Emotional cut-off is a way of coping with unresolved issues whether it’s with parents, siblings, spouses, or anyone else. It can involve moving away or out of the home, or staying in touch but avoiding emotional issues. The trouble with emotional cut-off, such as with an alienated child, is that the problem stays dormant without being resolved. And it can go on for years. Substitutes might be found – new spouse, new friends, new job – but the same pattern/tensions might reappear. Cut-offs are effective in the short term. It’s ignoring the problem. But an unresolved attachment (to our issues) can manifest in fresh conflict, even within minutes, upon spending time together, because the old interactions and feelings remain. It can be exhausting, disappointing and upsetting. Maintaining the emotional cut-off and physical distance might feel like the easier option, but the wound just festers. And cut-offs can become habitual as a means to cope with conflict and potential harm. It makes it hard to repair the relationship between two parties. It can become like a face-saving standoff. Without communication, there’s only the victim narrative. Emotional cut-off should be quite easy to detect. The person will be indifferent, numb, and sometimes have very strong emotions if triggered.
Children should be supported and encouraged to have a relationship with both parents where this is in their best interests and safety. Where there is a parent who shows no wish to collaborate or co-parent, or who ignores custody orders, this should be flagged as a problem and as unhealthy parenting. Children flourish when they have safe, meaningful relationships with both parents and all the family who love and care for them.
My line-by-line analysis overlay of a 75-page forensic custody evaluation came out to 450 pages. I think that’s my largest one to date.
Howdy, glad to meetcha.
Holy cow. I would NOT want to be reviewed by Dr. Childress if I was a forensic custody evaluator – nope – nope – nope.
A lot of it is cut-and-paste once my responses get set – they say the same thing – so I say the same thing.
There’s only so many ways they can be ignorant – a lot – but it’s ultimately a finite number. Once they start repeating their ignorance, I start repeating my response.
So 450 pages sounds like a lot… and it is, holy cow. But it’s not as bad as it sounds, especially if you’re reading one because my repetition to their repetition flows quickly.
One down, there’s more to go. This case is involved, and there’s two in the wings I need to get to. One has bunches-and-bunches of information I need to organize, the other has less and is more focused.
I grew up watching Ed Sullivan’s variety show, there was a guy spinning plates on sticks. I feel like that, running back and forth between client stuff, keeping all the client stuff spinning.
A 450-page line-by-line for you, now let’s see what you’ve got. Back-and-forth, keep all the plates spinning through to their court dates.
Next week is my week of general public consults. It’s relatively light this month which is good, it’ll let me remain focused on my client report-writing stuff. I want to make sure I pace myself, I’m only one human.
We’ll see what happens. All I know is it’s raining anvils on their noggins. Bonk…. oooo, that’s gotta hurt.
Alienating behaviours include what’s known as parentification. Signs of this will be when a child shows signs of parenting one of their parents (the alienating one). The child knows far too much about what should be purely adult problems or concerns. Also, the child feels responsible for the well-being of the parent – a role-reversal. It could be that the child feels guilty because the alienating/aligned parent makes them feel they’ve sacrificed for the child. Or they’ve been trauma bonded through shared persecutory delusions. It is, of course, psychologically abusive. All children, especially the alienated enmeshed child, should be free to be themselves, to ‘find themselves’, to self-realise, and develop a separate identity. This is an important goal of adolescence onwards. They need love, support, encouragement, and the space to do this, which is the opposite of the control and coercion inflicted on them by an alienating parent, intent only on creating an obedient mini-me, with imprinted thoughts and beliefs.
