Tag: trauma

Abuse in the Family – Charlie McCready

In Abuse in the Family, Alan Kemp defines domestic violence as “a form of maltreatment perpetrated by a person with whom the victim has or had a close personal relationship” (Kemp, p. 36). I believe that using terminology that accurately describes parental alienation as a form of abuse is crucial. Those of us who have experienced it understand that it transcends the label of ‘parental alienation’—a term that is often misunderstood and misused. It encompasses child psychological abuse, spousal psychological abuse, and constitutes a form of violence within the domestic environment.⁠

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Kemp’s book serves as an excellent resource for anyone seeking to understand psychological maltreatment, which, in essence, includes parental alienation. The same categories apply: rejecting (spurning), terrorising, corrupting, denying essential stimulation, emotional unavailability, unreliable parenting, neglect in mental health, medical, or educational contexts, degrading or devaluing, isolating, and exploiting.⁠

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The alienating parent manipulates and exploits the children, isolating them from a nurturing parent and their family, including grandparents, step-parents, step-children. They deny the children their fundamental needs for love and belonging from the targeted parent, thereby neglecting their mental welfare. This parent dismisses the children’s and the targeted parent’s expressions of love and need for one another. The alienating parent not only terrorises and corrupts the children but also prioritises their own desires above the needs of everyone else, including their own children.⁠

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Kemp employs an ecological approach to explore the pervasive issue of family maltreatment, analysing the complex relationships at macro, meso, and micro levels. By addressing questions such as “Why does family maltreatment occur?” “What do its victims experience?” “How do they recover?” “What can we do to help them?” “How can we understand the perpetrators?” and “How might we reduce or prevent family abuse?”, we can better equip ourselves to combat this significant social problem.

The definition of domestic violence presented in Kemp’s work applies aptly to parental alienation, wherein one parent manipulates a child to turn against the other parent, constituting emotional and psychological abuse. My posts are here not to alarm or upset but to spread awareness about what’s known as ‘parental alienation’ and to provide guidance to those who are going through it, as I did myself. Apart from these daily posts, which I hope help you know you’re not alone, and to better understand it’s an attachment disorder, a pathology, it’s not you; please reach out if I can help with the coaching I offer.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#pathogenicparent

#coercivecontrol

To those Responsible – Charlie McCready

Despite being a victim of false allegations and manipulative alienating tactics, the ‘target’ parent finds themselves entrapped in a system that often fails to adequately assess the truth, allowing baseless accusations to persist. The alienated parent, unjustly kept away from their child, experiences a profound sense of loss, rejection, and helplessness. Their relationship with their child deteriorates as the alienating parent continues to poison the child’s mind against them, and often it worsens during custody cases.⁠

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Legal and mental health professionals, who are expected to protect the child’s best interests, often fail to intervene effectively. Even when assessments are conducted, they are sometimes ignored or not acted upon, leaving the alienated parent in a state of perpetual despair and disbelief.⁠

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The frustration deepens as the ‘rejected’ parent witnesses the alienating parent’s blatant disregard for court orders and their refusal to cooperate in co-parenting. Despite these clear signs of malicious intent, the legal and mental health system often sticks with the status quo/does next to nothing, sometimes even making things worse. ⁠

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There is currently no ‘one size fits all’ remedy. But I’d like to share what a parent wrote to me suggesting – something that had worked for him. I paraphrase: “Demand from those in positions of power to put in writing what the allegations are about you. Ask them if your parenting has ever been in question before separation/divorce/allegations. Question them as to whether these allegations are a breach of your right to a private family life.”⁠

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This is great because by doing so, you assert your rights but also prompt the professionals to examine the credibility of the allegations thoroughly. If there is no prior evidence or history of concerns, it raises doubts about the authenticity of the claims made during the alienation process. Questioning whether these allegations breach your right to a private family life underscores the fundamental human rights aspect of the situation. This emphasises the need to protect the parent-child relationship and the family’s right to privacy. By raising these questions, the alienated parent not only advocates for their own rights but also challenges the professionals to uphold the principles of fairness, justice, and due diligence in their assessments.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#abuseinthefamily

Trauma

Let’s go deeper into trauma responses—not as pathology, but as intelligent adaptations.

These are not flaws.

These are the nervous system’s survival languages when the bodymind experienced a moment it could not process, integrate, or safely escape.

What we call trauma is not the event—it is the residue that remains when the body doesn’t get to complete its defensive cycle.

And that residue organizes itself into behavioral patterns.

Here’s the deeper breakdown through the lens of embodied energetics, mind-body awareness, and the soul’s survival blueprint:

FLIGHT

This is the trauma of urgency.

