Tag: survivors

It goes without saying they don’t HAVE to villainise their ex. That’s not the best example to set for the children, nor in the children’s best interests. But it’s often the way someone acts who has a personality disorder as alienating parents typically do.

Narcissistic alienating abusers love to play the ‘blame game’, and their rules of the game are to shift all their issues onto you. The objective is that they win, and you lose. It’s as simple as that. They can break the rules, but there will be consequences if you do. You are blamed for everything that’s wrong with them! They are chronically unwilling to see their shortcomings and will use everything in their power to avoid being held accountable. In the short-term which is all they’re thinking about, it’s easier to blame someone else, especially if they’re angry with that person, post-separation/divorce. They project. Projection is a defence mechanism used to displace responsibility for one’s negative behaviour and traits by attributing them to someone else. The projections of a narcissistic parental alienator are often psychologically abusive. All the toxic shame they may carry (hidden and denied) about themselves is projected onto the target parent. They’re experts at cheating, lying, manipulating and accusing you of doing the very thing (ie an affair, lying, manipulating, being mean with money etc) that they are doing. “It’s not me; it’s you!” Projection is a primitive defence tactic to shift the blame, attributing traits and behaviours to others that are denied personally. Look over there! Nothing to see here! Projection relieves them of feelings that they can’t tolerate in themselves. It is to preserve the ego by distorting reality. It’s reactive. They usually have no interest in self-insight or change. Don’t feed the alienator’s supply. Step back, and as far as possible, disengage. Don’t play their game. Supply yourself with the confirmation that their abusive behaviour is the problem, not you. Stay strong.

#charliemccready