GreatCosmicMothersUnite

The non contact of over 15 years , has included 5 years

of an added leverage to be advanced in a girl child , then

her brother.

There has not been any truth on a heart level , having

been befriended , then full of needed information , gaining

favors and power and influence , I crossed that line

in triggers I was aware of not not in terms of C-PTSD.

Threats come easily , boasting of ” I made him do xyz ” ,

of having made him the man he is, of making it her,

Kids, or me..promises of emails with gd, asking to come

visit suddenly , Bd dinner , late to create an atmosphere

of acceptance . A book called “too many cooks” . Threats

to have psychiatric evaluators to my home , have me

“Put away ” , blame for not having baptized my child.

Stating , ” you may not have been emotionally supported

but you were financially ” . Umm

Taking the spot of the matriarch , voicing repeatedly that

my children would never be interested in reconnecting

and years of this have convinced me that , I can no

longer participate .

As I grew reacquainted with gd , she was a bit skittish

and I respected her boundaries , having lovely visits

bring food that rarely pleased …I don’t cook or bake

for this is a challenge , critiqued so badly I dare not.

Child says , I smell , denying his “trigger” it’s always

Me.

His allegiance does not waver , despite being utilized

In gathering info from me , negotiating for ex , a

near miss in business that was so corrupt , it was

” I’ll leave you crisis”. So fractured , no contact

was a must.. Nothing more was said , when it came

up again , it was healed and I was negative .

Unworthy of so many things , allowed to create an

appearance , tossing out that most of son’s friends

think Mom is dead.

It seems enjoyable , competitive, and overpowerment

and an open continuation of abusive discrimination I

ignored , until I could not since 77.

Lacking consciousness , benevolence , I do not sense

any positive , progressive movement .

After a visit that included riding with gd and her male

friend , who took a precious item from her , teasing

her, she became upset and cried. It was just the 3 of us

in the vehicle . As she cried she told him how special

this item was because her ” other grandmother” gave

it to her.

She is very aware of who I am.

Progress was so good , that one of the last times I saw

her , urged to hug me, she kissed my lips. 😘

Neither parent sees a problem in cutting me off

and when ” family ” celebrations or the seasons

special events near , I am in error of something or

other and banished .

I made a promise to gd , and I have every intention to

honor her , and all children caught up in the nightmare

that is PAS/ChildAbuse. I realize many complexities

within this situation , each one involved . I was over

powered , and not abled to protect each of my sons.

After 42 years of being treated as if my pedigree were

insufficient , I consider I wed out of my species

or at least married into a society so secret and exclusive

and so vain, separated from spirit and soul, but a veneer .

I cannot allow myself to continue to have illusions

but prepare for an inventible disclosure of financial

errors , in addition to Domestic Abuse , allowing

psychiatry to chemically straightjacketed me , for

sons to witness 5 years of intensely and doing nothing.

Experiencing his discomfort that I wasn’t doing me job

pounding children ” She’s Fat, She’s Lazy, She’s

Crazy And She’s medicating as Bipolar to get out

of mothering you, of doing her job “. She doesn’t

love you..she abandoned you.,

So no family support , much blame , the ownership

with ex , referred to as “inheritance ” , strongly

suggesting I get a job .

My welfare has not mattered for 15 years intensely ,

for through the shadow of addiction , induced bipolar

I failed to realize the reality of my surrogacy , of

having filled a space , that was socially beneficial and

openly exhibited ” a man needs a maid” . I lived

with that surface only , lost soul as he shit at his own

doghouse proudly for all to see, which was accepted

because he’s “somebody” And I am not.

So , I am stepping out of Abuse that has no end , a

world of secrets , lies , blame, lacking response of

any humane benevolence have corrupted our sons

his sons as he gifted them $1000 each per testimony

for Christmas , and I as usual did not receive a card

nor a call.

An end of this hell on earth 20 plus cycle, offered

promise , hope, truth, clearings, healings , and

was yet again rejected in honor of continuation of

abuse , that cannot be justified .

And so I weep, determined even more to bear witness

of how one looses their children when all systems fail

and I am erased , as if I am nothing . It’s pure evil .

And it’s time to purge , detox this , and open up the

worm hole that’s deadly epidemic .

https://youtu.be/Oq7bY34kPPA

Sit that Baggage Down