Your toxic family members do not view you has holding ‘meaning’ in their life. They view you as someone who is or isn’t “useful” to their life. Love isn’t a consideration because love is not something severely character disordered people feel.
To only be valued for your usefulness sets you up to ‘earn’ love that should not have to be earned. Yet, ironically, your family members will not feel as if they have to earn your love. They feel entitled to your love
This hypocrisy is exactly what makes them poisonous.
Hold the mindset that it is not your job to become lovable through being useful. This idea sets you down a self-destructive path of learning to over-function to “earn your way” through life.
Over functioning is a form of self-neglect. A pattern that can be more easily overcome by setting the necessary boundaries on those who demand your usefulness.