Tag: child Psychological abuse

Family Court-Daniela Cueva Perez

I always assumed that victims of injustice had avenues for complaint or appeal, and ultimately could overcome systematic abuses through collective activism… but the reality is much sadder and more complicated.

The abuse and corruption in family courts is real—by judges, GALs, reunification therapists, parenting coordinators, supervisors, and even attorneys. The experiences of family court victims often sound so outrageous and egregious; it’s hard to believe they are commonplace or that NOTHING is being done by legislators, judicial departments or the media to protect victims of abuse. But the reality is: family courts deal such a destructive blow of psychological and financial abuse, most victims are too traumatized to file appeals or complaints.

Here’s why, backed by what the research shows:

• Over 70% of family court litigants represent themselves, often because they’ve run out of money. Family court disputes can cost between $50,000 and $500,000 or more. Appeals can cost $15,000–$50,000+ and require legal precision most parents can’t manage alone.

• Family court decisions are rarely overturned. In many states, fewer than 10% of family law appeals succeed unless there’s clear legal error or misconduct—something hard to prove without transcripts, which cost thousands. Family court judges have such wide discretion, their decisions are nearly impossible to appeal even if one side has a mountain of compelling evidence. Family court judges have that much power and discretion— not to mention ”weighing factors” for decisions in family court  are often vague and contradicting. 

• Judicial oversight is minimal. In 2022, only 1.5% of formal complaints against state judges nationwide resulted in any public discipline. Most are dismissed or resolved in secrecy. Judicial fitness committees are made up of fellow judges, and colleagues, which creates an obvious conflict of interest. 

• Complaints often go back to the same system that caused the harm— meaning that appeals go back to the same biased judges. Parenting coordinators, GALs, supervisors and reunification therapists are rarely held accountable because they are protected by court appointment and private contracts that require immunity from suit—and there’s no centralized oversight. In Oregon, for example, the AFCC (Association of Family and Conciliation Courts) maintains close professional ties between corrupt attorneys, evaluators, supervisors and therapists in order to protect and perpetuate this lucrative industry. 

• Parents are told not to complain, and to pay the exorbitant bills of all of the court appointed affiliates who have insinuated themselves into a family court case, out of fear of retaliation. Attorneys often advise clients to “stay compliant” or “don’t stir things up,” warning that even valid complaints could be used as proof of “parental alienation” or non-cooperation. 

• The victims of the system are ultimately too traumatized to go back and fight it.  The mental and physical trauma creates a lifetime of collateral damage that leaves victims crawling away or running for their lives. 

The result is system where harm happens behind closed doors, and the people most affected feel powerless to speak out. Children are pawns whose voices are silenced systematically by the very people who are supposed to protect them. 

#onemomsbattle #familycourtcorruption #oregonfamilycourt #stopcourtabuse #custodypeace

The Blessings of Being Rejected by your child

Watching your child(ren) go through so much of life enmeshed with a parent who abuses them , to savage you … is the Hell on Earth no one wants or deserves .

That said , I have been on my own since 1993 . As the toxic RX increased the unpleasant side effects of being the target physically, I had no one who cared .

Realizing the blatant abuse and X’s desire to recreate as much of my trauma of childhood , I could more easily distance myself

youtube.com/watch

Conditioning – Charlie McCready

Children are like sponges, absorbing not only information but also behaviours exhibited by the adults around them. The way parents interact with each other significantly influences how children perceive relationships and interpersonal dynamics. This subtle process, known as “Modelling Behaviour,” lays the groundwork for how children may later respond to challenges like parental alienation.⁠

Children are incredibly perceptive observers of their parents’ actions and interactions. As they witness how adults communicate, resolve conflicts, and treat one another, they internalise these behaviours as normal or acceptable. Parents are role models, demonstrating how their children should engage in relationships, express emotions, and handle disagreements. When one parent engages in negative behaviours like badmouthing, denigrating, or criticising the other, children unconsciously learn that these behaviours are acceptable and permissible, and in the case of alienating behaviours, the child may be encouraged and rewarded for emulating them. ⁠

When parents consciously exhibit kindness, respect, and empathy toward each other, they create a foundation for their children to build upon. Children growing up in an environment where healthy communication and conflict resolution are the norm are more likely to carry these positive traits into their own relationships as they mature. But as an alienated parent, remember that your disposition and actions, even from afar (children are sponges; they watch and pick up on things), can guide your child’s emotional growth and cultivate positive relationships throughout their life.⁠

