Here’s a tid-bit for any of you playing along at home…
In my reports for the court, when I introduce the pathology of the allied parent I’m leading with a “dark personality” – Dark Triad for the pathological fathers, and Vulnerable Dark Triad for the pathological mothers.
Note: the dark personalities are “sub-clinical” – meaning they are not a formal diagnosis but a research identified set of associated malevolent personality characteristics.
So my tip is to lead with “I’m worried my ex- has a dark personality.”
What’s that?
“Its a set of particularly malevolent personality traits.”
That’s it – that’s as far as you should go, let them google: dark personality and find out the rest for themselves.
HOWEVER… arm yourself with knowledge about the your ex-‘s variant.
Dark Triad:
From Giammarco & Vernon: “First cited by Paulhus and Williams (2002), the Dark Triad refers to a set of three distinct but related antisocial personality traits: Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy. Each of the Dark Triad traits is associated with feelings of superiority and privilege. This, coupled with a lack of remorse and empathy, often leads individuals high in these socially malevolent traits to exploit others for their own personal gain.” (Giammarco & Vernon, 2014, p. 23)
Vulnerable Dark Triad
From Bonfá-Araujo & Schermer: “The Vulnerable Dark Triad (VDT, i.e., Factor II psychopathy, vulnerable narcissism, and borderline personality) was proposed >10 years ago as a counterpart to the Dark Triad (i.e., narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism; Paulhus & Williams, 2002), combining socially undesirable behavior and emotionally vulnerable traits (Miller et al., 2010). This interplay of vulnerable behaviors can lead to complex patterns of emotional instability, a fragile sense of self, relationship difficulties, and manipulative tendencies (Gamache et al., 2023).” (p. 1)
Dark Tetrad
From Book et al: “Recently, everyday sadism has been added to the Triad (Buckels, Jones, & Paulhus, 2013), characterized by the enjoyment of cruelty in everyday life. Its conceptual overlapwith other dark personalities serves as an impetus for including it in the study of evil behaviors in the form of a Dark Tetrad (Buckels et al., 2013).”
Dark Triad: narcissistic – psychopathic – extremely manipulative
Vulnerable Dark Triad (VDT) – vulnerable narcissism – extremely manipulative – borderline.
Dark Tetrad: add sadism to the Dark Triad.
From Bonfá-Araujo & Schermer: “It should be noted that just like the Dark Triad (Paulhus & Williams, 2002), the VDT’s three traits should be considered subclinical versions of the disorders and that behaviors associated with these traits do not reach the intensity or presence to warrant a clinical diagnosis of the disorder.”
I’d recommend avoiding the “narcissistic” and “borderline” labels – these are contained in the Dark Triad and VDT – use darks instead.
“I’m concerned that my ex- has dark personality characteristics, and that he’s using the child as a weapon of spousal abuse against me in retaliation for the failed marriage and divorce.”
“I’m concerned that my ex- has dark personality characteristics, and that she is creating false pathology in the children to meet her own emotional and psychological needs.”
That’s as far as you go – let the mental health person or court take it from there about what your dark concerns are.
For targeted moms, emphasize the spousal abuse (by a Dark Triad – Dark Tetrad). For targeted dads, emphasize the mother’s distorted thinking and perceptions (from unresolved trauma).
I’ll be leaving the diagnostic domain of personality disorders (DSM-5 narcissistic-borderline) and entering the research domain of the dark personalities.
I’m turning – I suggest you turn with me into the darks as your (limited) description of the pathology in your ex-s.
Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist,
WA 61538481 – CA 18857
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 