the dog would be fine. She called me and I said I would go with her. The emergency vet bill was over $500 and she made no move to pay for it so I did. I became frustrated and told her that it’s her dad who should pay the bill since he’s the one that made her dog sick. Probably shouldn’t have said that but I did. I am the go to person and provide them with all their clothes, medical appts, school stuff and they don’t live with me. I’m am asked often to buy food for them because there isn’t food in the house they like. I ask myself often why am I buying food for them for their dads house???

Anyway I set some boundaries and tried to explain in a loving way without ever bad mouthing their dad that since they live with him maybe they should ask him to buy food they like and I wasn’t really in a financial position to pay $500 vet bills. (I’m a teacher and my ex makes a ridiculous amount of money) that didn’t go over well and they all stopped talking to me.

My twins birthday was in July and I didn’t get to see them. My mom sent money and gifts and my son who is 17 returned the money and gifts to my mom. My mom didn’t deserve this!

I know for a lot of you, you would love to have any contact and I get that. For me this is almost worse than not having contact. I never know when they will pull away again. It’s a constant roller coaster and every time they leave again it ruins me a little bit more. I’m tired of being the one texting them and telling them I’m sorry and basically begging for them to
come back. This time I haven’t done any of that. I set boundaries that my oldest daughter didn’t like and she (they) walked away.

When does it get better? Should I continue to be a door mat and let them treat me badly so they will be in my life? My therapist said boundaries are great but it sure didn’t work for me. I’m angry. I walked away from their narcissistic dad, I didn’t walk away from them.

The Abolition of the Parent – Open Source Truth

The Abolition of the Parent – Open

Source Truth
— Read on www.opensourcetruth.com/the-abolition-of-the-parent/

Parenting the Child whose been psychologically abused – Giving up ?

One Mom / Step Mom shares the family situation

Everyone says not to give up on the alienated child. They say the child will come back to the alienated parent one day. We all of course know that this doesn’t always happen, and actually rarely happens at all. They say to continue the messages of love. They say to be understanding and give grace despite what the child says and does. But at what point do you say enough is enough? I understand continuing the messages if your child has just simply gone quiet, but what do you do when the child has seriously set out to hurt your family in any way possible, including hurting your other children?

We did the love bombing for years, it got us nowhere. Our child has been so ugly to us and our children over the last few years since she fell victim to parental alienation. We understand that this is not her fault, but her mother’s, but at the same time, she is almost 18 years old and simply knows better then to treat people, especially those who love her, the way she has. We know that we taught her better then this! It is all so exhausting, as I know you guys all know.

I personally do not feel like I can just look past everything our daughter and her mother have done to hurt our family, the threats that have been made, etc.. As much as I love our child, and understand that this isn’t her as much as it is her mother who has alienated her from us, I feel the blame can not only be placed on the mother. Our daughter has still chosen to do the things she has done, including refusing to even see her siblings that she was once so close to, in over 3 years now. She manipulates any and every situation to get what she wants. The same thing her mother has done her entire life, that she used to absolutely despise about her mother. We just can’t continue on like this. It’s not healthy to us or our other children. So at what point do you say, NO MORE, and just focus on the children you have in the home who need you even more now because of everything their sister and her mother have done?

*the alienated child I speak about is my almost 18 year old step daughter who I’ve been step mom to since she was a year and a half old. We for years were very very close as her mother was physically and mentally abusive. It wasn’t until she became mad at her dad and I for grounding her from her phone for repeatedly lying to us, that her mother stopped physically abusing her and started letting her do what she wanted. We were made into these horrible people because we grounded her. It was that simple of a situation that has led to us now having absolutely no relationship with our daughter for more then 3 years now. All because her dad was being a dad, and neither she nor the mother liked it. We have tried and tried to talk things out, work through issues, but have been refused. My husband has attended therapy with his daughter where he was told that if she didn’t like what he had to say, then she would stop sessions, which she did after 3, 30 minute sessions. She refuses to speak face to face (and her mother refuses to allow it) because through text, my step daughter can be a keyboard warrior and be as mean as she wants, something she wouldn’t do in person. For years and years my step daughter had a horrible relationship with her mother because of the abuse she endured. When they would get into arguments while my step daughter was with us, the mother would refuse to speak about it over the phone or through text. She would always state that they would speak face to face when she got home. But then when the tables turned, we were refused that same courtesy. My husband was told he didn’t need to have his daughter face to face to work through things. Before, when our daughter didn’t want to go for her mom’s parenting time and would be hyperventilating crying, the mother would threaten to call the police and have her committed if she didn’t go. But then again, when the tables were turned and she was refusing to come for our parenting time, it was now, “her choice” and the mother wouldn’t make her “go somewhere she didn’t want to be”. Like what?!? So because SD was now mad at us, pulling away from us, everything changed, so that the mother could again, keep all control.

In court, back in December, the mother blatantly lied over and over to get what she wanted. Stating that my husband had refused all parenting time, that he didn’t care about his daughter’s health and well-being, despite him being the one who had handled all medical appointments. She said he refused to show up for special events for his child, when in reality he was not even told she had said events, like a school pageant she was in where the only way he would have known about said event is if he had been told by his daughter or her mother. The mother had her boyfriend of the week there, but couldn’t be bothered to tell her child’s father. Lie after lie was told. She claimed all this time that she wasn’t breaking the court order because it was the daughter’s decisions, but then why lie about everything to a judge? Why can’t you tell the truth if you’ve done no wrong?

Sorry for the vent, we are just so over all of this. We miss the daughter she used to be. The honest, caring, and sweet daughter she was. Who she is now is not even someone we recognize besides it being identical to her mother. It’s exhausting, and we can’t go on like this. It’s not fair to ourselves or our other children.