The body didn’t feel safe here, so it learned to escape—through movement, achievement, busyness.

Flight says: “If I stay still, I’ll feel it.

If I feel it, I’ll collapse.”

So instead, it becomes a workaholic.

A perfectionist.

An over-thinker.

It stays ten steps ahead, not because it’s inspired—but because stillness feels dangerous.

Underneath is often deep abandonment fear and a core belief that safety comes through doing.

Healing flight requires learning how to feel safe in slowness.

To reintroduce stillness as sacred, not threatening.

Breathwork.

Somatic anchoring.

Nervous system retraining.

Safe containment.

FIGHT

This is the trauma of threat.

The body didn’t have control over what hurt it, so it built armor.

Fight says: “I won’t be overpowered again.”

It shows up as controlling behavior, anger outbursts, even narcissistic traits—because domination feels safer than vulnerability.

It’s not malicious—it’s defensive.

Underneath is the unmet rage of helplessness and a heart that once felt voiceless.

Healing fight means learning how to metabolize anger without weaponizing it.

How to reclaim the sacred fire without projecting pain.

Reconnecting with inner power without force.

FREEZE

This is the trauma of overwhelm.

When nothing felt safe and there was no exit, the system shut down to survive.

Freeze says: “It’s safer not to feel anything at all.”

So decisions become impossible.

Isolation feels necessary.

Dissociation becomes the norm.

It’s not laziness—it’s neurological lockdown.

The body numbs to protect itself from energetic overload.

Healing freeze begins with micro-mobilization.

Tiny steps.

Gentle sensory reconnection.

Breath.

Movement.

Permission to feel again in a body that once had to turn everything off to survive.

FAWN

This is the trauma of rejection.

When love was conditional, the body learned to shapeshift to be accepted.

Fawn says: “If I become what you need, maybe you won’t hurt me.”

It turns into people-pleasing, codependency, lack of boundaries, lack of identity.

It’s a deep disconnection from authentic self, replaced with a survival-based performance.

Healing fawn requires radical self-reclamation.

Practicing boundaries without guilt.

Rebuilding self-trust.

Reconnecting with truth and learning that authentic love doesn’t require sacrifice of self.

Each of these responses is sacred.

Each arose to protect you.

But none of them are meant to be permanent identities.

Healing is remembering: you are safe now.

You no longer need to abandon yourself to survive.

Every time you choose presence over pattern, you reclaim your wholeness.

Here’s a clear list of common trauma responses categorized by their nervous system adaptation patterns:

FLIGHT (Escape Response)

Survival through avoidance, movement, and doing.

• Workaholism

• Overthinking

• Anxiety

• Panic attacks

• OCD tendencies

• Difficulty sitting still

• Perfectionism

• Hyper-productivity

• Constant future planning

• Avoiding confrontation

FIGHT (Aggression Response)

Survival through control, dominance, and defensiveness.

• Anger outbursts

• Controlling behavior

• Bullying or intimidation

• Narcissistic traits

• Explosive behavior

• Highly reactive to perceived threats

• Excessive competitiveness

• Judgmental tendencies

• Emotional outbursts used as defense

• Constant need to be “right”

FREEZE (Shutdown Response)

Survival through immobilization, dissociation, and numbing.

• Difficulty making decisions

• Feeling stuck

• Dissociation (mentally checking out)

• Emotional numbness

• Isolation and withdrawal

• Chronic fatigue or burnout

• Feeling detached from life

• Zoning out / brain fog

• Inability to take action

• Feeling invisible

FAWN (Appease Response)

Survival through people-pleasing, merging, and loss of self.

• People-pleasing

• Lack of identity or self-connection

• No boundaries

• Overwhelm when others are upset

• Codependency

• Fear of saying no

• Difficulty expressing needs

• Suppressing opinions to avoid conflict

• Constant need for approval

• Self-worth tied to others’ emotions

Each of these trauma responses was once a brilliant strategy to stay safe.

Healing begins when we recognize them not as flaws, but as survival codes—ready to be decoded and rewired into deeper self-trust, embodiment, and truth.

#TraumaAwareness #FawnFreezeFightFlight #NervousSystemHealing #SomaticRecovery #RewireToRise #SelfProtectionPatterns #SurvivalAdaptations #RootCauseHealing #NervousSystemHealing #TraumaResponses #SomaticWisdom #FawnFightFlightFreeze #RootCauseAwareness #EmbodiedHealing #MindBodyAlchemy #RegulateToLiberate #InnerChildIntegration #YouAreSafeNow