Tag: Parental Alienation

The Alienated Abused Child is stuck in a matrix – Charlie Mc Cready

An alienated child has been coached to see one parent (the favoured/alienating one), as good and the other (the target parent) as bad. They align with the good and reject the bad. The child cannot bear to hear the words ‘parental alienation’ and will angrily and defensively reject this idea. I know this from personal experience. It’s a mistake. It doesn’t help us to tell them of their alienation. It just adds fuel to the fire. But how can it possibly make things better for ‘the bad parent’ to say ‘bad things’ about their influencing ‘good parent’? All the defences will go up. They’ve been in the trenches. It feels real. They’ve been put in a warzone. They bear the wounds. It’s too much for them to think their ‘reality’ needs reviewing and unpicking. They were doing their best to survive. Trying to tell a child in this unbearable situation that they were put there by their apparently loving, aligned, ‘good’ parent, makes them feel attacked. This doesn’t help or heal anybody. It doesn’t heal your relationship, which is what you want. It is a ‘handle with care’ situation because of the abuse they (and you) have suffered at the hands of the parental alienator. What we need to do is remove the reason for their defensive behaviour. Don’t give them ‘ammo’ and try to avoid talking about ‘parental alienation’ or anything associated with it. Be there with your white flag. Peaceful. Loving. Non-reactive. Be the healthy, sane parent. If they continue rejecting you based on the unreal fiction in their mind, and when you’ve done nothing other than being the target parent (suffering spousal psychological abuse to their child psychological abuse), we wait for them to wake up to the truth. It is far easier to stay in the dark ‘unreality’ of the alienating narratives they heard for so long. But when they truly become independent-minded, if they can step out of the ‘matrix’, they can start to heal and see you in the right, true light.

#enmeshment

#coercivecontrol

#rejectedparent

#parentalalienation

#cognitivedevelopment

#parentalalienationawareness

#alienatedchild

#fathersrights

#mothersrights

Guilt in the alienated child can block relationship with targeted parent

An alienated child’s guilt can be buried pretty deep. It’s in a dark place, so deep, you feel it doesn’t even exist. They love you (deep down), and although it doesn’t show, and it hurt them too to bury those feelings, this was a survival tactic. They feared total abandonment, and lack of love, they were confused and angered. It all got hidden away. If and when they see you and feel the grief you also suffer, that’s painful for them. Not only this, but all that ‘programming’, all the negative narrative (lies, unproven allegations, false memories) from their ‘aligned’ and apparently loving/protective parent needs a lot of unpacking too. Why would a loving/protective parent do that? Why did they insist on their child rejecting someone (and all the family on that side) they love so very much? It’s a lot for the alienated child to deal with. Deep down, they know the parent they’ve turned against/rejected loves them, and in many instances, I hear often, this is what keeps them going. It’s a huge risk to take, and they rely on that (rejected) parent’s love and resilience. But after so many years of alienation, it is a difficult journey back. They need to feel safe, not judged, loved, and not hated. Guilt and shame are heavy emotions. Those feelings can be unearthed. Guilt says, ‘I did something wrong,’ They might feel sorry and try to repair the damage. Shame says, ‘I’m a bad person’, and they can get stuck in anger, low self-esteem and self-destructive behaviour. It’s a handle-with-care situation. Whenever they come back, we need to understand what they’ve been through and listen with patience, compassion and love. In their own time, they need to unearth those bad feelings and let them go.

#charliemccready #9stepprogram #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienation #alienatedmother #alienatedparent #alienatedfather #rejectedparent #rejectedfather #rejectedmother #highconflictcoparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #coparenting #highconflictdivorce #divorce #familylaw #FamilyCourt #childabuse #narcissisticchildabuse #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissist #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissism #narcissismawareness

Disordered Parenting – Child Psychological Abuse

It might seem like a trivial technicality, but it’s important as far as our thoughts and beliefs get ‘ingrained’ and become a part of us when they’re really separate. The experience of parental alienation, as traumatic, unfair, maddening, and agonising as it is, is not you. Nor is it your fault. It happened as a result of a separation/high-conflict divorce from someone who is typically narcissistic/borderline and unable to deal with it. Or the alienation might have started sometime before, but it still stems from disordered parenting. ***

Not you. Try to detach from the experience as being ‘yours’ by changing the ‘my’ to ‘the alienation’ It’s a subtle but important shift.

charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienation #alienatedparent #alienatedmother #alienatedfather #rejectedparent #rejectedfather #rejectedmother #highconflictcoparenting #coparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #highconflictdivorce #divorce #FamilyCourt #familylaw #childabuse #narcissisticchildabuse #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissist #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissism

Taking care of Maya – Netflix movie in Child Psychological Abuse / Parental Alienation

Trigger warning, this story is now on Netflix. It’s about alienation, false allegations, and a system abusing authority.

