Tag: abuse narcissistic behavior

Weaponized Children – Charlie McCready

Emotionally self-harming behaviour in an alienated child, driven by the coercive control of a disordered, alienating parent, reflects the painful clash between their genuine affection for a targeted parent and the manipulated negative perceptions imposed by the alienator. This internal conflict, known as cognitive dissonance, creates distress and confusion as the child tries to reconcile their love for the targeted parent with the false narrative they’ve been coerced into accepting. This conflict not only impairs their emotional well-being but also impacts their neurological functioning. Negative thinking patterns about a parent they love can distort their brain’s perception of reality, disrupting healthy neural pathways and perpetuating emotional distress, ultimately compromising their overall emotional development.

Coping mechanisms for these detrimental effects involve a range of approaches, some of which are positive and constructive, while others might be less so.

Therapeutic interventions that promote critical thinking, self-awareness, and emotional regulation can play a pivotal role in helping the child navigate their conflicting emotions. Encouraging them to express their feelings openly and safely explore their emotions within a therapeutic setting can gradually help untangle the web of manipulated beliefs.

Additionally, nurturing healthy relationships with extended family, friends, and professionals who provide unwavering support and encourage positive interactions can serve as protective factors against the emotional self-harm imposed by the alienating parent’s control. Engaging in creative outlets, physical activities, and hobbies that offer a healthy way to release emotional tension and boost self-esteem can also contribute to their overall well-being. However, it’s essential to recognise that not all coping mechanisms are beneficial; some children might turn to negative coping strategies like alcohol or drugs to numb their pain, which can further compound their emotional challenges and hinder their growth. Thus, providing guidance and support to help them choose healthier ways to manage their emotions becomes paramount in their healing journey.

My posts are here not to alarm or upset but to spread awareness about what’s known as ‘parental alienation’ and to provide guidance to those who are going through it, as I did myself. Apart from these daily posts, which I hope help you know you’re not alone, and to better understand it’s an attachment disorder, a pathology, it’s not you; please reach out if I can help with the coaching I offer.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#childrensrights

#mothersrights

#fathersrights

To someone who hurt someone so deeply

Who left trauma that was negated, who wasn’t accountable, who knows exactly what they did, and whose true colours and who you really are were revealed in the way that you showed no remorse at all for what you know you did.

Who showed no empathy, and no compassion for how you made the person who loved you and was dedicated to you feel.

Here’s what you need to understand…

They don’t want to meet you again.

In fact, they never even want to hear your name ever again.

They don’t even want to cross paths with you, even if by some miracle you do realise that you need to change and you end up becoming the best version of yourself.

Because the damage that you left behind and that you negated was so great, and so difficult to heal from.

Because they remember how you made them feel, how your actions destroyed their heart, their worth, and their faith and trust in you time and time again.

They remember how many times they had to beg you for the very basics; for your time, your communication, your respect, your compassion, your loyalty and commitment, your appreciation, and someone who could just be a safe space for them; but you gave them none of this.

All you gave them was pain, your chaos, your drama, and in the end your total destruction of who they were before they met you.

They are tired of your lies, they are tired of your endless manipulation and gaslighting that you refuse to acknowledge, and they don’t want to give you another chance to try and manipulate them again.

They don’t want to remember any part of the past they shared with you, because they realise now that none of it was real anyway.

So please if you happen to see them somewhere, don’t say hello, don’t ask them how they’re doing, don’t call out their name, just leave them alone and forget that you even ever knew each other.

They gave you love, when you gave them distance and pain.

Your actions have left scars so deep, scars that may never fully heal, because all you did to the person who loved you with everything they had, and who you convinced that they could trust you and feel safe with you; all you did was show them just how very unsafe the really were, and how very little you really cared.

You’re strangers again, and that’s the way they want things to remain.

So please, forget their name, forget that you even knew each other, and move on and enjoy the rest of your life.

They deserve better than you, they’ve remembered their worth again, and they no longer want to hear your name, hear your voice, or see your face ever again.

