Tag: trauma

Just takes 1 alienating parent to destroy a child’s happiness

The alienating parent seeks to lead and control. Their behaviours are incredibly selfish; they put their needs above everyone else’s, including their children. A healthy-minded, loving parent doesn’t do that, and most of us couldn’t have imagined anyone would be that cruel. We know children love and want both parents in their lives (until the campaign of denigration kicks off, usually triggered by separation/divorce). It takes us by surprise how much the alienating parent simply doesn’t care. Vengeance and ‘winning’ is more important to them. Typically, they are cluster b personalities (histrionic, borderline, narcissistic ..)

It can be argued, by some, that parental alienation does take two because without the ‘other’ there can be no triangulation. Some also suggest that we should have known better or had higher self-worth, or been less empathetic, kind-hearted, patient or tolerant.

But the simple fact remains; one parent alienates the other parent. It takes just one person. And they harm and destroy many with their actions. They know the moves because they’re highly manipulative. BUT when you empower yourself with an understanding of their behaviours, and the pathology behind it, you can learn to predict their next move, and even be one step ahead.

If you like our posts, please help us help others by sharing our posts to other people and sites. My mission is to spread awareness about parental alienation, inform and uplift. We’re also on Instagram, and we’d love you to follow us there too.

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The Personal Authority 9 Step Program helps my clients understand and deal with their alienated child/ren, the alienating parent, plus how to overcome the mental and emotional issues that they experience. This program can help transform your experience of alienation and how you live your life. Typically people experience a change in mindset after a few weeks. Please send me a message if you are interested to know more, and I can send you testimonials and further details on what the program covers and the benefits you could gain.

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Forgiveness- Jeff Brown

Forgiveness is not a concept. It’s a process. And, if you choose not to forgive at the end of that process, it doesn’t mean that you are unhealed. It doesn’t mean that you are a lesser human. It doesn’t mean you are not spiritual or evolved. It doesn’t mean you will come back in the next lifetime to live it out again. It may just mean that forgiveness is not actually in your integrity. The assumption that forgiving the abuser is the benchmark of a completed emotional and karmic process is the mistake. The real benchmark of resolution is whether you have gone through your emotional process authentically and have arrived at a place where the negative charge around the experience has dissipated. Perhaps you will learn some lessons, or perhaps you will eventually be legitimately liberated from the memories. Perhaps you will work it through so completely that you have very little energetic charge around the events. Or perhaps you will actually realize that forgiveness is not essential to your healing, and not your responsibility. The point is that focusing on our responsibility to forgive a wrongdoer sidetracks the whole process. Your sole responsibility is to arrive at whatever destination is true to you.

Knowledge is key to eradicating the pathogen in Child Psychology Abuse via Narcissist – Childress

Childress – 2015: Allies: Binding Sites of Ignorance

“The third defensive meme-structure of the pathogen is to seduce and employ allies. It exploits allies to both enact the pathology (primarily the ally of the child, but also at times extended family such as step-parents or grandparents), and also to disable threats that might interfere with the pathogen’s ability to enact the pathology.

Because it seeks to remain hidden as its primary defense, the pathogen seeks “binding sites of ignorance” which don’t see the pathogen, and which it can then turn into allies to enact the pathology or disable efforts to interfere with the pathology.

The pathogen uses the ignorance of others as its primary means to remain hidden.

Our primary weapon is therefore knowledge, which we will use to expose the pathogen.” (Childress, 2015)

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

Dark Triad- Childress

The Dark Triad – the Vulnerable Dark Triad – and the Dark Tetrad are extremely malevolent humans.

The Dark Triad is 1) narcissistic, 2) psychopathic, 3) Machiavellian manipulation.

The Vulnerable Dark Triad is 1) vulnerable narcissism, 2) borderline, 3) Machiavellian manipulation.

Add sadism to the Dark Triad to become the Dark Tetrad – described by Book et al. as the “core of evil.”

The dark personalities are in the family courts and they are savaging the lives of the children, dark personality parents destroying their children for the dark purposes of a pathological parent.

The children are groomed by the pathological dark parent, the children are seduced and they surrender to the Machiavellian manipulation. The child is captured, the child is lost in the psychological abuse from a pathological parent.

Our goal is to protect all children from all forms of child abuse 100% of the time. In all cases of court-involved custody conflict involving severe attachment pathology displayed by the child, a proper diagnostic risk assessment for possible child abuse needs to be conducted to the appropriate differential diagnosis for each parent.

This is child abuse. This is spousal abuse using the child as the weapon. We must protect the child. We must protect the targeted spouse-and-parent from abuse by the pathological parent using the child as the weapon.

Children are not weapons. Children should never be used as weapons by one parent against the other.