It’s called …Taking Care of Maya.

Now the family is exposing the system and filed a lawsuit for Justice.

Provide for the child : Psychological Abuse via Narcissist Parent

I should tell you about treatment this Sunday over coffee. I’ll bet you all want to know how to fix things.

You can’t.

We cannot ask the child to reveal their authenticity until we can first protect the child from the withering psychological retaliation that is sure to follow from the pathological narcissistic-borderline-dark personalty parent.

We must first protect the child.

In all cases of child abuse, we must first protect the child. That’s called a “Safety Plan” and it precedes a Treatment Plan for all dangerous pathologies – suicide, homicide, abuse (child, spousal, elder).

The child has a problem. How does the child love both parents and receive the love of both? I’m most concerned about the child feeling loved by the parent, I want the child to feel loved by mom and by dad – both.

The pathological parent is forcing the child to choose sides in the spousal conflict. If the child tries to remain neutral… they’re on a “side” in the mind of the pathological parent – if the child does NOT reject the targeted parent, the child is on that parent’s “side” in the mind of the pathological parent.

The pathological parent is narcissistic; that’s an absence of empathy, the capacity for cruelty. The pathological parent is borderline; that’s a role-reversal feeding off the child.

They are Dark Triad, Vulnerable Dark Triad, and Dark Tetrad. That’s narcissistic, psychopathic, borderline, sadistic, and extremely manipulative.

These are highly toxic, highly malevolent, and highly manipulative humans. It’s important to understand the pathology – It’s important to understand the problem.

The pathological parent psychologically groomed and seduced the child into a cross-generational coalition. We must extract the child from the pathological relationship with the pathological parent.

We must first be able to protect the child from child psychological abuse by a pathological parent – a narcissistic-borderline-dark personality parent.

How do you fix things? We start by protecting the child. Then what?

I should talk about then what. You’ll want court-adapted DBT. You won’t find that, clinical psychology is not in the family courts yet. You need the support of the mental health professionals – but there is none.

So… then what?

Those seem like pretty substantial barriers – we must first protect the child – you’ll need mental health support and there is none.

So… what do you do?

I should talk about that this Sunday over coffee – So? What do you do?

As the healthier parent, are there things you can do to help stabilize your child? How do you respond to the crazy false allegations, to the anger, to the supposed fear?

I should talk about that. I’ll bet you’d like to know more about what you can do in response to the child. But I don’t want to make it seem like there’s actual things you can do – this is child abuse, we must first be able to protect the child before we can ask the child to reveal their authenticity.

If I tell you ways to expose your child’s authenticity into re-bonding, then I’m only opening the child to increased child abuse by the pathological parent. You’ll be happier… at the expense of your child. You don’t want that.

So, what can you do?

You need professional support from professional psychology – they are the ones who should identify the pathology of child abuse and they are the ones who should fix it, i.e., treatment. But there is no support from professional psychology currently available. You are struggling within broken systems.

Forensic psychology is incompetent. Clinical psychology has abandoned you. The mental health system surrounding you is massively broken. That’s a problem.

You want to get OUT of the legal system as much as possible – this is NOT about custody, it’s about pathology, attachment pathology. You need a treatment plan to fix it. Move the issue into healthcare not the courts.

Then we generate a treatment plan – for that we need a diagnosis. We will need the mental health sector to diagnose the child abuse. They have duty to protect obligations, and the differential diagnosis for severe attachment pathology is child abuse by one parent or the other.

A child rejecting a parent is child abuse by one parent or the other, the only question is… which parent?

But what do you do in the meantime? How do you unravel the Gordian Knot you face? You can’t. We should talk about solutions to your situation with a knot that can’t be unraveled.

What do you as a parent do to solve the situation with your child when you’re with your child? We should talk about that.

Sunday 8:00am Pacific: Coffee w/ Dr. Childress 8:00 on Facebook Live.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

Just takes 1 alienating parent to destroy a child’s happiness

The alienating parent seeks to lead and control. Their behaviours are incredibly selfish; they put their needs above everyone else’s, including their children. A healthy-minded, loving parent doesn’t do that, and most of us couldn’t have imagined anyone would be that cruel. We know children love and want both parents in their lives (until the campaign of denigration kicks off, usually triggered by separation/divorce). It takes us by surprise how much the alienating parent simply doesn’t care. Vengeance and ‘winning’ is more important to them. Typically, they are cluster b personalities (histrionic, borderline, narcissistic ..)

