Tag: survivors

Born to be whole

The Cost of Being the Emotional Healer in a Dysfunctional Family.

When a family system is built on silence, suppression, or survival,

someone always gets assigned the unspoken role of the healer.

Not because they were ready —

but because they were willing.

Willing to listen.

Willing to soothe.

Willing to become emotionally available in a system that gave them nothing in return.

If this was you,

you became the stabilizer.

The peacekeeper.

The one who “understood.”

You decoded moods like a second language.

You anticipated everyone’s emotional needs — while yours became invisible.

And here’s the tragic psychology of it:

In many trauma-bonded families,

the child who senses the most becomes responsible for the most.

Not by force — but by emotional delegation.

You were praised for your maturity,

not realizing that “maturity” was code for self-abandonment.

Because what they called “wise beyond your years”

was really a child performing as a therapist.

According to Internal Family Systems (IFS),

a part of you became a manager —

tasked with keeping everyone else okay

so the system didn’t collapse.

But this comes at a cost:

The healer is rarely allowed to break.

The one who absorbs becomes the one who disappears.

And the more you regulated the chaos around you,

the less they noticed the storm INSIDE YOU.

Jungian theory would call this a fracture of individuation —

when your identity becomes fused with function.

You don’t know who you are without fixing someone.

But here’s the truth they never told you:

Healing isn’t your job.

Your nervous system was never meant to be the family’s emotional regulator.

You were meant to be a child.

Not a counsellor.

Not a mirror.

Not a bandage for generational wounds.

And now that you’re older,

you don’t owe anyone the version of you that kept them comfortable.

You can set it down.

The soothing.

The translating.

The pretending you’re fine.

You’re allowed to fall apart.

To be held.

To rebuild an identity that isn’t built on being useful.

Being the healer gave you survival.

But it’s not who you are.

You’re not their anchor.

You’re not their lifeboat.

You’re not the glue that holds the dysfunction in place.

You’re the one who gets to step out of the role.

Who gets to be more than what they needed from you.

Who gets to begin again — on your terms.

You were not born to be their solution.

You were born to be whole.

Born again Wound becomes the womb ❤️‍🩹

“As people are learning all over again in the modern world, when people who will not acknowledge their own woundedness are given power, they will make new wounds and possibly wound everyone because of their need to deny their own woundedness. The word heal means to cure and specifically to make whole. It turns out that being a whole person means we have to accept our vulnerable parts, and that we have to accept and learn to face our original inner wounds. For in this old, mythological understanding, the fateful event of being wounded early in life creates the need for a deep healing process that becomes the path of awakening for each person.

The path of the wounded healer leads to a connection to the deep self within, which is our connection to wholeness, which is the root of the human capacity to heal. There’s an old idea that says that in the same way that something greater than ourselves wounds us early on, something greater than ourselves seeks to awaken through the specific wounds we carry. In that sense, denying the inner wound means also denying the presence of the deep soul or the centering self, which holds the exact medicine we are looking for.

In some mythic stories, the wound inside a person is called the sacred affliction, or the holy wound. There’s another play on words in which the wound which can be seen as a hole, can also be seen as a holy element that secretly holds the natural antidote, the inner medicine that we also brought to life.

The wounded healer is ever wounded, and ever able to find ways of healing. It’s an archetypal condition. The point has never been to become perfect, or perfectly healed, or completely whole. The point has always been to become holy. That is to say, complete with our vulnerabilities and our wounds, because the wound becomes a womb from which we are intended to be reborn again and again. And that’s why the old saying was, the afflicted are holy.”

– Michael Meade

Family Court Trauma

Adrenal fatigue is something I’ve had since the age of 5 when I was violated by an uncle ; no one knew 🥲

On average, a person living in a perpetual trauma loop due to family court abuse, parental alienation, ongoing isolation, and chronic injustice may need 2 to 4 hours every single day—just to regulate their nervous system enough to function at baseline.

And this isn’t healing time.

This is just what it takes to not collapse.

Here’s why:

• The nervous system is constantly hijacked by threat perception—court dates, false accusations, withheld children, financial strain, and the unpredictable behavior of abusive parties.

• Sleep is disrupted, digestion is impaired, and cortisol levels are chronically high—meaning the body wakes up in a state of alarm before the day even begins.

• Cognitive clarity is diminished, requiring meditation, breathwork, movement, or emotional release just to think straight.

• Energetic fragmentation from being ignored, gaslit, and silenced in a legal system designed to retraumatize requires constant repair.

For many survivors:

• It takes 30–60 minutes just to calm down after waking from anxiety-ridden sleep.

• It takes another hour of grounding practices—breathwork, walking, journaling, neuro-regulation tools—just to be able to engage in tasks or speak coherently.

• By afternoon, the body often crashes again from adrenal fatigue, needing another hour or more of emotional regulation just to avoid dissociation or panic.

• And by night, the mind races with court-induced hypervigilance, requiring intentional wind-down routines to avoid nightmares or insomnia.

All of this—before any real productivity, parenting, or healing work can even begin.

This is the invisible cost no one talks about.

Not the legal fees.

Not the time in court.

But the hours stolen from your life every single day just trying to survive the psychological warfare that never stops.

The system is not just unjust.

It is trauma-inducing by design.

And surviving it demands the energy of someone running a marathon with a broken leg—every single day.

Affirm out loud:

“I honor the energy it takes to survive this. I am not lazy, broken, or weak. I am surviving a system meant to silence me—and I will rise.”

#FamilyCourtTrauma #ParentalAlienation #NervousSystemRecovery

Missions

“Dearest Souls, you were told there would be times when you felt so tired of all that you were having to deal with. When you felt tired because there would be poisons hitting you in every way from every direction. When your Heart—that is so full of Love—would feel so depleted because all around you presents as darkness. When your Being of Light could not understand that another Human could behave in such atrocious ways to another. You were told these things, and you still agreed to come, because you knew that no matter what you had to endure … YOU COULD SEE THIS MISSION THROUGH.

“Do not beat yourself up when you have down days. Sit with them. Breathe in Love and KNOW that ALL IS WELL. IT IS … ALL IS WELL.”

~ The Federation of Light, channeled by Blossom Goodchild, Aug 16, 2025

http://www.blossomgoodchild.com/16th-august-2/

Artwork: “Exhausted” by Jennifer Yoswa