It is not normal for a child to align with one parent over another who is ‘normal-range’, willing, loving, available. It should be something all family courts are alert to because it is a sign of parental alienation and there is pathogenic parenting going on here. It is child psychological abuse. To cope with the traumatic experience of being told terrible things about one parent by the other who also requires and coaxes that child to fear, loathe and reject their loved, loving ‘target’ parent, the child psychologically ‘splits’. It is a way of cutting off from the love they feel (that they cannot feel anymore) for the rejected parent. It seems counter-intuitive but even in abusive relationships, the victim seeks love and affection from the perpetrator. It’s Stockholm Syndrome, and ‘identification with the aggressor’ which I’ve covered in other posts. The alienated child is angry, rude, and highly critical of the ‘other’ parent. The experts should be wary of the child who has few if any good memories of the alienated parent, and has no wish to repair the relationship. Abused children want a good relationship with their abusive parent. This is hard to believe but true. The abused (alienated) child wants to downplay or deny any wrongdoing on the part of the ‘aligned’ parent, they don’t do the same with the ‘target’ parent. These are red flags.
My oh my… look what the birdies brought me… Colorado. My oh my.
It looks like Linda Gottlieb’s going down, down, down, and it looks like she’s taking Jennifer Harman and all of “parental alienation” with her. My oh my.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you, because I did. Right here on my Facebook page, I said “Holy Cow everybody, don’t use Gottlieb’s Turning Points program. She’s going to crash and burn and take everyone with her.”
I said that. Right here, I said that. Now it looks like the crash and burn part is here.
Hey, notice this. The pathogen is restricting who can testify on your behalf. I’m a testifying and consulting expert in the family courts, do the new restrictions affect me?
Nope.
From ProPublica: “The new law, which takes effect immediately, also requires experts who advise the court on custody cases to have training in working with victims of domestic violence and child abuse.”
There’s something wrong with that, does anyone notice something wrong? The order is reversed. The concern in the family courts should be child abuse and domestic violence. The order’s wrong.
I qualify as an expert under Kayden’s law. Lucky you. Otherwise, you’d be in trouble. I’m telling you, mental health in the family courts is an absolute mess – until they’re motivated to fix it.
I’m a qualified expert under Kayden’s Law. It’s right there on my vitae – I’m a trauma psychologist out of child abuse and foster care. That’s why I’m here. This is my pathology – child abuse and IPV spousal abuse using the child as the weapon.
I know exactly where I am. I’ve always known… I’m a trauma psychologist out of child abuse and foster care, of course I recognize child abuse, don’t be ridiculous.
Here’s the entry from my vitae that qualifies me as an expert in the family courts under Kayden’s law – Clinical Director for an assessment and treatment center for children in foster care.
10/06 – 6/08: Clinical Director START Pediatric Neurodevelopmental Assessment and Treatment Center California State University, San Bernardino Institute of Child Development and Family Relations
Clinical director for an early childhood assessment and treatment center providing comprehensive developmental assessment and psychotherapy services to children ages 0-5 years old in foster care. The primary referral source for the clinic was Child Protective Services. Directed the clinical operations, clinical staff, and the provision of comprehensive psychological assessment and treatment services across clinic-based, home-based, and school-based services. The clinic was a three-university collaboration, with speech and language faculty and services through the University of Redlands, occupational therapy faculty and services through Loma Linda University, and psychology faculty and clinical staff through Calif. State University, San Bernardino.
When CPS identified child abuse and placed the child in foster care, they would send the child to our clinic for assessment, diagnosis, and treatment. Have you ever assessed a 3-year-old who’s just been placed in foster care? I have.
Have you treated child physical abuse, the kids with the welts and bruises? I have. Have you diagnosed profound child neglect that destroys the brain? I have. I’ve personally treated all four forms of child abuse, and I’ve personally led the treatment teams with CPS social work involvement for children in foster care.
I’ve personally gotten moms with children into the hidden shelters that have no address, because I had access to the addresses of the IPV spousal abuse shelters for moms and kids that have no addresses. I worked behind the curtain of protection.
I’m a real honest-to-goodness trauma psychologist out of child abuse and foster care – I know exactly where I am. This is my pathology – child abuse and spousal abuse using the child as the weapon.
This battlefield is going to become intense. Wheee.
It looks like Gottlieb is spiraling down-down-down, and it looks like she’s taking all of “parental alienation” world with her, starting with Jennifer Harman. I warned you, I told you so, you should listen to the cricket. Stay in school, Pinocchio, and learn the proper knowledge to use.