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#childrensrights

#fathersrights

#mothersrights

Controlling the Child to harm the other parent./Charlie McCready

An alienating parent is not providing unconditional love. They are controlling and behaving selfishly. A loving parent does not work towards eliminating the other parent, a loving, available, good parent (and often their extended family, too), from the child’s life because that is definitely not in the child’s best interests. In contrast, a ‘target’ (alienated/rejected) parent often ‘lets go’ because they love SO MUCH. This act of ‘letting go’ (or necessary detachment) is a powerful demonstration of genuine love because this parent refuses to play the alienating parent’s tug of war game if it creates further trauma and harm to their child. This is LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Fear and control and anger, coercive control, indoctrination, lies and ‘brainwashing’ are not loving behaviours. The child is confused and enmeshed by the twisted narratives and lies they hear, and cognitive dissonance and splitting are coping mechanisms, as is their anger. The (alienated) children would like nothing more than for their parents to coexist and co-parent amicably, fostering a healthy environment for everyone’s mental and emotional well-being so they can get on with their lives. Even if parental harmony remains elusive, the toll of ongoing conflict on a child’s mental health is undeniable. Unfortunately, the alienating parent often remains indifferent to this toll. Unfortunately, they literally don’t care. However, as the child matures, they may come to realise the destructive nature of these actions, prompting a journey toward understanding, forgiveness, and healing. It’s of paramount importance to be strong, stay loving, and not succumb to angry, provoked reactions. Near or far, be the healthy-minded parent in the child’s life. Even if there’s no contact at the moment, focus on being happy, on being there whenever the child/adult knocks on your door again.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#alienatedparent

#narcissisticparent

#gaslighting

#emotionalabuse

Parental Alienation & Personality Disorders -Charlie McCready

The link between personality disorders, codependency, and parental alienation reveals a complicated web of psychological interactions. Parents with personality disorders, particularly Cluster B personality disorders like narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, and antisocial personalities, often exhibit extreme and erratic behaviours that can significantly impact their children. These disorders are characterised by difficulties controlling anger, vindictiveness, impulsive outbursts, rage when criticised, lack of empathy, and aggressive behaviour. Parents who emphasise the faults and flaws of the other parent, create an environment where children feel compelled to align with them (the emotionally unstable parent) in an attempt to placate them. This behaviour contributes to alienating children against the other parent over time. Parents with personality disorders tend to overlook their own problematic behaviour, making it challenging to acknowledge their contribution to any problems.

Co-dependency, which often results from insecure attachment patterns, can further intensify the negative impact of parental personality disorders. Co-dependent people (parents) tend to derive their sense of self-worth from others (their children), making them susceptible to enabling or engaging in alienating behaviours. This perpetuates a cycle of emotional turmoil for children caught in the crossfire.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#codependency

#attachmentdisorder

Craig Childress PsyD – Forensic Psychologist

Forensic psychologists are in violation of four – 4 – ethical Standards of the American Psychological Association.

They don’t know the necessary knowledge – that’s a violation of Standard 2.01 Boundaries of Competence.

Because they don’t know the necessary knowledge, they don’t apply the established knowledge of the discipline as the bases for their professional judgments – that’s a violation of Standard 2.04 Bases for Scientific & Professional Judgments.

Because they don’t know or apply the necessary knowledge as the bases for their professional judgments (violations to Standards 2.01 & 2.04), their opinions contained in their reports and recommendations are NOT based on information sufficient to substantiate their findings – a violation of Standard 9.01 Bases for Assessment.

Applying the DSM-5 as the bases for professional judgments is a reasonable step for a doctor to take to avoid the foreseeable harm that could result from misdiagnosis if no professional level diagnosis is made – in violation of Standard 3.04 Avoiding Harm.

That is four – 4 – ethical violations where there should be zero.

In addition, the forensic psychologists are routinely failing in their duty to protect on two grounds:

1) failure to protect the child from psychological child abuse (DSM-5 V995.51) by the allied parent,

2) failure to protect the targeted parent from spousal psychological abuse of the allied parent using the child (and the child’s induced pathology) as the spousal abuse weapon.

From Cornell Law School: “Negligence is the failure to behave with the level of care that a reasonable person would have exercised under the same circumstances. Either a person’s actions or omissions of actions can be found negligent. The omission of actions is considered negligent only when the person had a duty to act.”