Their only hope after all of your disrespect, pain, lies, chaos, destruction, damage, and trauma you’ve caused, is that you can at least understand this because they know you understand and know full well exactly what you did…

#brokenness #inspirational #motivational #storyteller #everyone

Charlie McCready- Lawyers $$$$

Does anyone care to comment? When I have more time, I’d like to gather more data on what alienated parents have actually experienced in the family court system. How long did it take? What was the outcome? How much money was spent? Did it lead to reunification? If the court ordered contact, was it enforced—and if so, how did that go?⁠

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Alienated parents often pour their life savings into a legal system they once believed would protect their rights and their children’s well-being—only to emerge financially drained, emotionally shattered, and, in many cases, no closer to justice.⁠

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This highlights the urgent need for reform. Lawyers dealing with these cases should be trained to recognise attachment disordered parental alienation – the false narratives and coercive, manipulative behaviours that drive it. The legal system must do better, not only for parents who are being erased from their children’s lives but, most importantly, for the children themselves—caught in a battle they never chose.⁠

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Perhaps we expect too much. Perhaps we should know better by now. After all, injustice isn’t confined to family courts or parental alienation. Look at the wider world—those who commit crimes often walk free, while those who expose them suffer the consequences. The alienated parent is no different: seeking truth in a system that too often fails to protect the innocent while enabling the abuse.⁠

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I don’t mean to sound cynical. I try to stay focused on solutions. But we shouldn’t have to ‘fight’ to see our own children in a court of justice—because we are not criminals. We are parents. Parental alienation isn’t simply a legal matter; it’s a psychological and relational issue—one that the law is often ill-equipped to handle. And for many, prolonged legal action is not only financially impossible but also emotionally destructive. While sometimes necessary, court should be a last resort, used only when every other effort to protect a child’s well-being has been exhausted.

If you are going through what’s commonly known as ‘parental alienation’, know you’re not alone. I’ve been through it myself. Personally and professionally, I have over 20 years of experience. I am reunited with my children and here to offer support with daily posts on social media and also with the coaching I offer. Feel free to reach out to me anytime.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#parentalalienationawareness

#alienatedchild

Narcissist: unable to love- Charlie McCready

Narcissistic alienating parents are characterised by a self-centred, manipulative, and exploitative nature. They prioritise their own needs, desires, and self-image above the well-being of others, including their children. Here are some key points:

Lack of empathy: Narcissistic individuals often struggle with empathy, which is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. They have difficulty recognising and validating the emotional experiences of their children or anyone else in their lives. Their focus is primarily on themselves and their own needs.

Manipulative and controlling behaviour: Narcissistic parents tend to manipulate and control those around them to maintain a sense of power and superiority. They may use tactics such as gaslighting, guilt-tripping, emotional manipulation, and coercive control to assert dominance and maintain control over their children.

Exploitation of relationships: They view relationships as opportunities for personal gain rather than genuine connections based on mutual care and support. They may exploit their partner’s and their children’s love and loyalty to serve their own agenda, using them as extensions of themselves rather than recognising their autonomy and individual needs. This also goes for other family members and work associates, in fact, anyone in their lives.

Lack of genuine love and care: Narcissistic individuals struggle to experience and express genuine love and care for others. Their primary focus is obtaining admiration, attention, and validation. As a result, their relationships, including those with their children, lack the depth, emotional connection, and authentic care that healthy relationships require.

Superficial charm and manipulation: They often appear charming, charismatic, and even loving in the early stages of a relationship. However, their behaviour tends to be manipulative, self-serving, and inconsistent over time. Their actions are primarily driven by a need for control, admiration, and validation rather than genuine care and concern.

They lose interest when someone no longer ‘serves’ them. When someone calls out their behaviour, they’ll go on the attack to protect their interests/lies. It’s important to recognise that not all alienating parents are narcissistic, and not all narcissistic parents engage in parental alienation. But when these two dynamics intersect, the results can harm and damage the child’s well-being and the parent-child relationship.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#narcissisticparent

#traumabonding

Disordered Pathogenic Parenting – Charlie McCready

In many cases (though not all of course), the alienating parent operates from a place of deep-seated emotional neediness rooted in their own childhood experiences. If they lacked sufficient love and secure attachment during their formative years, they may have developed an attachment style characterised by anxiety or insecurity. This void creates an overwhelming desire for their child to fulfil unmet emotional needs—an expectation for unwavering loyalty and affection.⁠

