Tag: Parental Alienation

Alienated children- side effects

In a previous post, ‘Hindsight is a wonderful thing,’ I received some thought-provoking comments to the question, ‘What alienating behaviours did you not realise would cause so much trouble later?’ Over the years, I’ve encountered numerous accounts of astonishing behaviour from alienating parents—actions they believed they could perpetrate without consequences and, unfortunately, often with some ‘success’. ‘Parental alienation’ is anything but ordinary, mentally healthy parenting. Sometimes/often, we’ve been provoked into responding to the trauma/damage inflicted on us/our children in ways we wouldn’t have done in ordinary circumstances. A natural response in this unnatural parenting situation can be turned against us. ⁠

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I myself saw some red flag warnings. Prior to my divorce, any sign of my apparent ‘rebellion’ or the setting of boundaries was met with the constant threat that the children would be taken away to live in another country and I’d never see them again. After the divorce, everything was done to prevent me from continuing to have a close relationship with my children, and in fact, I was told on several occasions when I asked to see them, “What children? You’ve got no f**king children, you moron!”⁠

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Here are a few comments received in the previous post about warning signs we might have overlooked or missed (for various reasons): “My ex never had a good relationship with his own family.” Some received “the silent treatment.” “There was a “lack of any long-term friendships … and her jealousy of mine.” “He was not a giving, generous, empathetic, caring person, and I chose to ignore that – BIG MISTAKE.” One commenter expressed concerns about their ex-partner’s mental health before having a kid and said, “… my ex moved out, and (the child) lived with me for five years – when he turned 14, she cut me out of the picture … I recently texted my son, saying, ‘Great job on your progress report. Proud of you. Love you.’ My ex took me to court over it.” ⁠

In ‘inverted hierarchy’, when there’s a coalition of the child and allied (alienating) parent against the ‘other’ (target/alienated) parent, the child becomes empowered to judge and punish any and all perceived failures and misdeeds. The alienated child is primed and programmed, and it’s almost in their interest to find justification for the situation they find themselves in (the sacrifice they’re making) and the ‘shared persecutory delusions’ with their ‘favoured’ parent. Unfortunately, it can be all too easy for our reactions and behaviours to be criticised and found ‘guilty’. What might otherwise be deemed natural responses to a hugely challenging, upsetting situation can unwittingly aid the alienating parent. We can be triggered. We’ve had our scars picked; our wounds kicked, and any unhealed parts of ourselves exposed and used against us. This makes it all the harder because we also beat ourselves up. So everyone is beating us up, including ourselves!

It’s not you. It’s a pathology of disordered parenting. Remember to self-care and be kind to yourself each and every day.

#charliemccready #parentalalienationcoach #9StepProgram #parentalienationischildabuse #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienation #parentalalienationisacrime #highconflictcoparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #coparenting #highconflictdivorce #divorce #familylaw #familycourt #childabuse #narcissisticfather #narcissisticmother #narcissisticparent #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissism #narcissistic #narcissismawareness #narcissists #narcissistsurvivor #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #alienatedchild #alienatedparent #alienatedfather #alienatedmother

Codependent – Charlie Mc Cready

In healthy relationships, attachment and bonding are good and natural, and we thrive. When attachments become extreme, such as with alienating behaviours, it’s unhealthy, psychologically abusive, coercively controlling, suffocating, and an infringement on sovereignty. The alienating parent needs the child to completely align with them and share their thoughts, beliefs, behaviours, and delusions. They want their child to hate/reject their ex-partner and to make them an ex-parent. As for the child, they cling to this parent because their attachment bonds with the other loved/loving parent are covertly under attack. They strongly, co-dependently attach to the apparently loving, protective, remaining parent from fear and for survival. They’ve been terrorised into this alignment with lies and manipulation. They’re weaponised against a wonderful parent and ‘parentified’ to support, please and placate the alienating victim/hero parent, and in doing this, they feel needed. It requires a huge sacrifice (their autonomy, their alienated parent), but they’re usually unaware or unwilling to believe this. They don’t see the co-dependency/alienation. But if the child rebels or challenges their alienating parent’s authority/control, they’ll discover it’s better they don’t!