Forensic psychologists are ignorant. Google ignorance: “lack of knowledge or information.”

Patients are educating the forensic psychologists regarding what the pathology is because the forensic psychologists lack knowledge and information – they are ignorant by definition of the English language.

Forensic psychologists are ignorant, incompetent, and unethical… and they don’t care. Where are the licensing boards enforcing ethical standards? Nowhere to be seen.

Why is that?

If they change, they admit their prior ignorance, incompetence, unethical practice, and negligent failure in their duty to protect obligations.

If they don’t change, then they CONTINUE their ignorant, incompetent, and unethical malpractice, and they continue their negligent failure to protect children from child abuse and their parents from spousal abuse.

Forensic custody evaluations are “dangerous” and “harmful to children”, they “lack scientific or legal value” and their “defective reports” result in “potentially disastrous consequences for parents and children” (NY Blue-Ribbon Commission on Forensic Custody Evaluations, 2021).

Forensic custody evaluations need to be entirely eliminated from the family courts (NY Blue-Ribbon Commission on Forensic Custody Evaluations, 2021) and clinical diagnostic assessments of the child and family pathology need to be routinely conducted to the appropriate differential diagnoses for each parent.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.

Clinical Psychologist

WA 61538481 – CA 18857

Alienating Parents often cluster B type personality/Charlie McCarthy

I completely understand how exasperating it is to deal with a narcissistic, alienating ex who’s manipulating everyone around them. It’s not just the grief of being separated from your child—it’s the sheer injustice of watching people fall for the charade while you’re left struggling to get anyone to see the truth. Narcissistic abuse is extremely difficult to cope with because these people are highly manipulative and incredibly skilled at twisting the narrative to make themselves look like the victim (when they’re not playing the hero). ⁠

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Even when they’re not actively abusing you or undermining your role, they’re out there putting on a performance—telling everyone how selfless and devoted they are, how they would never do anything to harm the children. They know exactly how to play the part of the good parent, saying all the right things while you’re painted as the unreasonable, difficult one. It’s maddening because, deep down, you know what they’re really like, but every time you try to show it, they seem to be one step ahead, even making you look like you’re overreacting or being irrational.⁠

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I also know how hard/impossible it has been made to put the children first when you’re pushed to the sidelines and/or shut out of their lives. It’s not that you don’t want to be there or aren’t trying—sometimes, they’ve built up so many barriers that it feels impossible to stay connected or even be involved. And meanwhile, the alienator is the one controlling the narrative, telling everyone that you’re the problem, that you’re the one who doesn’t care. It’s hell, I truly understand. I’ve been there too. ⁠

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The truth is, these alienating parents are always thinking about themselves—whether they’re badmouthing you to your child, tearing down your reputation, or just telling anyone who’ll listen what a wonderful parent they are, despite you – what martyrs! They never really stop being abusive; they just switch gears. When they’re not actively being selfish or controlling, they’re busy making sure everyone sees them as the opposite—calm, reasonable, and, of course, completely selfless. Enough to drive us mad! And they don’t mind that, at all.

I see you. I understand the pain and the frustration of watching someone who’s caused so much damage keep getting away with it. It’s not your fault. You’ve been fighting a battle where the rules keep changing, and the truth is constantly distorted to suit them. But the fact that you’re here, still holding on, reading these posts … says so much about your strength and love. Don’t ever doubt that.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#coercivecontrol

#narcissisticparent

#emotionalabuse

#traumabonding

#parentalalienation

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatterToo

#FathersMatter

Attachment Disorder in Parental Alienation

Children with Secure Attachments feel supported and protected, possessing self-respect and trust in their close relationships, fostering positive interactions with others and academic success. However, when subjected to parental alienation by a narcissistic/borderline parent with disorganised attachment tendencies, the child experiences emotional manipulation and psychological abuse. This engenders anxiety-driven attachment behaviour triggered by the “target” parent’s presence or mention, leading the child to respond in ways pleasing to the alienating parent and resulting in the absence of secure attachments.⁠