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In this dynamic, the child becomes a vessel for the parent’s unresolved trauma and unfulfilled desires. The alienating parent may project their need for love onto the child, expecting them to provide the unconditional support and affirmation they missed out on. This demand can manifest as controlling or possessive behaviour, where the parent subtly or overtly communicates that love and loyalty come with conditions: to reject, demonise, or distance themselves from the other parent. Truly a cruel thing to inflict on a child – some do this unconsciously, others quite deliberately. ⁠

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For the child, if they do not comply or fail to provide the desired level of loyalty, it may trigger the alienating parent’s fear of abandonment and inadequacy. They might respond with manipulation, guilt, or emotional coercion, reinforcing the notion that the child’s love is contingent upon rejecting the other parent. The underlying message is clear: the child must choose sides and prioritise the alienating parent’s needs or risk losing the affection and approval they crave. Again, this is disordered, pathogenic parenting. ⁠

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Ultimately, this creates a toxic cycle of dependence and alienation, where the child feels torn between their natural bond with both parents and the appalling expectations imposed by the alienating parent. It undermines the child’s sense of autonomy, fosters confusion, and cultivates a skewed perception of love—one that is contingent on loyalty rather than the unconditional acceptance and support that every child deserves.⁠

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#alienatedchild

Charlie McCready -The Reality of Parental alienation

This post will resonate with those who understand the reality of what’s commonly known as parental alienation. The alienator is skilled and practised in telling us that we no longer have children, that we don’t deserve to see them, that we’re no good. If they can say such shocking, untrue things to us, just imagine the false narratives they are feeding others—and, most devastatingly, our children. And why? In short, and for the vast majority of us, it’s simply and most devastatingly, to punish us. In doing so, they are also punishing the children, tearing them away from a loving, willing, and available parent.They distort the child’s thinking, erode their beliefs, and attack any real connection.The divorce has nothing to do with the children, yet the alienator will try to turn an ex-partner into an ex-parent. This is not love. This is not healthy. This is disordered, selfish, and psychologically abusive behaviour.

Knowing the truth about the alienator and their behaviours doesn’t bring our children back, but it’s important to understand the pathology. It’s also vital not to react to their provocations and abuse, however tempting it may be. Because, at present, ‘parental alienation’ is not recognised as abuse in its own right. While coercive control, one of the alienator’s favoured methods, is recognised in many jurisdictions as abuse, mental health and legal professionals still focus on what is deemed ‘in the child’s best interests’. But when the child is indoctrinated, terrorised, and made to feel unloved/abandoned, their voice is no longer authentic. This is not a genuine expression of their will—it’s the result of manipulation/coercive control (abuse). It’s akin to Stockholm Syndrome, or even brainwashing. Still, the result of the indoctrination is what the experts often focus on when making their decisions, and to further complicate matters, false allegations are often thrown into the mix to delay progress.

Even though the child is coerced into aligning with the alienating parent, this was never their choice. If they had made this decision freely, it would be ‘estrangement,’ and some form of natural separation from home/parents is part of growing up, especially during adolescence. But children ideally want healthy relationships with both parents—not just with the bullying, alienating, and coercively controlling one. This is their right. Denying them this is abuse in itself.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#divorce

#divorced

#custody

Narcissist Do Not Care

With a Narcissist, you are stuck between two worlds – the emotional one where you believe in their love and the debilitating one where you see the truth that this is a distorted and destructive love that is harming you.

From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

A Narcissist loves to get into your head and gain control to satisfy their every need, then they enjoy devaluing you for letting them in and enjoy the process of the harm they inflict upon you. It is this power and control they love AND supply or objectifying people to satisfy their every need. The Narcissist is so deeply invested in his/her image and will do whatever it takes to protect themselves from exposure. Their actions are so extreme to maintain their false illusions they have created and it becomes a matter of self-preservation and the Narcissist will think nothing of destroying your self-esteem, self-worth, reputation and integrity to protect themselves. Their lies catch up with them eventually and we end up in the trash heap with every other target/victim that dared demand accountability. This IS THE FATE of every relationship with a Narcissist. They are very calculating and exacting at retaining their ability to survive as the predator they are so they can continue to find prey. It is a matter of survival, otherwise if their true distorted personality were apparent they would be like a fish out of water (a shark.)

