Tag: relationships

Charlie McCready-Alienating any threat to their ego, hidden agenda & control

Parental alienation involves psychological abuse, and coercive control. It involves dark dynamics where people, often driven by insecurity, unresolved trauma, narcissism, attachment disorders (and more), resort to manipulation and cruelty to maintain dominance.

In these toxic relationships, some perpetrators perceive their victims as threats to their control, ego, or hidden agendas. This perception becomes the breeding ground for intensified abuse and manipulation. The more control slips through their fingers, the more they tighten their grip, all driven by the irrational fear of losing what they believe is rightfully theirs. Or wishing to punish.

And when victims, often after enduring prolonged suffering, gather the courage to sever ties with their oppressors, the reaction is often volatile. Furious at the prospect of losing their grip on power, the perpetrators retaliate with even greater ferocity. They see the victim’s actions as challenging their supremacy and respond by escalating the abuse, seeking to reassert their control.

This vicious cycle perpetuates the suffering of those ensnared within it. Victims find themselves between the desperate need for liberation and the dread of the backlash they may face when attempting to break free. The emotional scars from these abusive relationships can run deep, and the healing journey can be long. It’s incredibly helpful to surround yourself with people or be in communities where others understand what you’re going through. You can find strength in understanding the pathology and knowing you are not alone. You can reclaim your life. And so can the children.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatterToo

#FathersMatter

#overcomingtrauma

Charlie McCready – Surviving Child Psychological Abuse

This question to a ‘target’ parent from an alienated child sounds like a desperate plea: “Why don’t you just apologise for everything?” After enduring relentless psychological manipulation, coercive control, and pathogenic parenting, the alienated child is left emotionally drained and yearning for peace. Denial, projection, and submission may become their coping mechanisms as they struggle to navigate the toxic dynamics imposed upon them. The child may become parentified because of the infantile behaviour of their alienating pathogenic parent whose psycho-emotional needs demand obedience, unquestioning loyalty, and sacrifice. The needs and wishes of the parent are prioritised over those of the child, and justifications and excuses on the hero/victim theme will be employed. In the grip of attachment disorders and cognitive dissonance, the child finds it increasingly difficult to resist the demands of the alienating parent.⁠

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This is a relationship that’s based on fear, intimidation, bribery, threats, and control but with enough promise of love and care to keep them stuck and hoping for better. The emotional manipulation involves gaslighting, blameshifting and guilt-tripping. The trauma bond created by this kind of disordered, abusive (often narcissistic) parenting creates an experience for the child akin to that of Stockholm Syndrome, entrapping the child in a cycle of fear, intimidation, and control. Despite the toxicity of the relationship, the entrapment becomes thought of as safer than the alternative (freedom) and it can lead the alienated child to defend and protect their aligned parent even when things don’t really make sense (cognitive dissonance). Their compliance comes about through a longing to fix things and for love and survival (identification with an aggressor).

They become so accustomed to placating the alienating parent that they cannot comprehend why the ‘target’ parent resists. Also, all wrongs have been projected onto the ‘target’ parent. In their quest for survival and a semblance of normalcy, they can become so accustomed to submitting and placating the domination, tantrums, drama and conflict that often surrounds the alienating parent, they think it’s easier for the ‘target’ parent just to capitulate as they do, and apologise for everything, believing this will bring an end to their suffering.

However, I’m sure you know, as an alienated parent, surrendering to manipulation is not the solution. It doesn’t end there. It (typically) just continues. The children should know this too, but it’s hard for them to ‘break free’ from the coercive control and psychological abuse inflicted on them. But we can show them. Maintaining integrity, being non-reactive, creating boundaries, and refusing to apologise for injustices we did not commit, we can show our strength, and show our children the way towards healing and liberation from the trauma bonds.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#traumabonding

#coercivecontrol

#narcissisticparent

Mental & Legal Professionals fail our children/ Parental Alienation

It’s crucial for mental health professionals and family courts to look beyond the “voice of the child.” While a child’s expressed wishes are important, they can be influenced by various factors, including enmeshment with one parent and coercive control dynamics. In these situations, the child might be manipulated or pressured into expressing negative feelings or rejection towards the other parent. Covert psychological abuse and trauma bonding are central elements of these dynamics. These behaviours are subtle, they may even look like love, closeness, and care, making them challenging to detect.

Due to ongoing manipulation and control, trauma bonding occurs when the child becomes emotionally attached to the alienating parent, further reinforcing their unjustified, ‘coached’ negative perceptions of the other parent.

Therefore, mental health professionals and family courts have a duty of care to conduct thorough and impartial assessments, looking beyond appearances. Failing to do so inadvertently allows what could be seen as a form of legal kidnapping, where a child is unjustly separated from a loving parent. It’s essential that professionals consider the broader context, potential manipulation, and the child’s best interests to ensure fair and just outcomes in such sensitive cases.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#FamilyCourt

#divorce

#highconflictdivorce

#traumabonding