Tag: Children

Targeted Parent Object of Lies by Alienator

I’ll start us off. I was accused of being a ‘slum landlord’ when in fact I used to rent property through the council in a deprived area, the rooms were kept pristine, in fact I couldn’t have rented them through the council if they hadn’t been through all the strict regulations. The rooms were ‘sheltered housing’ for people struggling in life for various reasons including domestic abuse. I hardly made any money, I did it for over ten years, and I wanted to help because I was able to do so.

I was accused of affairs.

On another occasion, in a different situation, I was also accused of causing bulimia. This accusation came from someone who made comments daily about the way people (including my child) look, their size, their appearance etc.

What lies have been told about you?

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Victim vs Survivor- Charlie McCready

A victim can be described as someone who has experienced harm, pain, or trauma – someone who experiences parental alienation and having their children unjustly turned against them. This harm inflicted by the alienating parent might be emotional, psychological, or even, in some cases, physical.⁠

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On the other hand, a survivor has faced the same adversity but has taken a different path in response to it. Typically, when we realise what’s happening, we’re shocked and can become paralyzed by the trauma. This is accompanied by a sense of helplessness and inability to move forward. Many don’t want to ‘move on’ in any way as they fear this means quitting or somehow giving up on their alienated children. Overcoming this horrific and poorly understood and supported experience is no mean feat. Reclaiming your strength and joy in life is not easy, but it is possible, and when others see you do it, you empower them to do the same. Overcoming trauma, including parental alienation, involves understanding the pathology, accepting it’s happened/is happening, and healing, self-discovery, and personal growth. It often requires rebuilding a sense of self-worth. ⁠

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Alienated parents and alienated children survive this experience in different ways. For example, alienated children psychologically ‘split’ due to cognitive dissonance and the inability to hold two contrasting ideas. In this way, unawareness (as with emotional cutoff) is a powerful survival technique when information threatens their status quo. It safeguards them from potential harm or distress. Being unaware or avoiding certain truths becomes a coping strategy. They may unconsciously choose to remain ignorant or suppress awareness to shield themselves from the potential negative consequences of that knowledge. They may be burying feelings of shame, guilt and confusion behind a show of confidence, criticism, and grandiosity. ⁠

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The healing journey for both alienated parents and children involves recognising the harm inflicted, fostering genuine self-acceptance, moving out of any sense of victimhood, and experiencing growth and resilience that empowers you to survive all ongoing conflicts or challenges. ⁠

#charliemccready

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#OvercomingAdversity

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Impact on mental health due to Parental Alienation

Last year, I wrote about the stellar work of Professor Ben Hine, a Professor of Applied Psychology, and so it was a real pleasure to recently hear him discussing his groundbreaking research into the effects of family breakdowns, separation, and divorce on parents and children. His research, conducted in collaboration with other luminaries in the field, such as Jennifer Harman, sheds crucial light on the prevalence and impact of parental alienating behaviours (PABs) as well as their profound impact on mental health, and it offers valuable insights into what needs to change to address this pervasive issue. ⁠

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You can find his research papers online, but here is an overview:⁠

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To understand the scale of the problem, his team surveyed over 1,000 separated or divorced parents in the first national study of its kind in the UK. When asked directly whether they had experienced PABs, 39.2% of participants reported that they had. However, when specific behaviours were described to them, this number rose to 59.1%. This stark difference highlights how difficult it can be to identify PABs, even for those who have suffered from them, underscoring the need for greater awareness and understanding.⁠

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The study also uncovered the severe mental health consequences of PABs. Participants who had experienced alienation reported significantly higher levels of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, and even thoughts of suicide. The damage caused by PABs is not just a “difficult family dynamic”; it is a form of psychological abuse with far-reaching consequences for parents and children alike.Many also disclosed that their experiences of PABs were accompanied by domestic violence, echoing similar findings in studies conducted in the US and Canada.⁠

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Professor Hine emphasised the importance of developing a comprehensive response to this issue. He called for better mental health support for families, including training for professionals, the creation of support groups, and access to counselling. Schools and the legal system also need to be involved, as they are often on the front lines of these complex family dynamics. Equally vital is the need for large-scale public awareness campaigns to educate society about the existence and impact of PABs, helping to reduce stigma and encourage action. As you know if you read my posts, I advocate this myself, and could not agree more strongly.

The research also revealed the importance of refining the tools used to identify PABs. The gap between participants’ direct responses and their recognition of specific behaviours shows that alienation is often hidden or misunderstood. By improving these tools, researchers and professionals can better understand the scope of the problem and develop more effective interventions.

The pervasiveness of Parental Alienating Behaviors demands urgent attention and concerted action from policymakers, professionals, and society. By acknowledging the intricate dynamics of post-separation relationships and prioritizing the well-being of affected families, we can work towards fostering healthier parent-child bonds and mitigating the enduring impact of parental alienation on individuals and communities.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#coercivecontrol

#FamilyCourt

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