Co-dependency isn’t yet considered a diagnosable mental health condition, though it is recognised as part of some patterns of personality disorders. As with alienators, people with co-dependent personality disorders fail to see if there’s anything about their behaviour that is an issue and needs help. Often co-dependency shows up in the field of addiction. I’m likening this to the alienated child because, in many ways, the child is indoctrinated into a ‘relationship addiction’ and needs to ‘get clean’. And, just as there are drug dealers hanging around outside rehabilitation centres, there are ‘flying monkeys’ and enablers around the alienated child/parent. The pusher and user are in a dysfunctional, co-dependent relationship. One gives, the other takes, but they feel they need each other. It’s a trade-off of sorts. It becomes habitual and difficult to intervene.

But the alienated child can quit the dependency. First, they must be aware of the enmeshment with one ‘good’ parent and be curious to learn more about the other ‘bad’ parent. This is why it’s crucial the alienated parent rises above the conflict as much as possible and strives to be non-reactive, happy, and emotionally/mentally strong and healthy. Be the living proof that it was projection, it was lies, it was disordered parenting the child was caught up in. It is natural for the child to want to break free of the co-dependency and control of the alienating parent. The sooner they can do this the better.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#parentalalienationawareness

#highconflictdivorce

#codependency

#codependentpersonality

#childabuse

#childcustody

#FamilyCourt

#fathersrights

#mothersrights

#alienatedparent

The Alienating Parent

The alienating parent, often exhibiting traits of a personality disorder, strategically withholds the child as a form of punishing you for perceived wrongs. This punitive action is often triggered by a variety of emotional wounds, abandonment issues, and feelings of being unloved, which may have laid dormant until the stressors of separation or divorce surfaced. Having said that, in many instances, the signs of the alienating parent’s tendencies were not completely dormant, but may have been present even before the formal separation. Perhaps you hesitate to take action, fearing the potential escalation of conflicts, knowing what you do.

The root of the alienating parent’s behaviour is multifaceted. Not only might they harbour jealousy towards you, but they may also, deep down, not feel loveable themselves, attempting to fill this (narcissistic wound) pain and void through controlling and deceitful tactics. Exposing the truth, could jeopardise the alienating parent’s control over the child’s narrative and affection, leading them to fabricate a distorted reality – creating negativity, fear and confusion around you as a parent. The alienated child, having internalised these falsehoods, becomes a conduit for the alienating parent’s thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours.

This aligned behaviour includes refusing mediation or collaborating with anything. They make life difficult. But some alienated children remember the good times before the alienating kicked in. This causes them to suffer cognitive dissonance. They can’t hold two truths in their mind. It is ‘easier’ for them to cut off. To see you and to go through therapy, to hear your version of events, can be upsetting and confusing. But keep on being the role model. Whether you have time with your child or not, focus on your life, happiness, and well-being. Being such a contrast to the person the alienating parent says you are may plant seeds in the child’s mind about what is true or false.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienationischidabuse

#parentalalienation

#cognitivedissonance

#splitting

#highconflictcoparenting

#narcissisticparent

#custodybattle

#childcustody

#FamilyCourt

Unprepared for being targeted by parental alienation – Charlie McCarthy

No one was prepared for parental alienation. But what you do next will have a big impact on your child, on you and your wider family.

Parental alienation is both complex and counterintuitive. Your own insecurities and vulnerabilities all rise to the surface as you experience an emotional rollercoaster, trying to wrestle back control of what is happening to your child and your life.

The 9-Step Program takes a complicated situation and helps you understand what you can do to help rebuild trust and the relationship with your child, deal with alienators more effectively and restore your own wellbeing. We help you to develop a new understanding of alienation and give you the tools to navigate helping your child and yourself with confidence.

This may be the best investment that you make in your child and you in 2024 – that is what parents who have completed the course constantly tell me.

Comment below or message me directly for further details of how we can transform your experience of alienation and how to enrol.

#charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienationcoach

Craig Childress-Weaponized Children – NP

Narcissistic personality pathology collapses into persecutory delusions under stress.

We know that. Let me toss some quotes at you that say exactly that. These quotes are from the Grand-High Kahuna of personality disorder pathology, Theodore Millon.

From Millon: “Under conditions of unrelieved adversity and failure, narcissists may decompensate into paranoid disorders.

“…decompensate into paranoid disorders…”

From Millon: “Owing to their excessive use of fantasy mechanisms, they are disposed to misinterpret events and to construct delusional beliefs.”