Of course it goes without saying that all of their distorted efforts or the many secrets, lies and deceptions that support their lifestyle make it impossible for a person to sustain any sort of an emotional bond or a REAL relationship with them. This is due to the fact that the many lies pile up to a point that they take on a life of their own that eventually becomes so apparent to the target/victim. In other words, the Narcissist is never that adept to cover up their reality because it is just too distorted for them to maintain any semblance of a relationship with anybody. They are SO out of control and careless that they can’t keep up with their own lies with any one person. They can fake it for as long as we BELIEVE them, but in time the truth lights the way and their honorable mask falls off and shatters from the many lies that weight it down! But again, they will use horrid manipulation to make you fear their retribution and keep you strung along in their abuse until they are DONE with you.

Narcissists do not have ANY capacity to have healthy interactions with ANYBODY because they dissociate with any internal empathy, emotions or a real persona. They simply are not wired with the internal mechanisms to have these skills! How do they manage to imitate the normal human condition so well? Through observation and studying people and mimicking our behaviors. Again, they are predators that must camouflage themselves to remain undetected so they can trap their prey. SO, what better way for a Narcissist to fit in by imitating OUR healthy lifestyle. Think of the criminal that will case out a bank finding weaknesses, the vault, and the escape route before they break in.

Narcissist are also very skilled in a manner to dissociate any real guilt or shame that they should feel about their betrayal, dehumanization as well as the harm they inflict on people. This dissociation is like a force field that protects the Narcissist from seeing their real identity and realizing how cruel their actions actually are – let’s just call it what it is denial. This dissociation also prevents them from experiencing any guilt. Dissociation is a difficult concept to grasp and basically clinical in nature. It means to block out a thought, action, or emotion. In the real world, we just say Narcissists DO NOT CARE and that is the basic reality with them. Watch them run off after they are exposed and start a whole new life again with new supply AND within days of ending their relationship with you. You will be blocked from their Facebook account, ostracized as being mentally insane, a liar, abusive to them, AND THEY HATE YOU. Just another HUGE wall they create to HIDE how they abused another person so they can keep abusing more targets to get the supply they desperately need in life. Perhaps we should call them out as the predators that they really are!

OK so the nitty gritty to help you understand how a human being can be like this! Narcissists don’t live in the real world OR a real world. They live in their own world made up of fantasy, lies, delusions, deceit, and perversion. They have their own reality that everyone that has any part of their life must accept or they will be deemed crazy, punished, and even destroyed. They live in a world where they make up all the rules and then break all the rules. In this world, everyone must think just like them or better yet approve everything that the Narcissist does without question or prejudice. If you are a part of their life you can never reflect anything that would reveal their true identity or ask them for accountability about anything or they will turn it back onto you with blame and shame. I guess this could define a dicatator!

All of the Narcissist’s sins must be forgiven and accepted but YOU must be perfect and basically their servant and caretaker. Acceptance and adoration must be given to the Narcissist CONSTANTLY, but absolutely none is given to you in return. In their world ABUSE is how they show love and you must accept the abuse because that is all you are worthy of. You must support their deluded actions without blinking an eye, but if you breathe wrong you will be severely punished.

Living in their world will always involve gas-lighting, betrayal, pathological lying, isolation, triangulation, and extreme manipulation so they can keep their false identity in place. You constantly have to tiptoe around the Narcissist’s fragile ego to keep them happy so that their true identity and nature doesn’t rear its ugly and destructive face. Living in their world is like walking through a field of hidden bombs and you never know when they will explode but when they do the Narcissist is always there in the shadows detonating them!

It is in reality a distorted land of make believe and everything is fine as far as the Narcissist is concerned because it totally serves them. BUT it is a land of horrible secrets and painful lies. THE ONLY truth is a relative truth based on what YOU may believe the relationship really is. YOUR relationship IS ONLY held together through fear, guilt and obligation – that and being a source of supply to this Narcissist until they find a replacement.

The Narcissist sabotages everything and everyone because NOBODY can be better or do better than the NARCISSIT! It is a place where your dreams will die quickly and your self-esteem and self-worth die along with them. It is a place where love does not exist at all and hurt and pain prevail for the victim!

Suddenly after so much time together with this Narcissist your world is no longer the one you believed in. You question everyday reality, but most of all you question yourself. You wonder how you could have been so naive, foolish, stupid, blind, trusting, unseeing, unknowing, etc., etc. You were betrayed and duped in a hideous fashion by the great manipulator! It was just your turn to replace old supply and shore up the Narcissists lies. You essentially became their safe haven after their last target/victim and just new supply. Don’t blame yourself for their abuse because NOBODY deserves this type of abuse for ANY reason.

