Tag: relationships

Wait for the right one

There’s no perfect person out there waiting to be found by you. But there’s certainly those who are much better for you than others. My hope is that you choose the one who lights up when they see you and hugs you tightly when you need it most. And most of all, I hope you choose the person who gives you the support and freedom you need to fully express yourself so that you never have to suppress who you are and pretend to be anyone you re not.

~ Jillian Turecki

🎨unknown

Parental Alienation – Getting out Alive / Charlie McCready

I lived through and overcame what we commonly call “parental alienation.” Mine was (on the scale through mild and moderate) in the severe range. I endured lies, constant criticism, emotional and financial abuse, damaged property, and work suffering under the weight of the stress. For over 10 years of a so-called marriage, I faced a living nightmare. Many of us feel we can tolerate it for the sake of our children. Even if we anticipate that the madness will escalate if we leave, most of us have no idea just how far an alienating parent is prepared to go until it’s actually happening. Nor do many of us realise the weaponising and parentifying of our children may have been going on for some time already, and worse, our children are enmeshed, and don’t know they’re being psychologically manipulated and abused, and that what’s going on is disordered pathogenic parenting from the parent coercively controlling them, turning them against us. It’s heartbreaking to witness the extent of their psychological ‘splitting’ and cognitive dissonance – where they cope by viewing one parent as all good, the victim/hero, an the other as all bad, bearing the full weight of the projection and blame. It’s hard to cope with the lies, false narratives and terrible loss to ourselves, and our children (who do not even realise their loss). ⁠

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Alienating a child from a parent is psychological abuse. Alienators—whether mothers, fathers, or other family members—are abusive, destroying the natural attachment bond between a loving parent and their child. To those of you reading this because you or someone you love is enduring this tremendously challenging and needless ordeal: it can be overcome – you can survive. I did, and you can too. Focus on the present, not the past; on love, not loss. Nurturing your own well-being is essential, not only for you but also for your children. Alienated children sometimes carry a terrible burden of doubt, guilt or shame, even grief when they find out what’s actually happened. Seeing you happy, healthy, and thriving, with healthy boundaries, offers them relief and shows them the way back to a loving parent.

Whether you’re in contact with your children or not, you can get through this—and doing so is a gift both to yourself and to them. I’m here to help. My coaching is dedicated to supporting alienated mothers, fathers (sometimes with supportive partners joining us, too). Please do reach out if you’d like to learn more about the coaching I offer.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#highconflictcoparenting

#custody

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#parentalalienationischildabuse

Tell me where it hurts

I know you don’t feel safe right now.

I know it feels like the world is shifting beneath you, faster than the time it takes to find your feet.

I know how uncertain everything feels to you and how much pain you are carrying.

I could tell you that it will get better soon, that you can close your eyes and magically return to that place where everything felt okay, that from here on out it’s going to be an easy ride.

But I won’t tell you any of that because it would be a lie, and I would never lie to you.

The truth is I don’t know if it gets better soon and returning isn’t much of an option now you’ve seen what you’ve seen, now you’ve lived what you’ve lived, now you’ve lost what you’ve lost.

What I can tell you is that you are not alone. That I am right here with you and I will hold your hand for as long as it takes for you to steady yourself and as you learn how to move those feet forwards again.

It’s not easy, this life.

Some days come along and knock you down harder than you’ve ever been knocked down before. And then another comes by and does the same, and you wonder how you ever managed to get up the first time.

And it hurts. It really, really hurts.

Tell me where it hurts.

Tell me, everything. I’m listening.

Give me your language for each of your pains, your unending griefs, your tired aches. Show me your wounds and let them breathe. Allow your heart to crack wide open as you sift through its broken walls to see what still fits and if new pieces have been made.

Does any of it still fit? Has your heart changed shape and size? Does it sound the same as it beats and bleeds and bleeds?

Do you know your heart?

I don’t have easy answers for you, answers never did come easy for me, but I’ll sit with you in the questions for as long as you need; those deep unanswerable questions that live in my bones and carry me home.

So take all the time you need, love. I’m here. I’m right here with you.

( ✍️ Sarah Mariann Martland )

Art : Divmon – ‘The Power of Friendship’