Emotional cut-off is a way of coping with unresolved issues whether it’s with parents, siblings, spouses, or anyone else. It can involve moving away or out of the home, or staying in touch but avoiding emotional issues. The trouble with emotional cut-off, such as with an alienated child, is that the problem stays dormant without being resolved. And it can go on for years. Substitutes might be found – new spouse, new friends, new job – but the same pattern/tensions might reappear. Cut-offs are effective in the short term. It’s ignoring the problem. But an unresolved attachment (to our issues) can manifest in fresh conflict, even within minutes, upon spending time together, because the old interactions and feelings remain. It can be exhausting, disappointing and upsetting. Maintaining the emotional cut-off and physical distance might feel like the easier option, but the wound just festers. And cut-offs can become habitual as a means to cope with conflict and potential harm. It makes it hard to repair the relationship between two parties. It can become like a face-saving standoff. Without communication, there’s only the victim narrative. Emotional cut-off should be quite easy to detect. The person will be indifferent, numb, and sometimes have very strong emotions if triggered.
Children should be supported and encouraged to have a relationship with both parents where this is in their best interests and safety. Where there is a parent who shows no wish to collaborate or co-parent, or who ignores custody orders, this should be flagged as a problem and as unhealthy parenting. Children flourish when they have safe, meaningful relationships with both parents and all the family who love and care for them.
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