“…construct delusional beliefs…”

From Millon: “Unwilling to accept constraints on their independence and unable to accept the viewpoints of others, narcissists may isolate themselves from the corrective effects of shared thinking. Alone, they may ruminate and weave their beliefs into a network of fanciful and totally invalid suspicions.”

“…fanciful and totally invalid suspicions…”

From Millon: “Among narcissists, delusions often take form after a serious challenge or setback has upset their image of superiority and omnipotence.”

“…delusions often take form…”

From Millon: “They tend to exhibit compensatory grandiosity and jealousy delusions in which they reconstruct reality to match the image they are unable or unwilling to give up.”

“…reconstruct reality…”

From Millon: “Delusional systems may also develop as a result of having felt betrayed and humiliated. Here we may see the rapid unfolding of persecutory delusions and an arrogant grandiosity characterized by verbal attacks and bombast.”

“….rapid unfolding of persecutory delusions…”

We know that narcissistic pathology collapses into persecutory delusions under stress. We know that.

So? Is there a shared (induced) persecutory delusion created in the child by the pathogenic parenting of a narcissistic-borderline-dark personality parent?

Did you even look?

In all cases – all cases – of severe attachment pathology surrounding court-involved custody conflict, a proper risk assessment for child abuse needs to be conducted to the appropriate differential diagnosis for each parent.

Is there a shared (induced) persecutory delusion?

Is there a false (factitious) attachment pathology imposed on the child?

Is there Child Psychological Abuse (DSM-5 V995.51)?

Is there Spouse or Partner Abuse (DSM-5 V995.82) of the targetd parent by the allied parent using the child as the weapon?

Did you even look?

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

Deflection – Charlie McCarthy

Self-awareness is healing, but it’s unlikely an alienating parent cares about this. They prefer to deflect. But without seeing ourselves clearly, and instead, putting all the blame on others, we don’t move on/heal. In relationships we are mirrors.

If someone says or does something that triggers us, we might react by pushing it away, ignoring it, denying it, or turning it back onto the other person – deflection. It’s a coping mechanism like a shield protecting the ‘deflector’ from painful memories, thoughts or emotions. Projection is not when a person sees something in themselves they don’t like as opposed to seeing it in others so they project it out onto others (the cheating person who doesn’t like cheating in others, and excuses themselves). A person who wants to deflect something said about themselves might even say that person is projecting. It’s tricky stuff! It’s all about denial, and not being responsible or accepting blame, and not taking on board any shame or guilt. As an example, a child gets into drugs while living with one parent who blames it on something the other parent did or didn’t do. These people – alienating parents – cannot bear to see themselves in a bad light. Everything must be someone else’s fault. There are deep wounds going on here. The opposite of deflecting is reflecting. Those mirrors again. Seeing ourselves in a clear light, warts and all, as they say. Not looking to deflect any wrongdoings onto someone else to hurt them instead of protecting our own unhealed wounds. But this is what the alienating parent does. Probably if you’re reading this, you’ve been on the receiving end of this, and you are willing to do the work of self-reflection and healing. It’s near impossible to have a truthful, authentic, close relationship with someone who deflects. In most relationships, it’s usually a case that ‘it takes two’ and no one person can have 100% blame. The alienating parent wants the ‘target’ parent to take 100% blame. It’s just not true. They should take a long, hard look in the mirror.

Charlie McCready – Gone Girl

Gillian Flynn’s “Gone Girl” provides a chilling psychopathic portrayal of Amy Dunne, a character who exemplifies traits such as lack of remorse, dishonesty, cunning and striking charm as she weaves an intricate web of deceit. Her intricate planning, patience, and calculated approach reveal a misuse of self-regulation, as she meticulously observes and collects information about her husband’s behaviour for the purpose of revenge and malevolent manipulation. Amy’s masterful manipulation of victimhood grants her immunity from criticism, enabling her to receive compassion and support from others.⁠

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Criminal masterminds in literature and film, like Professor James Moriarty, Hannibal Lecter, Frank Underwood, and Tom Ripley are morbidly fascinating. If any of these masterminds, including Amy Dunne, were to undergo a character assessment using the VIA Survey (Value in Action), they’d probably score highly on traits such as ingenuity, patience, perseverance, keen observation skills with an ability to collect information for the purpose of revenge.⁠

