A favourite tactic of abusers is DARVO which stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse the Victim and Offender. This tactic is widely used by abusers and doesn’t only apply to sexual offenders.
Jennifer J Freyd at the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences, Stanford Univerity has drawn attention to the phenomenon of DARVO amongst wrongdoers with a particular focus on sexual offenders.
In my experience any manipulative character (psychopath/sociopath/narcissist) will engage in this manoeuvre when challenged over their behaviour. This applies in settings ranging from the home to the court room to the societal scale.
Abusers have learned to adopt what is sometimes known as the “complementary moral defense” to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. In adopting this “defense” which is more of an offensive manoeuvre, they adopt the infallible righteous position and attempt to locate all badness outside of themselves in an attempt to maintain dominance…
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It is quite common for a male abuser to claim to be the perfect father and accuse his ex-partner of trying to alienate the children. In reality he is only interested in continuing to control his ex-partner and uses the children to abuse by proxy [my own opinions and experience, always take legal advice]
When you break up with a man with psychopathic traits, especially if you initiate the breakup, in the words of Profesor Dr. Iñaki Piñuel, an expert on relationships with psychopaths, you need to prepare for a “nuclear winter” that lasts for years.
Psychopaths see the breakdown of the relationship as a challenge to their dominance. You belong to them and you have their stuff (the kids). They would rather destroy you than allow you to escape their control.
The following is based on my own experience of leaving a man with psychopathic traits but I have…
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A double bind is a no-win dilemma in which to avoid circumstance A you must take an action resulting in another circumstance B, which is also harmful. There is no route you can take to avoid the initial traumatic circumstance without engendering another.
Double binds are used deliberately in torture situations to break victims psychologically. They are also very common in custody disputes against abusive personalities. The following are based on my personal experiences in a custody dispute with a man with psychopathic traits:
Double Bind 1
You feel guilty, blame yourself for his behaviour, and are easily convinced to give him more chances but he abuses you more and creates more chaos. He confuses you and tells you it is all your fault. You fall further under his control due to his threats and have even more trouble setting strong boundaries. By trying to appease him, this gives him…
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We ARE strong, we ARE centered, and WE are loving people with empathy that got pulled into the dysfunctional chaos of emotional and psychological abuse from of a Narcissist’s dark world and lack of a REAL identity. Through all of this we lost ourselves. We gave up so much of who we are trying to reconcile things, fix the many wrongs we were blamed for, as well as constantly pacifying the Narcissist. We were smothered by this connection with a Narcissist. Unfortunately, we learned the hard way that his/her needs and demands were unending and none of this was about ANY type of normal love, a normal bond, or any type of a relationship beyond the Narcissist’s needs – and it was destructive to all of us at so many levels. We never had a place in the Narcissist’s world beyond what we could give and what they took from…
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Detached parenting , has failed . Uncle/Brother/Friend has failed.
Opposition has failed .
Attachment is the correct path , yet C-PTSD has been labeled
as everything but what it is..Prescriptive , mind altering, soul
snatching , physically debilitating does not being to heal
and ignoring it is not working .
If trauma and the subsequent lack of connection sets the stage for addiction, could restoring connection be the solution?
— Read on upliftconnect.com/opposite-addiction-connection/
Contrary to what many think, obstruction of child visitation isn’t just a civil matter, it’s a crime. A mother we will refer to only as Claudia to protect the identity of her sons, said history is repeating itself. “I went from having a healthy relationship with loving a boy, two boys to having no visitation,” Claudia said. She began losing contact with her oldest son after one of his trips to California to visit his dad when he was a teenager.
— Read on news4sanantonio.com/news/trouble-shooters/child-custody-interference-is-a-crime-in-texas