Tag: abuse narcissistic behavior

Alienated parent is a parent

As we approach the universally celebrated Valentineā€™s Day on 14th February, traditionally devoted to romantic relationships, Iā€™m thinking of another manifestation of love – the profound connection and natural, loving attachment bonds between parents and children. It is literally heartbreaking that this innate bond would ever be compromised or sabotaged by intentional alienating behaviours.

One particular Valentineā€™s Day quote caught my eye: “I am not searching for my other half because I am not half.” I like that it rebels against the idea that anyone could be incomplete without a romantic partner. This notion of finding our ā€˜other halfā€™ implies a sense of lack, incompleteness in ourselves, or dependency on external relationships. It is the same for alienated parent. You are still wholly a mother or father, even when the other parent is engaged in harmful, selfish, alienating behaviours. You are not a half-person romantically or a half-person as a parent (this isnā€™t about those who parent half-heartedly). Have you seen the film Jerry McGuire? I love it, but when I hear the apparently romantic line, ā€˜You complete me,ā€™ I feel nauseous. I would have run a mile if anyone ever said that to me. I donā€™t believe love involves any ownership, neediness or giving away our power.

Of course, thereā€™s a beautiful kind of ecstasy when we meet someone; it can feel like an end to any confusion, loneliness, and sense of not being loved. And we can somehow ā€˜find ourselvesā€™ and equally, we do ‘lose’ ourselves and our identity in certain roles – like when we become parents. Regarding attachment, we can fear losing what we identify with ā€“ I am a mother. I am a father. I am a teacher. I am a doctor ā€¦ Secure attachments contribute to a sense of safety, trust, and self-worth, extending from childhood into adulthood. But being complete in ourselves, autonomous and practising self-love is vital for our children and us too.

Recognise that you are whole, strong, loved, and loving. Despite the anguish of ‘parental alienation,’ practise self-love today and every day. True love, often commercialised with red roses and chocolates, fully transcends manipulation, possessiveness and control.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#traumabonding

#parentalalienation

#parentalalienationawareness

#love

Narcissist Excuses

Fact šŸ‘

A narcissist or toxic person will find every excuse in the book to justify their mistreatment or abuse.

They believe that because they ā€œfeelā€ a certain way about you, were ā€œtoldā€ something about you, ā€œheardā€ something about you, or ā€œthinkā€ something negative about you, they are entitled to:

ā€¢ Disrespect you

ā€¢ Devalue you

ā€¢ Bully you

ā€¢ Try to control you

ā€¢ Treat you badly

ā€¢ Take their anger out on you

They will always blame their actions and behaviors on you or someone else. They rarely apologize to those they hurtā€”unless it benefits them or gets them something they want.

Your worth is not defined by their projections. Refuse to be a part of their cycle and take back your power.

-Sandi vaughn Steele-

#WordsOfSteele #ShatteredSilence #RadiantResilience #TruthPrevails #BoldAndUnbreakable #LetSandiSteeleGO

Walking on EggShells with alienated child(ren)

When our relationship with our child has been damaged because of the alienating behaviours of our ex, it becomes very challenging to establish boundaries and normal parental authority because we fear inadvertently worsening an already strained and limited relationship. It’s common for alienated parents to feel like they’re walking on eggshells around their child. There are truths we’d like to tell them, but an alienated child often fiercely resists hearing the truth about their situation and reacts with anger and denial due to their psychological defence mechanism against confronting uncomfortable realities. The alienating parent has empowered the child to pass judgment, criticise, and emotionally disconnect, so of course, thereā€™s a genuine worry that asserting parental authority might create even more physical and/or emotional distance between us and our child. ā 

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Equally, itā€™s always a good idea to do what we can to avoid being walked over! And if itā€™s not us saying to our child, ā€˜Thatā€™s not a kind way to treat somebodyā€™ or ā€˜Those are the rules in my houseā€™, itā€™s not going to be anyone else. Itā€™s about boundaries and teaching our children respectful behaviour. This is challenging during those teenage years when they’re more predisposed to rebellion anyway; they don’t need a lot of encouragement. It is fairly easy for an alienating parent to take full advantage of this. ā 

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Our relationship with our children, being so wilfully harmed and unstable, prevents us from fully relaxing and enjoying the time together. This certainly doesn’t help. Challenging and unnecessary as it is, we just have to keep being patient, empathetic and understand this is not their authentic behaviour. We have been thrown into a warzone together, one we’re trying to survive, and it’s not one we chose to participate in. Focus on building a peaceful, safe and supportive space for your child, even if they cannot fully grasp the truth of their situation at the moment. Over time, with consistent love and care, there’s a chance that they might be able to see through the manipulation, hear the truth, and heal. ā 

If you are going through parental alienation, know you’re not alone. I’ve been through it myself. Personally and professionally, I have over 20 years of experience. I am reunited with my children and here to offer support with daily posts on social media and also with the coaching I offer. Feel free to reach out to me anytime.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#CoerciveControl

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Crime of Parental Alienation /Charlie McCready

The realisation that a parent has deceived them is horrifying. It’s no easy feat to come to terms with the lies fed to them to create a distorted picture of one of their parents – and often that entire side of the family too. They may remember how they felt at first when the alienating behaviours started, the times they felt conflicted and torn between their love for both parents and the requirement, encouragement and reasons given by one not to love the other, and their desire to please the parent who seemed so rightfully angry.

