We are a nation of addicts by
grand design , lulled to sleep
under educated and fed untruths
I’m a truther and that’s cost me
the peace in life that has taught
Discoveries of ancestral shadow, and light .
Points to the horrible facts
that my paternal grandfather
had many addictions and was
highly abusive to my grandmother and their kids
He grew corn , fields of corn
He had boxes of cash in high
He pushed Granny Zola , causing her to fall and loose their son David .
He won in a divorce , accusing her of cheating
She was seen in a public place having coffee with a man
Her parents gave them 120 acres . She got nothing .
She left with the cloths on her back , Running for her life .
She was divorced in 1953. He prevailed .
The children of tender years were placed with relatives.
Her Mom died in 1953 .
She struggled for the rest of her life , various rentals etc
She was given Valium to aide her her loss , shame and awareness of the injustice .
She had 5 sons and 2 daughters
She came from at least 5 daughters and 2 sons .
She was the most loving human being on this planet !
I know I have cleared the blood lines , experiencing much of Minnie Zola’s trauma and am honored to have been in the presence of GreatGrandmother , Grandmother , in the spring of 1952 . Great Grandmother was in her heavy coat with a scarf on her head . As her 1st grandchild , by Dad I sense it was determined that day that I could and would end the shadow abuses and expose the forced addictions after living a nightmare , having that abuse supported by family , friends and church .
Dad had a very low tolerance for alcoholism and drank very little . I know he threw out Moms brother who showed up at out home after I was 12 or so.
An incident when I was younger of their being out dancing and a passionate disagreement occurred and Mom threw her rings into a patch of grass or a field . She took us back to the scene and I found it for her . I don’t recall their dancing and Honkey Tonkin after that .
Both parents smoked and that was addiction but I inherited Dad’s intolerance for alcohol but failed to be aware of mask and secret manipulation as I was triangles which was an early childhood awareness ; Mom was guarded and competitive with out cause . She did not understand the bond between Dad and I and it felt like a hole in my heart . I spoke the truth early on and got her in hot water with Dad whom she told she had quit smoking .
Emotional Partners ; not a healthy role for a child . As a medicated trauma and abuse victim I did the same injustice to our eldest child as did his Dad . Our son caught a lot of abuse due to his love for me .
I am proud to have gotten off the ” junk” RX and whole matrix of addiction legally that destroys lives or ends them .
However there was and is a lot of fallout and damage done and healing for our sons .
I have not been in the mindset to repeat any of the past and pushed through forced addictions and of feeling bound to someone who doesn’t stand beside me with an arm on my back , instead of a sword .
I’m addicted to the peace that my heart has always been a longing and my place in this world .
Recent challenges did not reverse my direction , my life long intent .
For this last major test I am grateful that so much was exposed and Krystal has helped release even more trauma which I was much better at , than times past .
Assured that I am not addicted in mind , body or spirit .
Blessings & Peace