Don’t listen to the Fox and Cat, don’t go to the “parental alienation” Funhouse. But do you listen? No. So then you get turned into a donkey and sent to the salt mines. Oh my goodness.
Somebody’s got to rescue you from the pathogen’s allies. But no one qualifies as an expert on your behalf… except me. I guess I’m kinda like your blue fairy. Stop being such a donkey, return to being a real person who uses real knowledge to solve the problem (pathology) in your family.
The pathogen’s tricky. It drove all the clinical psychologists away, it made all the forensic psychologists stupid, and it gave you a worthless new “parental alienation” pathology to keep you forever locked-up in continual conflict.
Then… now that “parental alienation” has finally run its course, the pathogen is now closing the trap. You’ll be trapped for a hundred years. No one will ever believe you, and you can’t tell anyone because the only “experts” you can get to speak for you are the pathogen’s allies.
Except me. La-dee-dah, dum-dee-doe, the pathogen missed me. It thought it got rid of all the clinical psychologists, and it had… except I tripped and fell down a rabbit hole, and, you see, it turned out to be quite the curious adventure. It just kept getting curiouser and curiouser.
But I’ve made it back to reality. Apparently just in time to be an expert in the family courts. I hear they’re getting hard to come by, these “expert” folks.
Seems like we’ll be losing a few soon. Bye Linda. Bye Jennifer. Good luck. Boy, I’ll bet they’re both kind of stressed out about how things are developing. I’m glad I’m not them right now, or anytime actually.
Kayden’s law is coming everywhere. If you want to get busy on your state legislators, now’s the time. The pathogen’s activated your legislators, you just need to add Eryk to Kayden so that both sides are protected from child abuse and spousal abuse (proper order).
My oh my. That’s all I can say. And maybe holy cow.
Just a heads-up from me to you, keep your head down. My oh my. Incoming. I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
Craig Childress, Psy.D. Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857
An alienating parent seeks to control the children to hurt the other parent. They lie, they twist the truth, they misinterpret events wilfully, and they say and do everything and anything to control the narrative so that your truth and your love become something the alienated child no longer trusts. This is why parental alienation is described as abuse (psychological, mental, emotional). What is even harder for you is that other people – even those who could support and protect – all too often do not recognise the lies and false allegations. Saying it rubs salt in the wound is insufficient in describing the injustice, grief pain inflicted. It is not the behaviour of a loving parent, but a fearful, controlling and/or vengeful parent who does this. It is a disordered mentality and yet this person will typically refuse counselling or collaboration. There are so many signs that should be fairly easy to spot. What we need to do is to educate those who can help us about how they can do their job and help us. Please see my red flag warning post and others for more on this.
Hi everyone, I just wanted to give an update on my last post for those who followed and commented… I ended up cancelling my flight because my dad said his family is against him seeing me and won’t let him spend time with me. He is easily manipulated and can’t take a stand of his own probably due to past unhealed wounds and I don’t blame him. His family uses his past against him to control his decisions.
We had a perfect reunion planned out but his family decided to interfere to cause an issue over him Booking my hotel so he was stuck in the middle… his daughter clearly told me I shouldn’t be coming into their lives to destroy their family…. I live 8000 miles away, how can I possible destroy their family? All I wanted was to reconnect with my father and to hear his side of the story. She told since I know his side that I should just leave him alone. She told me I’m too late to be reconnecting with him… is there a timeline to reconnect with your estranged parent if you were alienated at a young child and didn’t have the mental capacity to make your own decisions? My mom controlled most of my decisions well into adulthood, it wasn’t until she started causing issues in my own marriage that I realized I need to put a stop to this and that’s how I felt the need to hear my dad’s story.
First I was stopped by my mother and now Im being stopped by his family. His daughter told me that they gave his dad an ultimatum to choose between them or me, he needs to choose one so therefore I am currently blocked on his phone. He is obviously going to choose his current family.
Growing up and until now, I was given the same ultimatum by my mother that I can only Choose 1 parent in my life.
