Tag: abuse

When to let go of fake relationships with children?

I left my ex a few years ago. We have 4 kids ages 23,21 and 17 year old twins. I was a stay at home mom for 21 years. My ex throughly alienated my kids, my family and my friends. It was brutal. The worst time of my life. I was alone with everyone I loved on my exes side.

Fast forward a year later and my kids and my family came back to me. They started sharing stories and what my ex was saying didn’t add up. I was beyond thrilled to have my kids and my family back.

It feels fake. We have some great times and have taken weekends away that were so much fun. But it feels fake sometimes. I always feel like I’m walking a fine line, and I am. It’s an ebb and flow sometimes the contact goes for months at a time. Sometimes they pull away. My oldest daughter seems to be the ring leader of when they talk to me and when they don’t. They all come to me when shit hits the fan with their dad and that happens often. Usually involving money.
I’ve set no boundaries because I’m terrified of them leaving again. And they did leave.

A couple of weeks ago my oldest daughter called me in a panic. Her dad bought a dog for her after our divorce and I have never seen the dog before. My ex apparently gave the dog something to eat that it shouldn’t have eaten and the dog began throwing up and wouldn’t stop. She asked her dad yo go to an emergency vet with her and he of course said no, the dog would be fine. She called me and I said I would go with her. The emergency vet bill was over $500 and she made no move to pay for it so I did. I became frustrated and told her that it’s her dad who should pay the bill since he’s the one that made her dog sick. Probably shouldn’t have said that but I did. I am the go to person and provide them with all their clothes, medical appts, school stuff and they don’t live with me. I’m am asked often to buy food for them because there isn’t food in the house they like. I ask myself often why am I buying food for them for their dads house???

Anyway I set some boundaries and tried to explain in a loving way without ever bad mouthing their dad that since they live with him maybe they should ask him to buy food they like and I wasn’t really in a financial position to pay $500 vet bills. (I’m a teacher and my ex makes a ridiculous amount of money) that didn’t go over well and they all stopped talking to me.

My twins birthday was in July and I didn’t get to see them. My mom sent money and gifts and my son who is 17 returned the money and gifts to my mom. My mom didn’t deserve this!

I know for a lot of you, you would love to have any contact and I get that. For me this is almost worse than not having contact. I never know when they will pull away again. It’s a constant roller coaster and every time they leave again it ruins me a little bit more. I’m tired of being the one texting them and telling them I’m sorry and basically begging for them to
come back. This time I haven’t done any of that. I set boundaries that my oldest daughter didn’t like and she (they) walked away.

When does it get better? Should I continue to be a door mat and let them treat me badly so they will be in my life? My therapist said boundaries are great but it sure didn’t work for me. I’m angry. I walked away from their narcissistic dad, I didn’t walk away from them.

Stop leaving your kids with them

Stop leaving your kids with them.

Stop leaving your children with your boyfriends you barely know.

Stop letting your family members you don’t entirely trust watch them because it’s free.

If you have a gut feeling about someone that doesn’t sit right with you when it comes to your child, cut all ties with this person.

If your little one comes to you and says I don’t want to stay with a particular person …. do me a favor and listen to them.

~ Cody Bret

And ALWAYS believe them!! I myself would rather believe them and be wrong, then call them a liar and be wrong 🤷🏼‍♀️ ~ Tawny M

Independence Day – Martina Mc Bride

I saw Martina preform as a warm up for Clint Black, and not knowing her work, was blown away at her performance .

This song , is about Domestic Violence and her ” Mama’s ” response to ending spousal abuse , taking the law into her own hands , and closing out a cycle .

Burning 🔥 it down, purging .. drastic yes

It is Independence Day , as manifestations of support in endings long desired , prayed for come in as gifts .

Death to the past experiences , Thanks for lessons for learned , and finally

youtube.com/watch

Bella Luna – No walking it backwards ; Upgrades

I have received so much guidance on this that I know I must

release , more from my life , and accept that it could be forever .

Hardly supportive , positive or healing , much the opposite , and

noting words , with no action has been the response for 45 years

much to the harm done to my soul …it does rot the faith in

healing, growth and moving forward , consciously. . To the better

outcome for each individual. So I am Thankful

for all that got me here , I forgive and surrender to not walking

the path of spiritual enlightenment with everyone , but given the

light in regards to the past , of facts that I cannot and will not hold in

meaning anymore than they did . Revelation was and is and always

will be , that my role as wife and mother were my reality in a past that

exposed Hell on Earth , and ongoing effort to hold me there and or

eliminate , my truth , time after time ….I am surrendered to not

needing or desiring repeating or experiencing the words them in

the shadow… I recall the experience , was stuck for a long time ,

challenged on many levels , but I stayed focused , in between

In between challenges , that entertained the “ committee “

who ate “ too busy “ and “ not interested” to care , for over 20 years.

Over 24 years

Was it reality before that .? I thought so, I have even experienced

attempts by them to draw close , but then it’s gone, poof .

