Tag: consciousness

Stop Running

Friend, I don’t know how to help you.

I don’t know how to take away your pain.
I don’t know how to remove your heartache, your fear, your sorrow, the longings that burn deep inside.

I have known these visitors.
I have never found a way to annihilate them in myself.
I am as broken and as lost as you are.
My answers have crumbled too.

Yes, I know the yearning and loneliness you speak of.
I ran from my pain for years. I tried every fix, every solution, every addiction.
I tried to drink my loneliness away, sex it away, eat it away, meditate it away.
I tried to surround myself with people to distract myself, became addicted to people and still the loneliness haunted me.
I tried to hypnotise myself with religion, spirituality, dogma, belief and false hope.
There were times I came close to suicide; sometimes that seemed to be the only answer.
I tried to medicate away my loneliness, ignore it, bury myself in work and useless activity.

“Just keep moving”, I begged myself. “Don’t stop”.

Loneliness banged on the door in the middle of the night.
I heard her cries in my daydreams and nightmares.
I ran until my feet were bloody and raw.
I ran until I could not run anymore.

And then, life forced me to stop.
Through illness, through exhaustion, through the sheer pain of running.

It was only when I stopped… that true healing could begin.
I turned towards my loneliness and let it fill me up.
I thought I would die, but at the heart of loneliness I only found love, and more life, and more light.
And a deeper connection to the Divine.
And near-unbearable compassion for my fellow brothers and sisters.

The ‘darkness’ within me had only been a lost child, longing for love.
She was lonely for me.
She had been waiting.

It was a beautiful reunion.

Now, loneliness and I live together, as One.
We breathe together. Walk in the meadows together. Sit under the sky and laugh and weep.

I have found my love in the darkness.

Now, friend, I sit with you.
Still. Present. Here.
I see your fear, your exquisite brokenness, your yearning heart, and I bow to these gifts, these strengths of yours.
I trust your ability to meet yourself.
I have lost all interest in fixing you.
I don’t know how to help you.
But in your “helplessness”, a fire of healing!

I cannot fix you, no.
But I can love you
as much as I love myself,
which is a lot.

  • Jeff Foster

Family who view you as having no meaning in their life

Your toxic family members do not view you has holding ‘meaning’ in their life. They view you as someone who is or isn’t “useful” to their life. Love isn’t a consideration because love is not something severely character disordered people feel.

To only be valued for your usefulness sets you up to ‘earn’ love that should not have to be earned. Yet, ironically, your family members will not feel as if they have to earn your love. They feel entitled to your love

This hypocrisy is exactly what makes them poisonous.

Hold the mindset that it is not your job to become lovable through being useful. This idea sets you down a self-destructive path of learning to over-function to “earn your way” through life.

Over functioning is a form of self-neglect. A pattern that can be more easily overcome by setting the necessary boundaries on those who demand your usefulness.

Angel Message : Walk away from drama , trauma

The Angels say that when you find yourself suddenly on stage in the personal drama of another and are playing a role you didn’t audition for, it can be difficult to get off of that stage and out of the drama. It is wise to just walk away rather than engage. Don’t be a sympathizer or giver of advice to the chronic complainers. Don’t fight back with those who would attack you in some way. You waste so much energy doing this and nothing is gained by either party. Just walk away. Walk away not in anger or fear. When you don’t feel guilt or fear as you walk away, you are non-judgmentally refusing to let them drain your energy or pull you into that black hole that is their life. You are exhibiting not only courage but wisdom and compassion. Your Angels stand by you when you need help to not be influenced or intimidated by their negativity. Walk away with love in your heart and with a smile tell them that you don’t think you can help them at this time. By removing yourself from another’s negative force field you are creating a different vibration. They may not like the message you give them but they will get it.