Tag: Children

The manipulated alienated child – Charlie Mc Cready

It’s painful for the alienated child when they realise they’d put their trust in a parent who didn’t entirely have their best interests in mind, they were mostly thinking of themselves. They were being childish, vengeful and selfish when as a parent they’d have been expected, and trusted to be emotionally mature, mentally balanced, nurturing, and unconditionally loving.

Coming to terms with being manipulated, lied to, and deprived of a relationship with a loving parent can be a challenging process for an alienated child. It often involves recognising and acknowledging what really happened, which can evoke feelings of anger, sadness, and betrayal. Healing and reconciliation requires support from people who understand parental alienation. They can gradually gain insight into the dynamics at play and develop a healthier perspective on the situation. It is essential for the child to separate their own identity and emotions from the alienating parent’s influence, allowing them to reclaim their autonomy and make informed decisions about their relationships. Ultimately, the healing process involves finding ways to rebuild trust, establish boundaries, and create a fulfilling life that includes a sense of love and connection with both parents, regardless of the alienating parent’s actions.

A significant amount of programming of false beliefs and fictions need to be untangled so they can move on with their life as a sovereign, happy, healthy-minded individual who is free to love who they choose, not only who their alienating parent allows them to love.

Alienated children need to be immensely brave and strong to break free, but they can and do. Some cut ties with the alienating parent; some find a way to have both parents in their lives, which was always the best situation for them.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#alienatedparent

#coercivecontrol

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#parentalalienationawareness

#parentalalienation

#childpsychologicalabuse

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatter

#FamilyCourt

#custody

Matriarchal society of Native Americans ❤️💯

NURTURING:When Europeans first arrived in North America, they were amazed by the Indigenous People and their culture and how it differed from their own. Children appeared to be indulged and lavished with affection more than European children, who were often disciplined by force. This tenderness instilled in them a sense of honor and respect through example. Native appearance and dress were understandably different, but strangely, native infants at birth were as light of skin as any from Europe. As they aged, their skins took on the hues of adults.��The women of these strange new people were esteemed and honored by society, unlike European women. American tribes had a matriarchal society in which children “belonged” to their mothers and were raised by them. The words of these women held sway. It was often their voices that ended conflicts or chose a direction for the entire clan or tribe.��In this painting, the Clan Mothers welcome new additions to the village. They will be raised in the old ways and and someday may become leaders of their people. (written with the help of Beth Kennedy — author and Clan Mother)Courtesy ~ JohnBuxton

Teach your children well

Teach these 40 phrases to your sons and daughters so they can be more resilient, successful, and confident in life.

1. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

2. Good manners don’t cost anything.

3. Always ask. They can only say no.

4. You’re not marrying one; you’re marrying the whole family.

5. Find the good in everybody.

6. Don’t cry before you try.

7. There are no stupid questions, only stupid answers.

8. Pretty is as pretty does.

9. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

10. You can’t control what others do, only your own reactions.

11. Don’t buy what you can’t afford.

12. Remember that things don’t make you happy, people do.

13. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

14. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

15. Watch what you step in.

16. Cow turds are a cattlemen’s dollar signs. It all depends on how you look at it.

17. Teamwork makes the dream work.

18. Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

19. What we think determines what happens to us, so if we want to change our lives, we need to stretch our minds.

20. Fair? The fair is two weeks in the fall.

21. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

22. The greatest day in your life is when you take total responsibility for your attitudes. That’s the day you truly grow up.

23. True freedom is understanding that we have a choice in who and what we allow to have power over us.

24. You’re only as old as you feel.

25. A rolling stone gathers no moss.

26. Early to bed and early to rise makes you healthy, wealthy, and wise.

27. Happiness is not by chance but by choice.

28. If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.

29. A rising tide lifts all boats.

30. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

31. You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

32. The early bird catches the worm.

33. Each day comes bearing its gifts. Untie the ribbon.

34. Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

35. Confession is good for the soul.

36. You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.

37. The grass is greener where you water it.

38. The greatest glory in living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.

39. There is no single recipe for success. But there is one essential ingredient: Passion.

40. Never lose hope. And never underestimate the power of prayer.

📸✍️ Credit to the rightful owner.

Estrangement example

There are many professionals who have addressed the alienation and trauma of family estrangement and many are dangerous concepts . Inner healing is individual and should be as long and hard process .

I have statistics that state 1 of 5 kids are affected and that demands better therapies , better treatment, more educated and legal professionals and procedures that are based on truths , on facts and ultimately in the best interest of each family member , Justice , and the child that does not require treatments , prescription medications and life experiences that are more than challenging.

My daughter posted this on her FB page. I’ve never read or heard of this book and I didn’t send it to her. I’ve had no contact with her for over 6 years. They all ghosted me. She is a covert narcissist. When she no longer needed me she discarded me and convinced everyone I abused her. I was in shock. I told her I did everything for her and my now-grown grandchildren. She said every parent does that. No big deal.

I’m mostly healed from the estrangement, but this post angered me due to her total lack of gratitude. I raised my kids alone after finding their father dead from suicide. I was only 22 years old. I had no help and it was not easy. I showered my kids with love constantly. I guess hardship is considered abuse now. There is no abuse worse than an adult child discarding their elderly mother. There is no greater pain.

This is her post.

It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn
It Didn’t Start with You is about how trauma is passed down generationally, and how to heal it.
In my (unpopular, according to reviews) opinion, the reason this book has sold so well is because we, as a society, don’t know why we’re traumatized. It’s easier for us to paint over a dirty fence, attempting to bandage our family problems through “feel good” efforts.
Wolynn suggests that we all have inherited familial trauma that’s passed down through our DNA, and once we become aware of what our parents and grandparents experienced, we can heal all wounds and have happy relationships.
Easy peasy.
Maybe when you’ve had the ideal upbringing. But did you?
He doesn’t address dysfunction or abuse within the family. Instead he suggests being compassionate towards them, as if knowing about their traumas will absolve them from anything they may have done to you when you were growing up, or even as an adult.
Learned behaviors, beliefs, and feelings that have formed as a result of one’s experiences within the family—Wolynn attributes these to genetic generational trauma, subconscious memories from our ancestors. To him, these drive our behavior. He uses this framework for his system of “healing.” He does not address poverty, hardship, or emotional, verbal, physical, or sexual abuse.
He shares stories about his patients’ sense of relief and healing, but their underlying challenges have not been addressed, their relationships not truly changed. If none of the reader’s personal circumstances are looked at, all of this “generational trauma” is conjecture. The fence is still dirty and the paint peels sooner or later.
“We must first repair our broken relationships with our parents.”
How does he suggest that we do this? He suggests we take responsibility for our parents. He doesn’t suggest how to seek a relationship with them where they do the same. If they took responsibility for their past grievances, they would change their behavior, not in the short term, but for the long haul.
The onus falls on the adult child.
If your parents experienced past traumas, it doesn’t mean they win a “get out of jail free card.”
Wolynn states, “You can’t change what was, but you can change what is, as long as you don’t expect your parents to change or be different from who they are. It is you who must hold the relationship differently. That’s your work. Not your parent’s work. The question is are you willing?”
You can be compassionate and understand your parents’ pain, but that doesn’t mean you must acquiesce to dysfunction or abuse.
Here are a couple of my favorite “healing sentences” he suggests using if you’ve “rejected” a parent:
“I’m sorry for how difficult I’ve been.”
“I’ll take your love as you give it, not as I expect it.”
“I’m sorry that I pulled away. I promise, for the remaining time we have together, I’ll be closer.”
People think this is helping them, but it’s putting them through the same pain their parents did.
It Didn’t Start with You is dysfunctional therapy. I’m concerned for any vulnerable person who seeks out this type of “therapy”, or for any therapist who employs its ideas. It’s better suited to line a bird cage.
In fact, this book did line my bird’s cage. That’s because my abusive mother sent it to me after I finally cut contact—to absolve herself from her behavior, and to tell me that it’s my fault.
You can heal even if your parents refuse to.