Tag: relationships

Relationships-Respond in bring Responsible

Communication did not evolve or resolve , which made for a dominance and power trip I rejected , it was a total affront to me xs 3 and the legacy of such abuse was intolerable. I would not have quit if I had not been drained to the core and drugged into submission the war was won .

So he thought ; again his war . End Game

Distracted or Not Interested

Our children should have been 1st always as a couple that’s an honor , a mission and so expansive a growth lesson in love !

I lost that and each of our kids did and it’s clearly time to lift the veil .

www.facebook.com/reel/481566794038871

Perfectionist- OCD

Labeled a ” mental disorder ”

or trauma response ?

Being subjected to a

perfectionist as a child can and

does create ” Patty Perfect ”

ends up in overwhelming

life situations, burdened with

responsibilities and many

negatives can result .

Alcoholism is just one response

but expecting all around you

to be perfect is a heavy burden

especially when one does not

strive for perfection perhaps

having laid that burden down !

Qualifying behaviors, as just

” my OCD” kicking in doesn’t

resonate when it’s a place for

blame , or projected blame

always pointing out the lack

in another . It’s a stressful

situation and personally I

don’t do well under such

pressure .

I had ” family ” members via

marriage that were always

exclusive in their bond , found

me less than desirable and a

partner who did not ever have

my back , but rather joined in

the ladies constant criticism

and judgment which was

highly toxic and really affected

me as a newly wed , mother

the 1st year and for several

decades . I did not want to be

in their company as it became

more intense and flagrantly

obvious!

I was not fully aware that our

sons had adapted to this , and

with those last 5 years in toxic

treatment for ” bipolar ” it

was a mantra of ex and his

family that I chose to be

Bipolar and gravely ill to get

out of my duties as Mom .

I’m sure ex felt the loss of my

inability to do my ” jobs”

and further neglected the

horrific situation and it’s effect

on our sons .

He was busy making plans to

exit with as much as possible

and covertly blame all

failures on me .

Of course it’s always been and

always will be his job to heal

that childhood desire or

pressure for perfection but I’m

keenly aware of what a toll

that takes on everyone in his

world as he always is in that

mode and never really

enjoying the moment and that

radiates to others negatively .

It’s the ” bar” expected of those

around him ; Great

Expectations that I could not

meet which made me less

than in his opinion!

I realize how it drained him

and noted how scheduled he

was concerning his personal

habits .

He had no idea , nor did he

care how anything affected

me .

iocdf.org/about-OCD/

Solitude is not Loneliness

I have a sweet man friend who came up to me at a music hall and asked if he could join me because I looked lonely!

I replied that far from truth I enjoy watching others and being on my own was not lonely.

Having had a partner , with whom I felt lonely, the pain of loneliness was acute from no contact with our sons .

But as my knowledge grew of this loneliness, I realized I would die of it and that was the objective of ex , and making peace within , I surrendered loneliness and birthdays and holidays and his never ending control and abuse long after the finale divorce .

I never knew lonely is such depth until all I knew and loved in my family was removed to serve him and his dark shadow

“Solitude isn’t loneliness. Solitude is when the entire serene universe seems to surround and hold you quietly.”

― Victoria Erickson

Artist: Kate Bedell

Solitude is not about avoiding being with other people. It’s about being with yourself. In the words of Lao Tzu: ‘Ordinary men hate solitude. But the Master makes use of it, embracing his aloneness, realising he is one with the whole universe.’

The solution is to know thyself. When you connect with your essence and live your individual truth, you will find happiness. That connection demands you to move within and embrace aloneness.

KŌ B’A JÃ

🦋💜✨