Tag: abuse narcissistic behavior

Charlie McCready-Alienating any threat to their ego, hidden agenda & control

Parental alienation involves psychological abuse, and coercive control. It involves dark dynamics where people, often driven by insecurity, unresolved trauma, narcissism, attachment disorders (and more), resort to manipulation and cruelty to maintain dominance.

In these toxic relationships, some perpetrators perceive their victims as threats to their control, ego, or hidden agendas. This perception becomes the breeding ground for intensified abuse and manipulation. The more control slips through their fingers, the more they tighten their grip, all driven by the irrational fear of losing what they believe is rightfully theirs. Or wishing to punish.

And when victims, often after enduring prolonged suffering, gather the courage to sever ties with their oppressors, the reaction is often volatile. Furious at the prospect of losing their grip on power, the perpetrators retaliate with even greater ferocity. They see the victim’s actions as challenging their supremacy and respond by escalating the abuse, seeking to reassert their control.

This vicious cycle perpetuates the suffering of those ensnared within it. Victims find themselves between the desperate need for liberation and the dread of the backlash they may face when attempting to break free. The emotional scars from these abusive relationships can run deep, and the healing journey can be long. It’s incredibly helpful to surround yourself with people or be in communities where others understand what you’re going through. You can find strength in understanding the pathology and knowing you are not alone. You can reclaim your life. And so can the children.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatterToo

#FathersMatter

#overcomingtrauma

Parasitic Narcissist

A Narcissist is basically a parasite that lives off of other human beings. The Narcissist is an EXTREME egotist that denies the truth of their repulsive world to themselves and cleverly hides it by the means of a false reflection or mask to pathologically fool or snare us into their grasp. The more the Narcissist can successfully ‘seduce’ others and convince them that they are loved the more the bounty (supply) for the Narcissist. They are self-created, or better yet, self-de-created, and then FALSELY re-created. What is re-created is not a self, but a reflection or ‘FUNCTIONAL” copy of a working image of a human being to disguise the vast VOID that they are. It is a compilation of observations the Narcissist has made from watching people and mirroring what he/she sees back to them – imitating their good qualities, likes/dislikes, everything, and anything to draw us into their web of deceit. They really bring home the definition of ‘having something in common’ with people. They MORPH into having EVERYTHING in common with us!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

The habit of treating a human being or a person as a means to an end is utilitarian (to satisfy a need or fulfill an AGENDA) and fundamentally an inhumane or a pathological and perverted manipulation of our basic human rights. A Narcissist USES all people to feed their endless ‘depravity void’ through injustice by his/her regard for others as mere instruments/objects to satisfy the Narcissist’s own gratification. The closer the association to a Narcissist the more pathological the Narcissist becomes, and the more damage done to the target/victim. Their needs are far more than just extorting basic life and biological needs – it is their psychological needs that cause the most damage to their target/victim. It is their need to control and gain dominance or power over other people that damage and destroys them. They are BASICALLY human with most of the same biological needs (like eating, breathing and sexuality) but when it comes to mental functions, they are delusional and seem to have a battle that rages in their head to seriously harm people that love them as if they loathe all people and need to destroy them one by one.

The Narcissist is incapable of love because at the core of his/her narcissism is the total refusal to revere others as individuals or to truly love and appreciate others as ‘another’ self, equal to the omnipotent Narcissist. It is a fortress or huge wall of jealousy that is weak and wobbly because it always comes tumbling down and the Narcissist shows their true colors with their debasing and dehumanizing mannerisms. What the Narcissist loves is the false self he/she has created and that he/she needs to see reflected in the affirmation and supply from others to feel real and alive. They are actors and actresses picking and choosing their roles and perfecting them to receive their ‘Emmy’ award or better yet SUPPLY from their audience. It is basically a symbiotic relationship where the Narcissist is more akin to a TICK feeding on us to survive, as well as infecting us with their poisonous saliva that can and will disable us. We are just a source to feed them, entertain them, and cover their disfigured and abusive lifestyle. After being objectified and abused we are then blamed/shamed and destroyed as if in a ritual way to remove ANY and ALL accountability from the Narcissist because he/she can never allow themselves to see the reality of their disordered life and the destruction they cause – EVER. This is the truth about their superiority or omnipotence – it is as flimsy as their reality in this world.

Since a Narcissist is incapable of truly loving another as an individual, all of the Narcissist’s relationships with others are perverted, twisted, and abusive. To use a person is to abuse a person, and everyone in the Narcissists life, WITHOUT EXCEPTION, is nothing more than a means of procuring affirmation, adulation, and admiration – a means to an end, an agenda to secure supply or basically to extort from people. It is like a puppet show with the Narcissist having his/her hand in every puppet directing it’s every move.

