Tag: abuse narcissistic behavior

Navigating No Contact – Charlie McCready

Your extended family may simply not understand you. They might believe it’s in everyone’s best interest that you reconcile with your ex-partner. ‘For the sake of the children’, they say! All they know is that you’re struggling and the children have cut off, or distanced themselves from you, and perhaps from them too. They don’t understand what’s really going on, and to be honest, most of us were blindsided by it too, having never heard of ‘parental alienation’ until it was happening to us, our partner or someone we know.⁠

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Going no contact and having unsupportive family members is not for the faint of heart. If you find yourself reading this post, know that you are taking a massively courageous step in your life. You are understanding and coming to accept this is where you’re at. Just because your family members don’t understand why you are going no contact, doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. And if they’re not willing to try to understand, it’s not your job to explain or justify yourself. You’ve got enough going on just dealing with all this. When we protect ourselves from narcissistic people, we often discover the chameleon nature of the narcissist and see how in their other relationships, they may be present yet another facade. Extended family members may know the narcissistic in your life is a pillar of the community or great fun or ‘successful’ or charming or whatever it is, but this is just the front, the Hollywood facade. This is partly why extended family members and friends may not understand it from your point of view, and may wrongly think you’re being overdramatic or selfish. You are not. You are being self-protecting. This is a huge difference. Remind yourself that those who have your back or want to understand will. Those that do not will reveal their closed mindedness or personal agenda to you. Taking care of ourselves sometimes means going against the grain. It sometimes means doing things radically differently than the status quo. It also can entail trusting our intuition over the words of others and staying firmly rooted in our boundaries. I send you courage and love. Stay strong. ⁠

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Targeted Parent – It’s not you

If you’re reading my posts, it’s probably and unfortunately, because you’ve noticed that the child you’ve had a previously loving and close, happy relationship with has become very much on the other parent’s ‘side’, things have become more black/white and divided than ever, perhaps even despite your best endeavours. Your children are aligned with them, and they’re starting to turn against you, or already have turned. They’ve started badmouthing, disrespecting, fearing, and/or rejecting you. what’s probably going on is unwarranted, abusive, psychological manipulation by the other parent inducing the child into this alliance. It is not you. It is parental alienation. ⁠

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It is the alienated ‘target’ parent who asks, ‘Is it me?’ ‘Am I the problem in thinking the other parent is the problem?’ The alienating parent does not ask this; they apportion all the blame. In their minds, they’re right. They’re the best. They’re the only one a child needs. They are, of course, deluded. A child needs both parents. A child is better off with more love, not less. More family, not less. Alienating behaviours are entirely selfish, vindictive, manipulative and abusive. The difference between estrangement and parental alienation? Estrangement This is when a child severs contact with their parent for reasons they feel are justifiable. Alienation comes about through the wilful, determined action – and coercive control – of one parent against the other, which is unjustified. ⁠

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The ‘target’ parent (not the alienating one) asks: ‘How can I make things right?’ and ‘Could I have done better?’ In hindsight, had we known about ‘parental alienation’ before it happened to us, we would have been better prepared (maybe – it would still be challenging, heartbreaking and abusive). Nothing you could have done differently is likely to have made any difference at all. The only way it would have been prevented is not to be involved with a person who has personality disorders (such as narcissistic traits) or unresolved issues that typically got triggered (by conflict, separation, divorce). You didn’t know what they were capable of doing – hurting their child to hurt, control, and/or punish you. Forgive yourself. You had done your best in extremely difficult circumstances you did not see coming. It’s usually already happening for some time by the time it’s visible to us – though often not to others, especially because the child becomes enmeshed, aligned, and trauma-bonded. Alienating behaviours involve emotional manipulation, false narratives, coercive control, triangulation, gaslighting, virtue signalling, the silent treatment, cognitive dissonance, shared persecutory delusions, projection, and hostile, aggressive parenting, and it is an attachment pathology and psychological, emotional and financial abuse. It is child psychological abuse too. It is not you.

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Vulnerability to connect with a Narcissist

This describes the process from

past and I’m so thankful

those experiences are healed

and I have no co dependent

desires

www.facebook.com/share/r/RwrMGUkjR2etKnfZ/

Waking Self

I have had lots of help in the area , as before when a big shift is headed

towards me, there is no one …meaning I have to do this myself and that

I’m ready ..

The only faith I had , in this forwards leap was our sons being awake enough to not be negative , that they would show progress in their journey and silence was total and complete .. of course , I cry , full well knowing their intent , the power play , the never ending story .

Business is clearing , many gifts have come my way , and it’s going to happen .

For this I’m shown , that the human exchange , our sons being used or willing participating in continued efforts to abuse and control emotionally .

Or it’s just a moot point, dead …

So , my tears cleanse , my heart aches and I am surrendered to what is

revealed .. last year as this , the facts are facts ..

Which leaves room, space for those who do care , who do not intend me

harm or lack , who know their heart and minds , who can logically

acknowledge the tyranny , and see their path includes healing and

forgiveness, and growth ..

It’s challenging , exactly what it’s supposed to be , the gift that allows me

to complete this mission , lacking moral normalcy or universal law .

I am Thankful for the love and support and acceptance of others and

for the opportunity to hold my truths and preference for peace .

Ending the ripple effect of abuse , neglect , that’s malicious and malignant.

Thanking my ancestors for having the faith , love and support to show

me the way…💯❤️☮️