Forgiving them , frees me up, so creating more opportunities for

challenges , are put out there , and occasionally hit , UNTIL , I say

NO.

This is me saying NO..

Many years, fears, and tears brought me here, with the feeling all

my life , was I deserve better, indeed to be heard , to be seen , to

know I matter..

At the behest of Divine , and at the disturbance of “ blockers” ( who will

comprehend , justice , very soon ) to move forward , completion of

these challenging years , my dreams take root .

And I am ever ready, for the 110% peace ✌️peace, and rest that is

a major part of my personal dream…

I don’t hate them, perhaps all of this was Karmic, but understanding

all the drama and trauma that I encountered , grew my strength , self

love, self forgiveness , and discernment .

Absolutely, not walking it back…. Love our kiddos , wish the best for

the ex, and those who have tried to negatively influence my life

but as I watched , in anger sometimes, fear , or even “ what the

fuck” I witnessed the karmic lesson that was gonna find them

and how , and I didn’t want that… no revenge , just settling up

I had to accept the Free Will , and my efforts to assist them, would

not benefit my progress.

So , I release, surrender , let go… I proceed with the clearing of financial

, contracts etc ..business , but 2023 has brought me to this place

that has been seeded many years, so much loss and delay , but

so happy that Spiritually , I did not fail , and I’m assured I need not do

or say more , or hold anger , because justice is coming , not my choice

but no longer to be denied , due to Universal Law .

I let it Be …

I don’t participate

End Game 👍🔥🎁 which is not my thing … tricks and games are for

Kiddo

As was stated by our child, “All this to make you grow up “

Thank you 🙏🏼 child .. it’s an inside out job, and indeed entirely my job to do.

Blessings & Peace ,

Dona Luna 🐸☀️🌞

Personal Authority – Badmouthing the other parent .

I found myself responsible for speaking factual, unsavory information while medicated . My efforts to extract myself from his energy was ever present . Total opposites after the mirroring that he was everything , had and knew all in a non competitive way .. it was very difficult that person did not exist .

When a child hears one parent badmouth the other, or when both parents badmouth, they feel upset, anxious, angry, confused, and deeply uncomfortable. At first – unfortunately, they can grow accustomed to it. Children have attachment bonds to both parents they love and who love them. What the alienating parent is doing, with their badmouthing (lies, defamation, casting aspersions, insults etc) is damaging the child and ‘target’ parent’s relationship, whether it is wilful and completely conscious or not.

During divorce proceedings and post-divorce, parents might not be at their best. It is a highly stressful situation. Disagreements and misunderstandings can get blown out of proportion, and this isn’t helped by an adversarial legal system. But the children are also stressed at this time. What they do not need is their sense of vulnerability and anxiety being compounded by alienating behaviours such as badmouthing. It’s actually an unkind, abusive and sinister thing for a parent to do. To tell a child their other parent is unloving, unavailable, and unsafe and to repeat these aspersions until the child succumbs to them (just to make it stop) is child psychological abuse. It is traumatic.

There are subtle, covert ways the alienating parent can make the child feel they’ve lost a parent. Calling that parent by their name rather than ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ is one example. The child might start doing the same. The parent is devalued, demeaned and demoted to nothing more than a distant relative. The alienating parent may take some half-truths and exaggerate them. For example, ‘they’re lazy’ can become ‘they’re deliberately not working hard enough, so they don’t have to contribute to our financial well-being, and they’re lying about what they earn’, and ‘they don’t care about us’.

No party should disparage the other. Nor should any third party, especially within the hearing range of the child. Children should not be privy to what one parent thinks about the other. It doesn’t curb someone’s right to free speech, it’s just good parenting.

#charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienation #highconflictcoparenting #highconflictdivorce #coparentingwithanarcissist #coparenting #divorce #childabuse #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissism #narcissist #familycourt

Borderline Personality Disorder “No Longer Has a Place in Clinical Practice”

Nothing of psychiatry is based on science , and misses the reality of culture, trauma , ( hysteria) from abuse by a malignant projector in denial of their own darkness .

It’s been sexist , as a stay at home Mom, with dreams of having a business I could tailor to our children’s needs , I didn’t bother to share with a partner who had shown me , my place in the world was one of grateful slavery , did not see me, did not hear me, never ever showed that I mattered.

Labels , rather that observe the facts.. my ” histrionic ” personality were malignant abuse and Xanax over dose/ addiction , which had me break with reality .. an induced nervous breakdown ..

So much devastation and loss as a result , my recovery has been challenged many times to protect the falsehoods of those who have portrayed a highly distorted reality which demonizes the feminine and erases families.

Researchers from the UK and New Zealand argue that Borderline Personality Disorder should be abandoned as a diagnostic category.
— Read on www.madinamerica.com/2023/06/borderline-personality-disorder-no-longer-has-a-place-in-clinical-practice/