Tag: wisdoms

Einstein’s Wife

“Albert Einstein’s first wife Mileva (Mitza) Marić was also a brilliant physicist. They met at the Polytechnic Institute of Zurich, where she had fought for special permissions to attend and where she received higher marks than Albert. Mitza put in as much if not more work on their theories but wasn’t credited because Albert told her their works wouldn’t get published with a woman’s name on them.

Many of his lecture notes are in Mitza’s handwriting, and Albert was once heard at a party saying, “I need my wife, she helps solve all of my mathematical problems.” 80% of Einstein’s famous works were published during this marriage, referred to as his “magic years.” Those magic years ended abruptly after they divorced due to his infidelity and abandonment.”

Happy Women’s History Month to the ✨real✨ genius of the Einstein family, Mileva Marić 🥰

The ‘don’ts of Woman

Be a lady they said. Your skirt is too short. Your shirt is too low. Your pants are too tight. Don’t show so much skin. Don’t show your thighs. Don’t show your breasts. Don’t show your midriff. Don’t show your cleavage. Don’t show your underwear. Don’t show your shoulders. Cover up. Leave something to the imagination. Dress modestly. Don’t be a temptress. Men can’t control themselves.

Men have needs. You look frumpy. Loosen up. Show some skin. Look sexy. Look hot. Don’t be so provocative. You’re asking for it. Wear black. Wear heels. You’re too dressed up. You’re too dressed down. Don’t wear those sweatpants; you look like you’ve let yourself go.

Be a lady they said. Don’t be too fat. Don’t be too thin. Don’t be too large. Don’t be too small. Eat up. Slim down. Stop eating so much. Don’t eat too fast. Order a salad. Don’t eat carbs. Skip dessert. You need to lose weight. Fit into that dress. Go on a diet. Watch what you eat. Eat celery. Chew gum. Drink lots of water. You have to fit into those jeans. God, you look like a skeleton. Why don’t you just eat? You look emaciated. You look sick. Eat a burger. Men like women with some meat on their bones. Be small. Be light. Be little. Be petite. Be feminine. Be a size zero. Be a double zero. Be nothing. Be less than nothing.

Be a lady they said. Remove your body hair. Shave your legs. Shave your armpits. Shave your bikini line. Wax your face. Wax your arms. Wax your eyebrows. Get rid of your mustache. Bleach this. Bleach that. Lighten your skin. Tan your skin. Eradicate your scars. Cover your stretch marks. Tighten your abs. Plump your lips. Botox your wrinkles. Lift your face. Tuck your tummy. Thin your thighs. Tone your calves. Perk up your boobs. Look natural. Be yourself. Be genuine. Be confident. You’re trying too hard. You look overdone. Men don’t like girls who try too hard.

Be a lady they said. Wear makeup. Prime your face. Conceal your blemishes. Contour your nose. Highlight your cheekbones. Line your lids. Fill in your brows. Lengthen your lashes. Color your lips. Powder, blush, bronze, highlight. Your hair is too short. Your hair is too long. Your ends are split. Highlight your hair. Your roots are showing. Dye your hair. Not blue, that looks unnatural. You’re going grey. You look so old. Look young. Look youthful. Look ageless. Don’t get old. Women don’t get old. Old is ugly. Men don’t like ugly.

Be a lady they said. Save yourself. Be pure. Be virginal. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t flirt. Don’t be a skank. Don’t be a whore. Don’t sleep around. Don’t lose your dignity. Don’t have sex with too many men. Don’t give yourself away. Men don’t like sluts. Don’t be a prude. Don’t be so up tight. Have a little fun. Smile more. Pleasure men. Be experienced. Be sexual. Be innocent. Be dirty. Be virginal. Be sexy. Be the cool girl. Don’t be like the other girls.

Be a lady they said. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t talk too much. Don’t take up space. Don’t sit like that. Don’t stand like that. Don’t be intimidating. Why are you so miserable? Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be so bossy. Don’t be assertive. Don’t overact. Don’t be so emotional. Don’t cry. Don’t yell. Don’t swear. Be passive. Be obedient. Endure the pain. Be pleasing. Don’t complain. Let him down easy. Boost his ego. Make him fall for you. Men want what they can’t have. Don’t give yourself away. Make him work for it. Men love the chase. Fold his clothes. Cook his dinner. Keep him happy. That’s a woman’s job. You’ll make a good wife some day. Take his last name. You hyphenated your name? Crazy feminist. Give him children. You don’t want children? You will some day. You’ll change your mind.

Be a lady they said. Don’t get raped. Protect yourself. Don’t drink too much. Don’t walk alone. Don’t go out too late. Don’t dress like that. Don’t show too much. Don’t get drunk. Don’t leave your drink. Have a buddy. Walk where it is well lit. Stay in the safe neighborhoods. Tell someone where you’re going. Bring pepper spray. Buy a rape whistle. Hold your keys like a weapon. Take a self-defense course. Check your trunk. Lock your doors. Don’t go out alone. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t bat your eyelashes. Don’t look easy. Don’t attract attention. Don’t work late. Don’t crack dirty jokes. Don’t smile at strangers. Don’t go out at night. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t say yes. Don’t say no.

Just “be a lady” they said.

-Camille Rainville

Releasing Grief

Pushing people to break agreements or abandon their boundaries for us is not only disrespectful, but an invitation from the wounded self into codependency.

At its root, this is what codependency is, a dance of two wounded souls trying to find a way to get their earlier needs met.

It’s a repetition of the original loss.

The loss of the love that wasn’t available.

It’s the wound that we have so deeply identified with that it has calcified as identity and runs the show.

Our liberation won’t come from finally winning the dance of codependency, but from grieving that we were not loved the way we needed to be.

It will come from grieving that no matter how good we were (are), no matter how much we have healed…that love we crave to be met with still couldn’t be there and it didn’t have anything to do with us.

Grieving the roots of these patterns is what liberates us….not enslaving people into our patterns so that we can “win” what the ego thinks it wants, or finally be “chosen.”

The sky weather is pretty persistent right now that we clean up this age old tension between self and other, separation and union, wound and medicine, codependency vs. interdependent, mature love.

Chiron in Aries asks us to self-actualize away from identification with the wound, but, rather, to alchemize the wound.

Instead of perpetual healing of the wound, to see the wound as the space of our own, inherent creative potential to generate something beautiful from that which cannot be healed.

What we create from that place IS the healing salve we are meant to offer the world.

The sidereal Chiron in Pisces might have us questioning what we can trust, where we can put our faith and what structures or boundaries we need so that we can manage not losing ourselves in the great vastness of being.

What can we trust within ourselves? Others? Life?

In between these two points, is the constellation of Cetus, the Whale, who governs the principle of consecration.

With Chiron here, we might feel a little stuck around being able to consecrate ourselves fully in devotion the higher path of our soul.

We might mistakenly be anointing our wounding and acting from it, placing more faith in the familiarity of codependent patterns, rather than the unknown of ego death from allowing the wound to be transformed into its medicine form.

With the New Moon in Taurus, may we allow ourselves to feel so held in the arms of the earth so that we can finally relax, let go and and rest so that deeper layer of grief we’ve been holding on so tightly can finally release its hold on us.

May we ground the murkiness, release the need to “know,” and let the wisdom of the mystery alive in the body show us what we most need right now to feel safe to come home to the union living within our own hearts.

The ultimate sanctuary worthy of our most devoted consecration.

✍️ Dr. Mia Hetényi