At first, there’s a profound sense of disbelief and shock that a parent they trusted manipulated them into believing a web of lies that poisoned their perception of a parent they had loved and wouldn’t have chosen to reject without their encouragement, coercion and false narratives. Anger quickly follows. It’s a betrayal that cuts deep as they grapple with the enormity of the lies. It hurts as they try to find a way to understand the fact their love and loyalty were exploited for selfish motives.

There’s grief too. A mourning for the time lost, and the version of their life that could have been, the innocence lost too. It’s a terrible realisation that their childhood was not what it should have been as they discover the extent of the deception. They may struggle to reconcile the person they are today with the person they could have been if they’d been allowed to make their own judgments and decisions.

Shame and self-blame can follow because they wonder how they were so easily misled. How can they ever trust their judgement again? Why didn’t they see the truth sooner? It’s a heavy burden to bear, feeling as though they played a role in their manipulation and the grief and anger they feel now that their rejected parent was put through because of the alienating behaviours of their trusted parent.

Ultimately, there’s a yearning for clarity and truth, even as the reality is painful to accept. Although the journey towards understanding and acceptance is fraught with complex emotions, it can also be liberating, as they break free of coercive control and deception. They can reconstruct their identity and life as they unpick the lies.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#CoerciveControl

Narcissism

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, there will always be another secret life going on behind your back.

This is because these people are very empty, and they need stimulation from multiple sources just to face existence. They’ll be doing drugs or pornography. They’ll be stringing multiple partners through flirting and emotional affairs. They will be chasing financial intrigue that occasionally gets them into scams and trouble.

The reason they must flirt with other people is also because they’re seeking to move on to other people who don’t know the games they play.

They know they’ll get bored with you eventually, or you’ll learn to resist their shenanigans. And since being alone would kill them, they begin to groom possible replacements among anyone whom they can charm.

You’ll also notice this habit of making promises to you and then using those promises as a dangling carrot to get compliance from you. If you don’t do what they want, they’ll withdraw the promise.

Sometimes, they’ll deny having promised at all, or they postpone it until you give up. The truth is that they never intended to fulfill it in the first place.

Narcissists have lost all sense of right and wrong. Everything is about satisfying themselves.

When you finally leave, they’ll circle back to you, pretending to be checking on you when actually they’re checking if they still have access.

If you have a child with them, they would weaponise that child to torture you until you cut them off totally or you manage to enforce boundaries with the help of the law.

But the child will be scarred or wasted by the counter parenting and objectification from the narcissist.

Society knows very little about narcissists.

Sometimes, you stay because you fear the pain of letting go until you realize the pain you’re already taking for holding on.

Other times, you think you’re staying for the children until you realize that the narcissist is turning all of them into other small narcissists and broken empaths.

Your solution is to recognize that this person is incapable of peace. They’re only excellent at pretending and confusing you.

You will never have a life until you detach from them and direct your life towards wholeness and emotional stability.

Credit to original poster.

Marriage to a Narcissist Man

When you marry a narcissistic man, you never get a chance to be a wife; instead, you take on the role of a mother because these adults behave like man-children.

Narcissists don’t marry for love or partnership; they marry because they want a maid, cook, secretary, banker, and a nanny.

They crave control, not connection. Their selfish desires consume them, leaving you to run the household, raise the children, and satisfy their every whim.

Your dreams of a loving and equal relationship are shattered, replaced by the harsh reality of servitude.

As days turn into weeks, and weeks into years, you become a shadow of your old self.

Your identity is erased, replaced by the exhausting duties of handling a narcissist’s life

You are obliged to sacrifice your own desires, interests and friendships to accommodate their demands.

Emotional childbirth is suffocating, leaving you drained, resentful, and wondering how you ended up in this nightmare.

You’re not alone in this fight.

Many women have fallen prey to the charming facade of a narcissist, only to find themselves trapped in a loveless and ungrateful role.

Remember, you deserve better šŸ’œ

Loss in the silence

Perhaps it’s due to several decades of overt targeting, prior to several decades of being up close and personal to the dream and the nightmare .

I know I’ll never be the same ; our sons won’t ever be who we were and it’s past time to recreate my space and step out of the long shadow of high conflict , malignant , manipulation , intimate partner violence that produces Child Psychological Abuse that’s largely abused or ignored legally .

“The loneliest moment in someoneā€™s life

is when they are watching their

whole world fall apart,

and all they can do is stare blankly.

It’s not the shattering itself that breaks you

itā€™s the silence that follows,

the quiet space where you realize

thereā€™s nothing left to salvage.

And in that moment,

you know that youā€™ll never be the same again.

Youā€™ll build something new,

perhaps,

but it will never be what you lost.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Going to leave this broke down palace,

On my hands and my knees Gāš”ļøD