The worst thing you can do to any parent or child is to ask them to choose between their children or choose between a parent. That is manipulation and mental torture, do not ever do that to anyone you love.
I am heartbroken that his family has manipulated him and has threatened to leave him if he keeps in touch with me. I also made it very clear that I want nothing to do with any of the inheritance.
My dad finally messaged me on my husband’s phone and told me that from now on I should be contacting him through my husband’s phone.
Am I ever going to be able to see my dad? What else can I do to make things better for him? Please don’t tell me to walk away , I’m not willing to give up on him. I’ve already lost many years.
Judges and counsellors do not have the power to turn a narcissistic parental alienator into a decent human being who agrees it’s in the child’s best interests to have both loving parents in their life. Court orders cannot make an immature, vengeful, alienating parent put their child’s needs first, encouraging and supporting a relationship with their other parent (and all their family). This is presuming the courts and counsellors even manage to detect the alienating behaviours and act upon them to safeguard the child from further deterioration in their relationship with the loving, caring available but maligned ‘target’ parent. Often they don’t do this and stick with the status quo because of the ‘voice of the child’ (indoctrinated/alienated). Admittedly, they’ve got to work with a lot of conflicting, incomplete information, manipulation and false allegations. But they must know that narcissistic, alienating parents – the ones who have their child entirely on their side, aligned and turned against the other parent – are unlikely to co-parent, collaborate or follow court orders. Court orders rely on a parent who is capable of emotionally and psychologically abusing their child with coercive control, lies, and alienating behaviours, to suddenly do what’s right for their child, and somehow, miraculously, correct their disordered pathology and pattern of behaviours. These court orders are hopeless if they’re not legally enforced as well, and at no extra time and expense. There has to be a change in custody, a fine, or some consequence to prevent the alienating parent from wasting any more of anyone’s precious time and money, and more importantly, from prolonging, exacerbating – even condoning and sanctioning – the alienation from the ‘target’ parent.
I have tried to change my site to CPA , and will need help doing so.
I’m self taught , with some help from friends on all things computer
Am I clear? I want to be entirely clear. I agree with the American Psychiatric Association.
I’m an old-school conservative clinical psychologist. I apply knowledge, I don’t create it.
The Gardnerian PAS “experts” are a rag-tag group of misfit toys. Am I being vague? I don’t want to be vague, I want to be clear.
They reject the diagnostic guidance of the American Psychiatric Association – they think the APA is wrong and that they know more about diagnosis than the APA – and they reject the ethical guidance of the American Psychological Association – they think ethical standards don’t apply to them.
They’re wrong, they do. Ethical Standards of practice are mandatory. Ethical practice is not optional, it is required.
In 2013 the American Psychiatric Association made its determination on the diagnostic construct of “parental alienation” with the publication of the DSM-5. They said no – the APA said there is no such thing as “parental alienation”. For all professionals, that’s the end of it. That’s the end of the discussion. The APA said no, it does not exist as a diagnostic entity.
I agree 100% with the American Psychiatric Association. The construct of “parental alienation” is the worst diagnostic model for a pathology ever constructed since the beginning of time. It is awful, absolutely awful in so many ways.
The American Psychiatric Association is right. I agree with the American Psychiatric Association, there is no such thing as “parental alienation” – Childress, year 1.
The Gardnerian PAS “experts” assert that the APA is wrong. They assert that they know more about diagnosis and pathology than the American Psychiatric Association does, and they CONTINUE to use a diagnostic construct that does NOT exist in professional psychology.
In continuing to use the construct of “parental alienation” in a professional capacity, the Gardnerian PAS “experts” substantially degrade the quality of mental health services in the family courts.
The Gardnerian PAS “experts” are a fringe group of professionals who reject the diagnostic guidance of the American Psychiatric Association and the ethical guidance of the American Psychological Association.
Meanwhile, the forensic custody evaluators in the family courts are ignorant, incompetent, and unethical – and no one cares. They are simply financially exploiting the parent while solving nothing.
We need a pilot program for the family courts with university involvement for evaluation research to develop standardized high-quality diagnostic assessment and treatment protocols.
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 