It can be argued, by some, that parental alienation does take two because without the ‘other’ there can be no triangulation. Some also suggest that we should have known better or had higher self-worth, or been less empathetic, kind-hearted, patient or tolerant.

But the simple fact remains; one parent alienates the other parent. It takes just one person. And they harm and destroy many with their actions. They know the moves because they’re highly manipulative. BUT when you empower yourself with an understanding of their behaviours, and the pathology behind it, you can learn to predict their next move, and even be one step ahead.

If you like our posts, please help us help others by sharing our posts to other people and sites. My mission is to spread awareness about parental alienation, inform and uplift. We’re also on Instagram, and we’d love you to follow us there too.

https://www.instagram.com/charliemccready1/

AND PLEASE DO JOIN ME ON MY NEW COMMUNITY PAGE. Thanks.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/3214325232164553

The Personal Authority 9 Step Program helps my clients understand and deal with their alienated child/ren, the alienating parent, plus how to overcome the mental and emotional issues that they experience. This program can help transform your experience of alienation and how you live your life. Typically people experience a change in mindset after a few weeks. Please send me a message if you are interested to know more, and I can send you testimonials and further details on what the program covers and the benefits you could gain.

.

Deprograming the Alienated Child

It is extremely difficult for the alienated child to accept that the trusted, favoured, ‘good’ and aligned parent, the one they chose over the ‘bad’ parent, the one they believed, the one they might have even lied for, and done everything they could to please, actually, in truth, had nothing but their own interests, (and vengeance) in mind. The betrayal and shock of this is so awful that it is easier for that child not to believe it. Not only that but it makes them feel so manipulated and gullible. In reality, coercive control is incredibly hard to combat and children believe their parent would never do anything to harm them. Parental alienation is harmful. It is abuse. So it is extremely hard for the child to believe this has been inflicted on them. But the acceptance is the first step in their healing, and de-programming. Undoing what might be years of lies and controlling behaviour. As a target parent, it is a minefield because mentioning parental alienation can insult and upset the child. So we have to tread carefully and be so conscious of their suffering (just as we have suffered too).

If you like our posts, please share them where you think they might be helpful – thanks. And you can see more of our posts on instagram:

[https://www.instagram.com/charliemccready1/](https://www.instagram.com/charliemccready1/?fbclid=IwAR3Vlw6TPNLc2-0hJS4Op59fduIXJYSF0T55wZz9dvXINS9YJWdTFtodv88)

.

Highly Toxic Parent

At their core, the alienating parent is afraid, jealous and cannot bear to think there could be time spent, let alone love given, to anyone but themselves. Their wounded ego needs revenge, and this will be inflicted on anyone (especially a ‘target’ parent) who exposes the truth of who they are inside (often triggered by separation/divorce – it can’t be their fault). They can’t bear it. They even hide from themselves. To deal with this, they try and control everyone and everything. They rewrite the narrative. They encourage and magnify any natural discord that happens in the course of childhood with parents. The children are coercively controlled, and weaponised. They’re not allowed independent thought or any positive feelings or even memories about the ‘other’ parent. But the child/ren loved you, and they still do, they’ve just been ‘indoctrinated’ to think otherwise. Once they remove their gas mask, their toolkit of survival, they can breathe. They can live their sovereign lives as they deserve. They can reunite with you. Please see more of my posts at:

https://www.instagram.com/charliemccready1/

AND PLEASE DO JOIN ME ON MY NEW COMMUNITY PAGE as we reached capacity here. Thanks.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/3214325232164553

.

.

.

#familylaw #familycourt #highconflictdivorce #parentalalienation #parentalalienationawareness #coparentingwithanarcissist #childcustody #custodybattle #parentalalienationischildabuse #parentalalienationisacrime #fathersrights #mothersrights #parentalalienationsyndrome #cognitivedistortions #psychologicalsplitting #familyviolence #survivingparentalalienation #generationaltrauma #hostileaggressiveparenting #parentalalienatingbehaviours #FamilyLaw #falseallegations #alienatedparent #parenting #alienated #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #coercivecontrol #childrenfirst #StopParentalAlienation #fathersrights #mothersrights #reunification #coparentingwithanarcissist #emotionalabuse #psychologicalabuse #traumabonding #divorcinganarcissist #EndParentalAlienation #consciousparenting #consciousparent #consciousparentingcoach #childhoodtrauma #targetparent #targetedchild #parentalrights #childsupport #Custody #cognitivedistortions #splitting #familyviolence #survivingparentalalienation