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Parental alienation disrupts the attachment cycle, eroding the child’s trust in themselves, the world, and others, ultimately fostering an insecure or disorganised attachment style. Insecure, anxious children become hypervigilant around parents, hoping for loving moments while guarding against potential hurt.⁠ Lacking empathy, alienating parents may not recognise their child’s anxiety unless mirroring their own. The perceived threat lies in the child’s relationship with the ex-spouse and their proximity. The alienating parent conditions the child to soothe their anxiety, inducing symptoms when mentioning the targeted parent, reinforcing that their attention comes when rejecting the other parent, detrimentally affecting the attachment relationship.⁠

Alienating parents amplify the child’s stress, grief, and confusion while projecting blame on the targeted parent, damaging attachment bonds and leading to detachment. However, this adaptive behaviour can turn maladaptive if habitual or extreme.⁠

Insecure, avoidant children may learn that emotional closeness is unsafe, fostering extreme independence. Children manipulated into denigrating a parent often experience guilt, internalising blame. Alienating parents suppress the child’s grief by attributing negative emotions to the targeted parent, inducing blame and distancing for self-preservation. Many children conditioned to believe the alienating parent due to survival instincts, are unsure who to trust – themselves or their parent.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#attachmentdisorder

#mothersrights

#fathersrights

Trauma Bonds

While a trauma bond can be strong and challenging to break, it is not necessarily unbreakable. With time, understanding, and support, alienated children can break free from the coercive control and psychological abuse of parental alienation.⁠

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Trauma bonds form due to the conditioned response to an abusive and controlling parent creating a sense of dependency, attachment, and even loyalty. The alienating parent’s manipulation and exploitation of the child’s emotions may strengthen the bond.⁠

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The first step is for the alienated child to recognise and understand the dynamics of the trauma bond. This involves gaining insight into the tactics used by the alienating parent, the impact on their well-being, and the unjust nature of the enforced separation. Trauma bonds often involve a sense of diminished self-worth and distorted identity, but an alienated child can rebuild their self-esteem, establish a solid sense of self, and reclaim their autonomy and agency.⁠

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Healing from the trauma associated with parental alienation involves processing and addressing the emotional wounds inflicted by the alienating parent. Trauma-focused or cognitive-behavioural therapy can help a great deal. ⁠

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Establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries is essential for breaking free from the cycle of coercion and control. The child needs to develop a sense of self-protection and learn to set limits on manipulative behaviours or interactions.⁠

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Lastly, but most importantly, establishing or re-establishing a healthy and supportive relationship with the targeted parent is crucial in breaking the trauma bond. The child needs validation, understanding, and unconditional love from the parent they were alienated from, which can aid in healing.⁠

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Each individual’s healing journey is unique, and the outcome may vary but with the right resources and a commitment to healing, alienated children can break free from the trauma bond and rebuild their lives with healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self.⁠

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#traumabonding

#traumabond

#coercivecontrol

Powerless Triggers – Charlie McCready

I’ve come to understand that this isn’t about me personally; it’s a deeply rooted attachment pathology, and complex family dynamic involving disordered parenting. It’s spiralled into a situation where my child’s thoughts, beliefs and behaviours have been significantly influenced – trauma-bonded, coercively controlled, emotionally manipulated. Learning about this has helped me see the bigger picture, though I am working on my sense of isolation, frustration, injustice, and of course the grief. There’s nothing like it. People say it’s like a ‘living bereavement’ and that’s so true. It seems people don’t truly understand this unless they’ve been through it, and alienated parents are united in feeling let down by the mental health and family court system.

Still, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned not to react to the hurtful behaviour anymore. Sometimes, I catch myself just shaking my head, thinking, ‘Oh, this again.’ It’s like recognising a pattern. I remind myself that ‘this too will pass.’ My focus now is on maintaining my love for my child, even if they can’t see it right now. Detaching with love has become my way of preserving our bond through this difficult time. Nobody can take the love I have for my child away from me. Nothing and no one.

Conscious parenting plays a significant role here. It’s about recognising the importance of my child’s emotional well-being even when they may not fully comprehend it themselves. So, I make an effort to create a safe and loving space for them whenever/should they ever walk through my door. My door, and my heart, are open. I don’t let their negative behaviour dictate my response. Instead, I model the behaviour I want them to see—unconditional love, patience, and understanding. It’s challenging, but it’s also empowering because I believe this will help me and it will help my child heal and come back into my life when they’re ready.

Meanwhile I’m getting on with my life and not feeling sad or guilty about it. I have my moments, but I’m focussing on the present not the past, the love not the loss. If I can do it, and I’ve been in the pits of despair believe me, I know you can too.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach