Tag: trauma

Bridge over troubled water – Charlie McCready

The most profoundly healing and helpful thing we can offer our alienated child/ren is our own healing. That is the same whether they’re currently in our lives or not. It doesn’t help them to know we’re in pain (angry, grieving, holding onto the past) and it doesn’t draw them back to us, quite the opposite. They also suffered and if they’re ever aware of the part they’ve played (or been induced into playing) there’s enormous guilt and grief and shame for them too. We subconsciously hold onto grief as a reminder, a bridge of sorts to the old life we miss, our alienated child. We feel the void, the ache in our hearts as a physical sensation that, in some ways, we find it hard to let go of, almost as if to do so means we’re forgetting, not doing enough, and we’re not allowed to be happy without feeling guilty. But we owe it to ourselves, and our child/ren to be happy and lead the way. It’s not selfishness. It’s strong and it’s loving. Even without children around, we can start working on ourselves. Healing ourselves is also the way to heal the world. One person at a time, the more we heal, the more people around us can too. It has a ripple effect. Someone has to stop the generational trauma – let it be you. Psychologist, D.W. Winnicott, said we don’t need to be perfect parents, we just need to avoid harming our children. Most of us have childhood wounds, and if we don’t sort them out, we can inadvertently pass them down. As we say, hurt people hurt people, so do healed people heal people.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#FamilyCourt

#alienatedparent

#FathersMatter

#mothersmatter

Letting Go

Letting go is hard…allowing yourself to gently morph…releasing the layers that have always defined you.

There is always that time of change…that pause when something is quietly ending while that ‘new’ thing is quietly waiting in the wings. That ‘pregnant’ pause, as it’s often called. I liken it to a ballet dancer’s last performance on stage…those last bars of music accompanying those final steps…that last ‘pas de deux’…that final curtain call, that last applause, those last flowers…Allowing it all to just be…to flow through you like a river finding its way, trusting that it will know itself more fully as it widens, deepens and prepares itself to be embraced by an ocean. There are always new sights, new experiences along the way and the river carries and carves itself around every corner, somehow knowing that she will finally release all of herself to become ‘One’ with all the rivers who have become oceans who have released themselves into the Greater Sea…

I must remember this as I stand at the door of my little teaching room, reflecting on my life while the sun dances across my piano keys as if to keep them alive for me while I unfold myself into my next newness. And as I watch…and feel…and remember, I can’t help but bless the beautiful Being I’ve been, the teacher who has sat next to so many students over the years, teaching each of their beautiful Souls and being equally taught by them.

Sometimes, it’s only when one steps down from the train and watches it pull away from the station that the beauty of its carriages is noted and the fullness of the journey truly appreciated! There will always be another train…and the platform is a good enough place for me to be at the moment…..a good place to morph!’ 🙏