Tag: communication

Scold’s Bridle

The Scold’s Bridle was a device used to publicly humiliate and silence women. It featured a metal plate that fit inside the mouth, pressing down on the tongue to prevent speech. This contraption was typically placed on women considered troublesome, effectively forcing them into silence and preventing gossip.

Know ur History.. #woman #wtf

Marriage is a conversation

Nietzsche once remarked that marriage is a conversation, a long dialogue. If a person is not ready to engage in such a prolonged dialogue, they are not ready for long-term close relationships. Many long-married couples have long since exhausted all topics of conversation because each spouse has stopped developing their individuality.

By focusing on individual growth, we each gain an interesting conversation partner. To halt one’s own development, even in the interest of another person, means admitting that your spouse will have to live with someone who feels anger and suffers from depression. Such marital relationships need to be radically reconsidered, or they will simply lose their meaning.

— James Hollis, The Middle Passage

Discernment

‘Perhaps you will fall in love with many people over the course of your life, but you cannot marry them all.

Some are personality infatuations.

Some represent real connections that could not be brought into being because the people were not ready or mature enough to participate effectively together.

In the moment, you will not know what is what.

So be careful about letting yourself become so infatuated with anyone.

Do not want and try to be in love.

That is blind and foolish.

There are many people who could excite the deeper passions of the heart with whom you could never function together.

You can be in love with someone whose values are so different from yours that you could not stand to be together beyond the initial romantic phase.

You will constantly be arguing, constantly in friction, constantly disagreeing, constantly maladapting to each other.

People fall in love and get married without any idea of what they are doing in their lives or where they are going.

They just assume if you are in love you should be married.

It is a great mistake.

You might feel spontaneous love for someone, but do not let yourself go overboard with that.

In relationship, you are choosing your primary influence.

You are assigning the person to be your chief influence, your chief advisor.

It is a practical arrangement, not just an emotional one.

Do not think if you work hard enough, if you love enough, you will make it all work.

This is foolishness.

You will have to work at relationship, certainly, to a degree.

You will have to adapt, certainly, to a degree.

You will have to relinquish some of your personal freedoms and recklessness to be in a real relationship, of course.

You will have to be attentive.

You will have to be honest.

You will have to be engaged.

But people take this to mean that they can make a relationship work with someone whom they want for themselves, and this is a cruel error.

To be swept along by impressions and infatuations, to allow yourself to be seduced by others, to be overtaken by beauty, wealth or charm is such a form of self-betrayal.

It is such a dangerous involvement.

It has such profoundly difficult and unfortunate consequences.

You have to be very careful here.

Who you associate with and how you associate with them has all the bearing for your life and for the kind of life you will have and the opportunities you will have.’

~ Marshall Summers

René Maltête,The Kiss, Garden of Luxembourg, Paris, 1950’s

Survivors

“Some people survive and talk about it. Some people survive and go silent. Some people survive and create. Everyone deals with unimaginable pain in their own way, and everyone is entitled to that, without judgement. So the next time you look at someone’s life covetously, remember…you may not want to endure what they are enduring right now, at this moment, whilst they sit so quietly before you, looking like a calm ocean on a sunny day. Remember how vast the ocean’s boundaries are. Whilst somewhere the water is calm, in another place in the very same ocean, there is a colossal storm.” – Nikita Gill

If you want your wife to ….

𝗜𝗙 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗪𝗔𝗡𝗧 𝗔 𝗪𝗜𝗙𝗘, 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗡 𝗕𝗘 𝗔 𝗛𝗨𝗦𝗕𝗔𝗡𝗗

1. If you want your wife to make love to you often, then take care of her heart. You cannot mistreat your wife and hurt her then expect great and frequent sex.

2. If you want your wife to respect you, then you have to do respectable and admirable things. You cannot dishonour her and shame her then expect her to excuse your gross misbehavior with a blanket respect. She can’t submit to torture.

3. If you want your wife to feel safe with you and open up to you, then you have to stop emotionally and physically abusing her. You cannot instil fear and wonder why she protects herself from you.

4. If you want your wife to enjoy intimacy with you, then you have to maintain oral and body hygiene. You cannot expect your wife to enjoy kissing you and playing with your penis yet you smell of sweat, you don’t shower, don’t brush your teeth and smell of cigarette, weed or alcohol.

5. If you want your wife to stop complaining, then you need to stop repeating the same wrongs. She complains because she has to call you out when you do wrong since she believes you can be better.

6. If you want your wife to be financially transparent with you and to stop making financial decisions behind your back, then you need to start showing financial responsibility. As long as you keep being reckless, she will save and invest without your knowledge to protect her future and that of the children.

7. If you want your wife to brag about you to people, then do things that make her proud. She cannot pretend that you are a great man yet you are not.

8. If you want your wife to stop nagging and being moody, then you need to make time to spend with her and make her feel special. A woman nags and becomes grumpy when she feels neglected. A loved up wife glows.

9. If you want your wife to stop fighting your friends, then you need to stop surrounding yourself with the wrong friends and allowing your friends to pull you away from your family. You wife is just protecting you.

10. If you want your wife to be proud to be your wife, then you have to do things that make her say “Yes” to you daily. Don’t expect her to be satisfied with the title of wife just because she wears your ring, has a marriage certificate or has your child/children.

11. If you want your wife to help you and support you, then you need to have a vision and share it with her. A woman can only be a helper to a man who knows where he is going and gives her room to build with him.

#karmasays #cctoowner

NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED

Doing the work / Relationships

I see many men doing “the work”, going into their shadows, looking actively and compassionately at their trauma.

They are coming to terms with their suppressed emotions, without losing their masculine edge, their leadership, the connection to their King energy.

In my men’s program, the brothers are stepping up, leaning in, diving deep, and surfacing with new-found energy and embodied power.

It’s glorious to witness.

I also see more and more women applauding that, being (their) man’s biggest cheerleaders, and expressing how grateful they are about him finally catching up.

I see their posts, their beautiful appraisals, their happiness and sighs of relief that they finally can lean back into their feminine.

So far so good.

Make no mistake, though, that “doing the work” and healing often goes in waves and takes turns.

Not always, though. But often.

Women challenged men to grow because of all the work they did. And men chose to take this challenge and are catching up.

And now, as men rise from their dark night or even dark years of the soul, their new brightness will shine a light on the shadows that women have avoided, denied, bypassed, deflected and ran from and this will be the next level of growth, if they choose to take the challenge and catch up.

Women call for men to grow, and then men demand from women to grow again…

It’s the process of co-creation, the universal law of cyclic evolution.

The ultimate expression of teamwork.

We only have to honor each other’s cycles and paces, be patient, and trust in each other’s abilities.

That’s how we expand, individually and as a collective.

Love is no easy path ❤️🙌

Sometimes people walk away from love because it is so beautiful that it terrifies them. Sometimes they leave because the connection shines a bright light on their dark places and they are not ready to work them through. Sometimes they run away because they are not developmentally prepared to merge with another- they have more individuation work to do first. Sometimes they take off because love is not a priority in their lives- they have another path and purpose to walk first. Sometimes they end it because they prefer a relationship that is more practical than conscious, one that does not threaten the ways that they organize reality. Because so many of us carry shame, we have a tendency to personalize love’s leavings, triggered by the rejection and feelings of abandonment. But this is not always true. Sometimes it has nothing to do with us. Sometimes the one who leaves is just not ready to hold it safe. Sometimes they know something we don’t- they know their limits at that moment in time. Real love is no easy path- readiness is everything. May we grieve loss without personalizing it. May we learn to love ourselves in the absence of the lover. ~Jeff Brown