YOU are the normal person here or the one who aligns reality in a very normal manner! The Narcissist realigns YOUR reality through extreme deception to make you BELIEVE they are like you in every way BUT they are the direct opposite and purely toxic. With all of their overt manipulation they make you believe they are so full of charm and love AND there is no reason NOT to reciprocate back with your love, devotion and TRUST. You see no other reason than to believe him/her because if the Narcissist acts like you (the NORMAL person), reciprocates by saying that he/she likes or loves you, then there is no reason not to believe him/her because in your past people that acted in this manner and spoke these exact same words could be trusted. You only believed there was congruency or reality in the initial connection and you did what other normal people did and went with it because the Narcissist LIED so well and hid their secret perverted world from you! But not now because time has changed so many things and all you see is desperation and pain.

Suddenly you learn that someone (the Narcissist) you trusted implicitly, be it a spouse, lover, family member, close friend, etc., has been putting you down, backstabbing you, lying, manipulating others against you, betraying you, and yet STILL maintaining a FALSE stance of intimacy, friendship or LOVE with you. It is just impossible to understand because it is a horrendous betrayal, so your world becomes so unclear and now you have so much conflict and animosity about this.

Unfortunately, you are stuck between two worlds – one where you believed in their love and one where you see truth that it was distorted love meant to harm you! A Narcissist loves to get into your head and gain control to satisfy their every need, then they enjoy devaluing you for letting them in and enjoy the process of the harm they inflict upon you. It is this power and control they love.

There are so many areas of our lives that are impacted by the abuse that are so far reaching that it disables the deepest level of your core beliefs and literally changes your identity! It is just never one area that is affected by this abuse, it is our emotional, spiritual, mental, and even our physical world that is seemingly altered forever! Each area requires its own recovery process and the reason why recovering takes a very long time.

Life circumstances will naturally draw you back into the trauma. Something will trigger a horrendous memory and we relive those moments where we were horribly betrayed and taunted by this Narcissistic terrorist who conned us into believing they loved us to extort our life through their cruel and distorted love. There will be those triggers all around us that reignite the trauma from the abuse and we will either run from these situations or put up huge walls to avoid personal contact to avoid being hurt again! It may affect your future relationships and you only question what YOU did wrong and reinforce what the Narcissist told you and that is you were damaged and will always be alone. It is a fear of the hold they still have on you AND our future because of the heinous psychological rape they inflicted on our minds. They are like a ghost that constantly haunts us and reminds us that evil exists out there and almost destroyed us. There is no real closure other than accepting the reality that they are abusers and you were abused by a personality disordered person.

You will more than likely hear that this Narcissist is with someone new and right back to their old tricks and getting away with their abusive crimes again. You may also hear that the Narcissist is succeeding somehow and even believe that this Narcissist is doing so much better than you! No this is the travesty of this abuse and how it has stolen your reasoning and belief system and replaced it with the darkness of a Narcissist. This is not reality – it is the abuse foreshadowing your attempts to think normally and break free. Years of being managed down and abuse has made you vulnerable to returning to a good and normal life that you REALLY deserve and one that is not meant to harm you. A Narcissist is never in a BETTER place, happy, in love, or any of the above – they are abusers and lifeless so they have only found someone new to USE, extort, and objectify – THAT is how they survive or like a tick that needs to feed off of another living organism to survive!

Recovery requires a complete indulgence and openness to look inward. It is a process that requires education, introspection, spirituality, voicing your fears, connecting with other targets/survivors, and a therapist if possible. You MUST totally acknowledge the truth about this person you loved and that is that they are an abuser, psychological terrorist, and psychological rapist. The process begins when you say no to the negative messages left behind and open your ears and eyes to a new life that seeks out true goodness because it is still there where it always was. Finally, you must put the Narcissist away forever because there is absolutely nothing that you need to connect with as far as it concerns them. That means any memories or any other thought about them! The wounds will turn into scars and you will come out of this with new boundaries, a new voice and your old belief system back in place but so much stronger. DON’T allow them to have a hold on your complete future! No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg