Tag: trauma

Adultification – Charlie McCready

“Identification with the aggressor” (or defensive identification) is an unconscious defence mechanism whereby a victim of aggression and suffering (an alienated child) aligns with and behaves like someone (the alienating parent), who is more powerful, hostile, poses a threat, or cannot be overcome. In this way, an alienated child will learn to lie and manipulate as their ‘winning’ and ‘stronger’ parent does. Alignment and identification with the bully/aggressor also helps to suppress deeper feelings of guilt, vulnerability and shame. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome when a hostage feels powerless and aligns with their captor. They start to feel gratitude towards the aggressor when they are kind and (conditionally) loving. Deep down, the child/hostage will be aware that their alienating parent isn’t particularly healthy-minded or loving. The child knows, from experience, this parent is unpredictable, selfish/narcissistic, volatile, they run hot/cold – their parenting involves reward/punishment.

The children are parentified, their childhood sacrificed to the adult problems of the alienator, and their reaction to narcissistic wounding as a result of what is usually a high conflict separation or divorce. To love a parent like this the child often will ‘split’ in order to cope. To make the alienated parent the villain/baddie is to make their life easier in dealing with the painful experience of alienation, and no longer being allowed to spend time with a loving and loved parent. It’s to switch off, and totally align with the alienating aggressor. The child is actually afraid of the alienator, and they can partially conquer that fear by becoming more like them, and that pleases the alienator too, which means the child may be less abused. Also, when a child witnesses emotional, psychological (or physical) abuse of a parent, it’s intimidating, terrifying, confusing, upsetting, and as a survival tactic, they feel that it’s best for them to be with the terrorising parent, the one it seems unwise to fall out with. There will be consequences. They are afraid and feel they’ve lost one parent and don’t want to lose the other. What they see their alienating parent is capable of could be turned on them. The child ‘trauma bonds’ with the parent who poses the biggest threat. This is why the child feels negatively towards the things the alienator/aggressor is negative towards – it’s safer and easier to do so. They forget that their aggressor is really the origin of their suffering. I hope this goes some way to explain the phenomenon of why an alienated child supports, defends, loves and aligns with an abusive, mentally unstable parent while rejecting their more balanced and loving one.

Charlie is on Facebook

Trauma Bonds and Identification with the Alienation Abuse of parent

This is so very true , in my experience. My being in a ” chemical straight jacket ” did so much harm to already traumatizing family situation.

“Identification with the aggressor” (or defensive identification) is an unconscious defence mechanism whereby a victim of aggression and suffering (an alienated child) aligns with and behaves like someone (the alienating parent), who is more powerful, hostile, poses a threat, or cannot be overcome. In this way, an alienated child will learn to lie and manipulate as their ‘winning’ and ‘stronger’ parent does. Alignment and identification with the bully/aggressor also helps to suppress deeper feelings of guilt, vulnerability and shame. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome when a hostage feels powerless and aligns with their captor. They start to feel gratitude towards the aggressor when they are kind and (conditionally) loving. Deep down, the child/hostage will be aware that their alienating parent isn’t particularly healthy-minded or loving. The child knows, from experience, this parent is unpredictable, selfish/narcissistic, volatile, they run hot/cold – their parenting involves reward/punishment.

The children are parentified, their childhood sacrificed to the adult problems of the alienator, and their reaction to narcissistic wounding as a result of what is usually a high conflict separation or divorce. To love a parent like this the child often will ‘split’ in order to cope. To make the alienated parent the villain/baddie is to make their life easier in dealing with the painful experience of alienation, and no longer being allowed to spend time with a loving and loved parent. It’s to switch off, and totally align with the alienating aggressor. The child is actually afraid of the alienator, and they can partially conquer that fear by becoming more like them, and that pleases the alienator too, which means the child may be less abused. Also, when a child witnesses emotional, psychological (or physical) abuse of a parent, it’s intimidating, terrifying, confusing, upsetting, and as a survival tactic, they feel that it’s best for them to be with the terrorising parent, the one it seems unwise to fall out with. There will be consequences. They are afraid and feel they’ve lost one parent and don’t want to lose the other. What they see their alienating parent is capable of could be turned on them. The child ‘trauma bonds’ with the parent who poses the biggest threat. This is why the child feels negatively towards the things the alienator/aggressor is negative towards – it’s safer and easier to do so. They forget that their aggressor is really the origin of their suffering. I hope this goes some way to explain the phenomenon of why an alienated child supports, defends, loves and aligns with an abusive, mentally unstable parent while rejecting their more balanced and loving one.

Poison that destroys

“I destroy homes, tear families apart – take your children, and that’s just the start.

I’m more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold – the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

And if you need me, remember I’m easily found.

I live all around you, in schools and in town.

I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door.

My power is awesome – try me you’ll see.

But if you do, you may never break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice, and I’ll own your soul.

When I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie.

You’ll do what you have to just to get high.

The crimes you’ll commit, for my narcotic charms, will be worth the pleasure you’ll feel in your arms.

You’ll lie to your mother; you’ll steal from your dad.

When you see their tears, you should feel sad.

But you’ll forget your morals and how you were raised.

I’ll be your conscience, I’ll teach you my ways.

I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from God, and separate from friends.

I’ll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I’ll be with you always, right by your side.

You’ll give up everything – your family, your home, your friends, your money, then you’ll be alone.

I’ll take and I’ll take, till you have nothing more to give.

When I’m finished with you you’ll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned this is no game.

If given the chance, I’ll drive you insane.

I’ll ravish your body, I’ll control your mind.

I’ll own you completely; your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I’ll give you while lying in bed.

The voices you’ll hear from inside your head.

The sweats, the shakes, the visions you’ll see.

I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.

But then it’s too late, and you’ll know in your heart, that you are mine, and we shall not part.

You’ll regret that you tried me, they always do.

But you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen.

Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.

You could have said no, and just walked away.

If you could live that day over, now what would you say?

I’ll be your master; you will be my slave.

I’ll even go with you, when you go to your grave.

Now that you have met me, what will you do?

Will you try me or not?

Its all up to you.

I can bring you more misery than words can tell.

Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.”

Signed

DRUGS

Poison

Truths about being single

THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING SINGLE

‘What people don’t realize is that some people are single in this generation because they are healed, which makes them incompatible with trauma bonds.

Unfortunately, trauma bonds are the template of our culture at this time.

Those who choose peace over trauma will have difficulty in relationships because most people that we meet are emotionally damaged in some way.

Healed people seek healthy bonds. These bonds hold space for authenticity and correction. It’s kind of like an oxymoron.

About 90% of the relationships/marriages that we see are actually trauma bonds. Those involved “need” the other person to make them feel whole because they’re both broken mentally, emotionally and/or spiritually.

Let that sink in for a moment…

With so much love,

Unknown

(Image credit: Ben Smith)

The bond between Narcissists, their Mom and their sisters

How many ways , I noted this and every attempt to discuss this unholy bond was pacified, often with ” well as a Christian” …

The children began to divorce , the youngest 1st , after a time of dating , then the eldest , which was a ” shit show ” and then I developed ” Bipolar ” , and with no support , nor intervention , 5 years into that toxic induction into the dank shadow , having hooked up with his twin , he left .

” I love you , but I’m not in love with you “, he walked away from our 3 children and me , never looking back,

Things got worse , and always he has had this connection with his sisters , his Mom deceased , his control, fading , his health is poor, and he keeps adding nails to his coffin, by perpetuating his hatred , his lies, projecting still it was all my fault.

He has poisoned so many folks against me and I have felt their hatred , and spite for decades..

It’s like he believes , he married down, from his level.. I sense I married out of my species .

With the abuse and alienation of our children and grandchildren, continuing, Divine has stepped in.. I sense he’s already feeling the ” side effects” of his actions , and there’s no intervention this time.

The cycle of control and dominance are over.. He can align himself with any one, anytime, on any level. 3 strikes and he’s out .

Pray our children wake , it’s totally up to them, however, I am moving on.. Grateful for having protection from the multi faceted cult that has prayed for my very death .

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