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The fictional characters show us that sometimes false allegations are not impulsive acts but result from meticulous planning and patient execution. It’s challenging to contemplate the darker aspects of human behaviour when it’s real and not fictional, and the lengths to which some are willing to go for revenge, control, or the destruction of others. As with alienating parents, the presentation of victimhood, their planning, and emotional manipulation and psychological abuse is (in cases other than ‘mild’ alienation) a highly organised and orchestrated process. ⁠

#charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienation #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienationischildabuse #highconflictcoparenting #coparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #highconflictdivorce #divorce #familylaw #familycourt #childabuse #psychologicalchildabuse #narcissisticparent #narcissisticfather #narcissisticmother #narcissism #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticrelationship #narcissist #narcissistic #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #alienatedchild #alienatedparent #alienatedfather #alienatedmother

Craig Childress Psy.D. – Pathogens/PA

Any pathogen watchers out there?

I know there’s some who see it moving. Let me point out something interesting. The pathogen is moulting like an insect.

It’s shedding it’s shell to take on a new one. The old shell was PAS (“parental alienation”) created by its “rebel alliance” minions. It’s shedding that now because PAS “parental alienation” is no longer useful.

The pathogen is moulting the PAS shell into its new shell from its forensic psychologist minions. It’s been trying out Resist-Refuse Dynamic (RRD) and Parent-Child Contact Problems (PCCP) as its new PAS – an entirely made up thing with no diagnostic indicators.

The new RRD and PCCP are even worst than PAS was, how can that be possible? At least PAS had 8 horrible almost symptoms, RRD and PCCP have no symptoms whatsoever.

The pathogen can’t think. Have you ever seen something that can’t think make a decision? Wanna see?

The pathogen can’t think, the unresolved trauma-anxiety in their networks shuts down the frontal lobe executive function systems of linear-logical reasoning in favor of emotional-associational thinking. It’s stupid. It can’t reason. It’s a stupid pathogen.

That’s a tell on its presence, the absence of linear-logical reasoning. It actually is a stupid pathogen.

Do you know how it decides? That’s interesting. It has allies try out options and then sees which one gathers more minds to it and it adopts that one. It’s decision-by-others.

‘Cause it’s stupid. It can’t reason. It uses reasoning in the world to figure out which option it should use. It’s a stupid pathogen.

It’s deciding between Resist-Refuse Dynamic and Parent-Child Contact Problems as the new unicorn of mythological pathology.

But that’s not the interesting thing for the pathogen watchers. As interesting as decision-making by a mind worm thing might be, that’s not THE interesting thing that I want to note.

Note this… where is the uproar over the made-up Resist-Refuse Dynamic and Parent-Child Contact Problems like there was for the made-up PAS and “parental alienation”?

Notice how silently the pathogen is changing its shell from one to another. It created the conflict about PAS this whole time because it wanted the conflict. It doesn’t want conflict now… it wants us to simply accept its new transformation, its new shell.

Where are the calls for “peer-reviewed research” regarding Parent-Child Contact Problems and Resist-Refuse Dynamic? Silence. Complete silence.

Do you find that odd? I do.

Where are the allegations that Parent-Child Contact Problems and Resist-Refuse Dynamic represent “junk science”? Silence. Complete silence.

Do you find that odd? I do.

Where are Kelly-Frye and Daubert applied to Resist-Refuse Dynamic and Parent-Child Contact Problems? Silence. Complete silence.

Do you find that odd? I do.

The pathogen’s moulting. Last time it wanted the conflict. This time it wants us to simply accept it… so it doesn’t use its allies to generate conflict.

It’s a mind-bug and its changing its exo-skeleton, its shell, its cover, its mask of appearances. It’s a viral mind-bug insect-like thing and its moulting.

If you can see the pathogen moving, take a look in forensic psychology and you’ll see a mind-worm bug thing moulting from “parental ailenation” to “parent-child contact problems” and “resist-refuse dynamic”. I don’t think its “decided” which yet.

It’s a coherent set of damage in the attachment networks of the brain, a motivational system, and it makes us do stuff we don’t realize we’re doing… called “unconscious” stuff because we’re not conscious of our motivations – the mind-bug within us is pulling the strings and we’re dancing.

Ahhhh, get it out. Step on it. Holy cow. What is that thing?

Trauma. And it can’t process its grief. It’s the trans-generational transmission of trauma through the distorted parenting that the unresolved trauma creates.

Once you see it, you see it.

And you can’t un-see it once you see it. It’s moving. It’s moulting. It’s changing its shell, its outer mask of appearances.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857