‘What people don’t realize is that some people are single in this generation because they are healed, which makes them incompatible with trauma bonds.
Unfortunately, trauma bonds are the template of our culture at this time.
Those who choose peace over trauma will have difficulty in relationships because most people that we meet are emotionally damaged in some way.
Healed people seek healthy bonds. These bonds hold space for authenticity and correction. It’s kind of like an oxymoron.
About 90% of the relationships/marriages that we see are actually trauma bonds. Those involved “need” the other person to make them feel whole because they’re both broken mentally, emotionally and/or spiritually.
One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice — though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. “Mend my life!” each voice cried. But you didn’t stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voice behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do — determined to save the only life that you could save. ~Mary Oliver
I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night. He said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he was sorry and didn’t mean the things he said. Because I got flowers today.
I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. It wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. And it was much worse than all other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I’ m afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me. He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.
This poem is dedicated to all the victims and survivors of Domestic Violence.
When the fog starts to lift for an alienated child, a whole new level of hell emerges.
The alienating parent who has put so much time and effort into brainwashing, bullying, guilting and coercing their child to their side will hyper focus their wrath on the very child they claim to covet.
Like someone flipped a switch, they will withdraw their conditional love for good.
Equivalent to their ex partner, once they lose the control they so desperately desire, they will cast their child aside.
The perceived betrayal of their child seeing through the vail of delusion will draw out their real face, fangs and all.
The utter disbelief that “their” child would actually question their motives and methods is too much to take. After all, nobody can call out a narcissist. Nobody.
The flood of emotions for this child is immense. The grief and anger for all of the time lost with a parent they were convinced didn’t love them.
The disbelief that someone they love and trusted with their whole heart would take so much advantage of their naïve nature and blind loyalty to punish their other parent and use them as a vessel of vengeance.
Crushed by all the instances they were callously told their other parent “doesn’t love you”, or that their other parent “abandoned” them.
All of the efforts put into convincing them their other parent was dangerous.
All of the silent treatment when they didn’t comply and withdrawn “love” that washed them with severe anxiety when they thought they might lose the love of “the only parent who TRULY loves them”.
So begins phase two- when they nervously seek out their alienated parent they do so knowing they’ll lose the alienator.
After all, they’ve spent their childhood thinking one parent didn’t love them, and didn’t want them based solely on the word and actions of their alienating parent.
They were encouraged to reject that parent with impunity and they participated wholeheartedly all based on falsehoods.
In accepting their lost parent they will potentially spend the remainder of their life, again, without a parent.
It’s literally heartbreaking. I will never be able to wrap my head around being so cruel to your very heart and soul.
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 