Tag: relationships

Harmful Dynamic of Parental Alienation on the child

Children subjected to the harmful dynamic known as parental alienation, exhibit distinct attitudes and behaviours. They become fixated on denigrating one parent, reciting numerous grievances, and treating that parent as if they hold no value. What’s even more concerning is that many deeply alienated children express desires for the parent’s demise or disappearance. Strikingly, they do so without any accompanying guilt or remorse for their hostile behaviour. Children who have experienced physical abuse, typically fear the person abusing them, adopting a compliant demeanour to avoid further harm. They do no such thing with the alienated parent they reject because they say they’re not safe, or unwelcome in their life – with no real justification for these accusations and a previously loving relationship. Often their reasons are trivial or irrational like disliking being asked to help around the house, or not swearing, or any other reasons which do not warrant the rejection and hatred. Again, this contrasts with abused children who can offer justifiable and real evidence for their aversion.

Ordinarily, children, especially in the teenage years, hold a mix of sentiments toward their parents, including both love and loathing. However, children subjected to parental alienation often lack ambivalence. They struggle to articulate anything positive about the alienated parent while protecting the preferred (alienating, abusive) parent with whom they are aligned and being indoctrinated. During parental disputes, these children instinctively side with their preferred parent and accept without question that parent’s allegations against the alienated parent. Their expressions of criticism often mirror the aligned parent’s grievances, even if they don’t fully understand the words and phrases used. This happens despite their insistence that their rejection of the parent is solely their own decision, unaffected by the parent they have been induced to favour.

As the alienation deepens, it extends beyond just the parent. It encompasses other family members and friends on the alienated parent’s side. Even hobbies and interests. Even pets. It is ‘hatred by association’. It is irrational and yet can become powerfully ingrained behaviour. It might be a cherished grandparent who they no longer want to see. It is tragic for all involved. The only person who might be considered a ‘winner’ is the alienating parent. ‘Winner’ is not a word to describe their behaviour. ‘Abuser’ is much more fitting.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienationawareness

#childrensrights

Daughters

I am the daughter

of a daughter.

Who is the daughter

of a daughter.

Who is also the daughter

of a daughter.

Some of us are mothers

but all of us are daughters,

all birthed through lines

that weave back to

that First Mother.

All connected from

the very beginning.

All connected in the now.

Mothers,

Daughters,

Grandmothers,

Great Grandmothers,

Great Great Grandmothers.

All daughters born from

One. Original. Egg.

from

One. Original. Woman.

So why the separation?

Why the animosity toward each other?

Why the arguing and fighting,

back-stabbing and lack of support?

The next time you see another woman,

look in her eyes and see the

Ancestral Lines – the lines of women –

that lead back to you.

Where are we going Mother?

And how will we get there Sister?

By staying connected Daughter

and allowing for difference.

For we are each one,

after all,

all Daughters

of Daughters

of Daughters

of our

One Mother.

– Arlene Bailey

Unresolved Grief

Definitely: the ” Living connection ” for a Mom experiences living unresolved grief , which is the intent and mission of their non co parent .

One of the toughest things is that there’s no closure for the alienated parent. No justice. Ambiguous loss is a term that came about in the 1970s. A researcher called Pauline Boss studied military families, specifically those of soldiers missing in action. The body is not found, but until recovered, they could be alive. It can also be the case that someone is physically there but psychologically not, such as with Alzheimer’s. It is difficult to mourn in these circumstances. It is unresolved grief. Many people call the experience of parental alienation a kind of ‘living bereavement’ which describes this phenomenon. It can also be that we don’t or can’t accept our loss. Resilience and hope can help us accept our situation. Anticipatory grief is one we prepared ourselves, as we know the loss is coming, as with an Alzheimer’s patient, we lose them incrementally, while they’re still alive. And ‘frozen grief’ can make us numb and stuck. Ambiguous grief is, in a way, shapeless, and we have to make the best sense of it that we can. It is the only way. Facing up to our situation, and gaining a better understanding, is a step towards our healing, and we need to do this to lead the way for our alienated children. Focus on the love, not the loss, and the present not the past and strive to be happy, no matter what. ⁠

I have been through the trauma of alienation, and am totally invested in helping others. As well as my daily posts, I offer 1:1 coaching, and a 9-step program. Reach out if you’d like to know more about how I could help you.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#ambiguousloss

#healing

#mentalhealth

#emotionalabuse

#coercivecontrol

#gaslighting

#triangulation

Not being like the Alienating parent- Charlie McCready

Moving on from the anguish of parental alienation is a process that doesn’t happen overnight. It requires a conscious effort and resilience, as grief, injustice and anger can have a powerful hold on us, keeping us tethered to both the past and the present pain. Parental alienation is often described as a living bereavement. It’s ongoing. It’s unfinished business. But however difficult it may be, choosing to move forward is often the best course of action.

Parental alienation is profoundly isolating and traumatic, made worse by the fact that it is widely misunderstood and poorly supported. In some circles, it’s outright denied. The lack of recognition and action raises an obvious question—why is nothing being done? The reality is that the legal system, as it stands, often serves its own interests rather than prioritising the well-being of families. It operates on delay, deflection, and bureaucracy, allowing alienation to take hold while the targeted parent fights a ever steepening uphill battle. Even when alienation is recognised, enforcement is weak or non-existent.

While parental alienation may become a legal battle, at its core, it is an attachment disorder caused by pathogenic parenting—deeply unhealthy, psychologically damaging, and rooted in coercion, manipulation, and control. It is not a normal parent-child dynamic; it is an induced psychological condition that thrives on fear, guilt, and distorted loyalty.

Now, let’s talk about the alienating parent and their pursuit of revenge. This is what drives many of them. Their actions are not grounded in love or concern for the child but in a pathological need to control and punish. They draw others into their conflicts, creating division and chaos. Their wounded ego demands retribution—especially against the “target” parent, who may have exposed the truth about them or triggered their own abandonment issues. But there’s no excuse. They should be working through their issues, not destroying their child in the process. Instead, they refuse accountability. They project, manipulate, and engage in coercive control, turning their own children into unwitting pawns in their vendetta.

This is narcissistic parenting at its most destructive—erasing the child’s ability to form secure, healthy attachments and forcing them into an unnatural psychological alignment with the alienating parent. And yet, what’s striking is how these people remain stuck in a cycle. They don’t change. They don’t grow. They repeat the same toxic patterns.

Who would want to be like the alienating parent with their lives full of manipulation, deceit, and emotional abuse? Their existence is a façade, a charade built on falsehoods, and their actions perpetuate suffering for all around them. We got out of their lives, and we await our children realising why we did this and that maybe they should do the same.

Reach out if I can help you, as I’m helping many others, with the coaching I offer.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatterToo

#FathersMatter

#emotionalabuse

#emotionalabuserecovery

#parentalalienation

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#parentalalienationawareness

#narcissticparent

#childrensrights

#fathersrights

#mothersrights

#custody

#childcustody

#FamilyCourt

#custodybattle

Moms Breaking Cycles 🙌

To the moms breaking cycles they never asked to be part of.

To the ones learning how to feel, how to cry, how to forgive, all while raising babies who won’t have to carry the same weight.

I see you.

It’s not easy healing from what hurt you while showing up with love, patience, and softness for your kids.

It’s not easy being the first to say “this ends with me.”

But it is brave. It is powerful. It is world-changing.

Keep going, mama.

Every time you choose connection over control, every time you apologize, every time you pause to breathe…

You are doing the work that will ripple through generations.

And that matters more than you know.