𝙒𝙝𝙮 𝙈𝙚𝙣 𝘿𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙊𝙧 𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙙𝙧𝙖𝙬 (𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙉𝙤, 𝙄𝙩’𝙨 𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙎𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜)
This has happened to almost every woman. You are dating this promising man who ticks all your boxes. You are messaging back and forth, having conversations that make your heart glow, and this healthy dose of physical attraction is going on. You might have already met for a coffee or two, or he wined and dined you in his favorite restaurant. You are over the moon and slowly but surely fall in love.
And then, out of the blue, he disappears off the face of the earth. He doesn’t answer your texts and ignores your phone calls. He ghosts you hook, line, and sinker.
It leaves you wondering, “Did I do something wrong?”
Let me be clear: if you didn’t throw tantrums, mooned him on the first date, or completely spooked him out by smashing all your fears and shadows in front of his feet in the first conversation, the answer is NO.
You did not do anything wrong.
A man’s self-worth comes from his ability to provide happiness for you. When he starts dating you, he wants to feel validated as a good partner, and he does this by trying to please you.
So a man might woo you and take you to the most romantic places in town. He’ll excel and surpass anything to be captivating, intelligent, funny, and seductive – Mr. Perfect himself! Because your happiness justifies his worth as a potential romantic partner.
But….
… men’s brains are not wired like women’s, which are wired to efficiently understand and process deep emotions. As a woman, you can tell super fast how you feel about a relationship. A man’s ability to tune into his feelings is much less adept.
Long story short? It takes a man longer to figure out how he feels about you, exactly because of his brain… but also because of his heart.
Men are very protective, almost guarded, of their hearts. Although men are predominantly depicted as the strong sex, they are incredibly vulnerable and have to be treated gently.
In his world, a guarded heart is a safe heart. It takes care of him, guards him against harm, and always has his best interests in mind.
On the other hand, it can also become a heart that does not feel as much, is controlling, and won’t let go of its reins. It even can become, due to disappointments in the love department, a selfish and egocentric heart eventually… a hard heart.
Not consciously, of course. It’s done out of fear of pain, rejection, and not being validated as a good man.
So what happens next?
They disappear. Or withdraw. Yes, there is a significant difference.
Disappearing is mostly permanent.
Men disappear while pursuing you when they, out of the blue, have the revelation that they do not want to be long-term with you. They might not be into you all that much, after all. Or they believe their freedom will vanish into thin air and simply refuse to commit. They might even get scared of the direction the fresh connection is heading in. And poofffff…. gone they are.
Disappearing is the easy way out. Most men who disappear are avoiders.
Withdrawing is mostly temporary, and men do this for many reasons.
According to a man’s logic, he mostly wants to be in control of the relationship and where it is heading, but he is unwilling to share the control. When he feels forced into making a too swift commitment, he might withdraw to be with his feelings and figure out what he wants.
He is afraid that he is not good enough for you. He only wants to make you the happiest woman on this earth, and when he feels he cannot give you this, even if it’s only a fraction, he might retreat to his cave. It’s better to be ahead of possible rejection, right?
And he gets tangled up in his emotions. Sometimes, an inside-out beautiful woman can release so many contradictory feelings in a man that he might be overwhelmed by all these sensations. Instead of opening up and communicating, he’ll probably withdraw to process everything at his own pace.
Men who withdraw are not always avoiders. They are hurt, insecure about their feelings, in doubt, scared, or guarded.
I’m not saying you must be okay when you feel ignored or ghosted.
I’m not saying you must constantly pretzel yourself around all his emotional quirks.
And I’m definitely not saying you must keep waiting for an unavailable guy.
I simply say that when you feel a mutual, honest connection, giving “your guy” some space to digest, withdraw, and come back stronger and more transparent than before would be constructive.
Remember that this process in men goes in layers, just like yours. So he will be present and withdraw, be present and withdraw.
A fantastic man out there will adore you for holding this space for him. And when you find him (or he finds you), he will gladly do the same for you.
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 