The absence of empathy is the capacity for cruelty – the capacity for cruelty is evil – Baron-Cohen.

Baron-Cohen, Simon (2011). The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty. New York: Basic Books.

The dark personalities are at the core of evil – Book et al.

(Evil) – Book, A., Visser, B.A., and Volk, A.A. (2015). Unpacking ‘‘evil’’: Claiming the core of the Dark Triad. Personality and Individual Differences 73 (2015) 29–38.

(Evil) – Book, A., Visser, B.A., Blais, J., Hosker-Field, A., and Methot-Jones, T. (2016). Unpacking more “evil”: What is at the core of the dark tetrad? Personality and Individual Differences, 90, 269-272.

The dark personalities are in the family courts and they are savaging the children.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.

Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

Inherited Bequests Trauma for a child – Craig Childress PsyD

From Shaw: “Exposure to parental narcissistic pathology constitutes cumulative relational trauma, which subverts the development of intersubjective relating capacities in the developing child. This trauma is inherited and bequeathed intergenerationally.” (p. 46)

Shaw, D. (2010). Enter Ghosts: The loss of intersubjectivity in clinical work with adult children of pathological narcissists. Psychoanalytic Dialogues, 20(1), 46-59.

The pathology in the family courts is parental narcissistic-borderline-dark personality pathology. As professionals, both legal and mental health, we need to know where we are.

When we work in ADHD, there’s a set of factors that become part of the picture for that pathology, impulsivity, school behavior problems, medication trials. When we work autism there’s a set of factors that become part of that picture, ABA, special ed at school, sensory regulation.

When we work in the family courts surrounding high-conflict custody litigation, there’s a set of factors that are part of the picture. Parental narcissistic-borderline-dark personality spectrum pathology is a primary defining factor of the pathology.

In the family courts, we’re into the personality disorder spectrum of pathology – narcissistic-borderline-dark personalities; the Dark Triad, Vulnerable Dark Triad, Dark Tetrad.

The pathology in the family courts is a trauma pathology rippling through the family from prior generations. The trauma is currently contained in the personality pathology of the parent. The trauma pathology is being transferred intergenerationally to the child (Shaw, 2010).

The symptom of the trans-generational trauma is the attachment pathology in a parent-child bond. We know it’s a trauma pathology by the severity of the symptoms – trauma adds the adjective “extreme” to any symptom.

Extreme sadness, suicidality – trauma
Extreme anxiety, panic – trauma
Extreme anger, rage – trauma
Extreme behavior, out of control – trauma

When “extreme” is added to any situation, we’re in a trauma pathology. If you’re working with trauma pathology, you MUST know van der Kolk and complex trauma.

van der Kolk and others offer training for professionals in trauma and child development understanding related to complex trauma. Parents, you can take these courses as well. Knowledge is a wonderful thing to have.

NICABM Training
https://www.nicabm.com/

I’m a trauma psychologist out of foster care. I’ve worked child abuse and trauma up-close and personal. I know child abuse. I understand what trauma does.

I’ve also taken the courses offered through NICABM and placed them onto my vitae. I’m a role-model. I’m not an expert, I’m basic competence. If you’re working in the family courts… you should know as much as me.

If you’re working with child abuse and trauma and you don’t know as much as Dr. Childress does about child abuse and trauma, why not? Are you just lazy? Must be. Or don’t you think knowing what you’re doing is necessary to what you do?

Do you think you’re entitled to be ignorant?

You should know more than me. I’m the baseline, I’m the floor not the ceiling. I’m basic competence.

The lives of these children in the family courts hangs in the balance of our professional knowledge and competence. They deserve the highest caliber of professional knowledge and competence.

The highest.

The decision before the court is hugely momentous for determining the future life-course for a child. The court deserves the highest caliber of professional knowledge and competence to assist in its decisions.

The highest.

We have obligations. If that’s too hard, if you don’t want to be the best there is, then go work somewhere else, don’t come to the family courts. Here… we have obligations.

Bowlby – attachment. Know it.

Minuchin – family systems. Know it.

Beck – personality disorders. Know it.

van der Kolk – complex trauma.. Know it.

DSM-5 – know it – use it. Diagnose the pathology – V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse; V995.82 Spouse or Partner Abuse, Psychological. Protect the child. Protect the parent.

We have obligations. The pathology in the family courts is a trauma pathology – narcissistic-borderline-dark personality pathology transferring trauma intergenerationally to the child through the pathogenic parenting that unresolved trauma creates.

In all cases of severe attachment pathology surrounding child custody conflict, a proper risk assessment for possible child abuse needs to be conducted to the appropriate differential diagnoses for each parent.

Google negligence: failure to take proper care in doing something

Trauma is pattern. Pattern repeats itself. Until we stop the trauma from repeating itself – we must protect the child.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857