Tag: abuse narcissistic behavior

Alienator’s Perception of the World

I saw this picture on my Facebook group page. It visually portrays how we try to protect our children, and they don’t know the harm around them – which is how it should be. Long may they be children, innocent and carefree! ⁠

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Unfortunately, the alienating parent’s perception of the world as being ‘shark infested’ and dangerous is shared with the child. Namely, they’re told they should be protected from us, a loving parent. The only ‘dangerous waters’ for our child are the ones full of manipulation, emotional turmoil, fractured relationships with us, and trauma bonds with the ‘favoured’ parent. ⁠

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The child doesn’t see the trouble they’re in. They’re enmeshed and aligned with the alienating parent and may not, for some time, perceive it’s not as calm as they believe. It’s turbulent, and the psychological abuse hides beneath the surface. ⁠

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The challenge lies in bridging the gap between the children’s perception and the actual risks they face. Sadly, they have to see it for themselves. They have to tread water, trying to survive this experience and we have to as well. We have to become like lighthouses showing them the way. ⁠

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#CoerciveControl

#selfcare

Naming pain – Parental Alienation

Most of us had never heard of ‘parental alienation’ until it happened to us. In my case, it was as a step-parent, and I knew something was wrong. Social services wouldn’t listen to me, and I understand their position, but there was zero support until the child told her teacher at school she didn’t want to return home., she was scared. Brave child, finally saying something, and thankfully all is well now (though I became a scapegoat, the abusive parent blameless …..) This was back in 2001. That’s when it started for me – a huge amount of research and many years of personal experience because I was then alienated from my children. It’s complicated, shocking, baffling, painful, heartbreaking, and incredibly isolating. So the day we find out there’s a name for it – parental alienation – is helpful. It exists (though some would like to say it doesn’t). It is something tangible, and these days, there’s a wealth of peer-reviewed research on alienating behaviours too, and sites like mine here. This is the way towards healing, through understanding the pathology, knowing it’s not you, becoming resilient and focusing on the love, not the loss and the present, not the past. Hold fast, and stay strong.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#CoerciveControl

#emotionalabuse

#traumabonding

#custody

#parentalalienation

#ChildCustody

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#parentalalienationawareness

#custodybattle

Alienated Children – Lack of self love

Parental alienation can lead to children distancing themselves emotionally and physically from one parent due to the influence and manipulation of the other parent. The child’s response to this complex situation includes severing contact and adopting a defensive, even hostile stance toward the ‘target’ parent. This strategy serves as a mechanism to navigate the loyalty conflicts and psychological pressures they experience. This inadvertently compels the child to suppress their genuine emotions and authentic self, as they prioritise gaining the approval of the alienating parent to maintain a semblance of peace and stability. The child may internalise the negative narratives about themselves and their alienated parent promoted by the alienator, leading to feelings of inadequacy, guilt, self-blame, and diminished self-worth. ⁠

Children have limited perspectives. Unconsciously, they may believe that any abuse they get from their parents is deserved because it’s their fault. When ignored or their needs and interests are neglected, a child can believe it’s because they’re not good enough. Or that they’re difficult, a nuisance, a problem. If nothing is done to correct these erroneous beliefs, the child will believe they’re true, and the lack of self-worth and the general self-loathing they feel for themselves may be reinforced. It’s not the child that is the problem, but the parenting. This, unfortunately, is how dysfunctional parenting from an unhealed parent can get passed on to the child. ⁠

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These internal conflicts and loss of self-love, combined with the desire to maintain attachment to an alienating (abusive) parent, can suppress feelings for the targeted parent. This may not be forever. The love for the alienated parent can endure despite the manipulation and psychological pressures inflicted upon them. Love, as a force, can prevail over the influence of hate and manipulative abuse. ⁠

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#emotionalmanipulation

#parentalalienationawareness

#CoerciveControl

#traumabonding

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#ChildCustody

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatter

#custody

#FamilyCourt

#parentalalienation

#traumabond

#childabuse

#narcissisticparent