A narcissist is calculating and refuses ANY connection or obedience of the basic requirements of life or the natural moral laws as they apply to life and human rights. Obedience to a Narcissist implies that there is something larger or better than what they are, and they will never comply because it would define them as being weak to allow anyone to feel significant enough to be their equal or better. It is almost like the Narcissist completely relates everything in life to a measurement – but this measurement begins with them – or as the saying goes, the sun rises and sets on a Narcissist because they feel they are above all life.

The Narcissist creates the terms of how THEY measure life – so if they were a “tape measure or a ruler”, they would determine the dynamics of each and every measurement OR define every inch of every foot – and you can believe that it would not be consistent as it is SUPPOSED to be. The Narcissist has to be ‘that’ which measures (and judges) and NEVER that WHICH IS MEASURED and NEVER judged. Literally they “coin” the phrase “give them an inch and they will take a yard.” Well that and anything they can get their tentacles around. No/minimal contact to break the cycle of this abuse. Greg

Mental & Legal Professionals fail our children/ Parental Alienation

It’s crucial for mental health professionals and family courts to look beyond the “voice of the child.” While a child’s expressed wishes are important, they can be influenced by various factors, including enmeshment with one parent and coercive control dynamics. In these situations, the child might be manipulated or pressured into expressing negative feelings or rejection towards the other parent. Covert psychological abuse and trauma bonding are central elements of these dynamics. These behaviours are subtle, they may even look like love, closeness, and care, making them challenging to detect.

Due to ongoing manipulation and control, trauma bonding occurs when the child becomes emotionally attached to the alienating parent, further reinforcing their unjustified, ‘coached’ negative perceptions of the other parent.

Therefore, mental health professionals and family courts have a duty of care to conduct thorough and impartial assessments, looking beyond appearances. Failing to do so inadvertently allows what could be seen as a form of legal kidnapping, where a child is unjustly separated from a loving parent. It’s essential that professionals consider the broader context, potential manipulation, and the child’s best interests to ensure fair and just outcomes in such sensitive cases.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#FamilyCourt

#divorce

#highconflictdivorce

#traumabonding

From victim to persecutor : Narcissist Characteristics

Carl Jung, the renowned psychiatrist, believed that we start life as a blank canvas, and our experiences gradually add colours to it. He introduced the concept that our minds are composed of two archetypes: the persona and the shadow self. The persona, derived from the Latin word for ‘mask,’ represents the image we present to the world and how we want to be seen. Our shadow aspects are the parts of ourselves that we learn to hide as we grow, experience life and learn the ‘rules’ about good and bad, right and wrong – and behaviours we feel we should hide in the shadows. These concealed feelings can transform into ‘dark’ emotions, which manifest as health issues, mood swings, fears, and mental health challenges. It might seem easier to ignore these shadows, but they keep showing up and growing until we confront them. As Carl Jung aptly said, “That which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our lives as fate.” We all have dark and light aspects. If we learn to accept our shadows and where they came from, they will no longer frighten or ‘overshadow’ our lives. We can embrace them/our wholeness.

Parental alienators and those who profess to be strong, right, and best – including our leaders and governments – put up a front to cover deep wounds, traumas, victim patterns, and shadows. Until they heal, they can’t help others as they like to think they can. They often have hidden agendas and look for a saviour or support system. When we no longer fulfil their agenda, they shift from victim to persecutor and make us their targets. The deeper their wounds, the more vicious their attack. They are essentially battling their own projections, their shadows. We can try to practise loving detachment when we find ourselves in this abusive situation, especially concerning alienated children. Sending our love. Being loving. Striving to be happy. We must not allow others’ judgments and opinions to define our identity; they only define themselves. Most cannot see beyond their trauma and hurt and operate from this shadow place. We can heal our shadow aspects and love ourselves to better love others.

Just as we cannot deny the existence of the ‘dark side of the moon’ or have yin without yang, we must acknowledge that life encompasses both light and dark experiences. We all have those ‘dark’ days and experiences. It’s part of life. If we bury the stuff we don’t like or don’t feel comfortable with, it just rots and festers. It is hard but much better to unearth, accept, and even learn to love them. This process begins with acknowledging that the bad experiences do not define us. We are not parental alienation; it happened to us and our children. We are not defined by the rage, grief, and loss inflicted upon us by this experience. Recognising these experiences for what they are—events that occurred, feelings that were felt—is the first step. Viewing these experiences, even the traumatic and heartbreaking ones like alienation, as part of a journey that has yet to reach its destination allows us to learn acceptance. To deny these feelings and our ‘shadow self’ is to deny a part of ourselves, including how these experiences have shaped us. These events happened, and self-criticism serves no one. There is no need for shame; instead, work towards releasing the grief, guilt, and anger. Find strength within and shine your light not only for yourself but also for your child.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#traumabonding

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#narcissisticparent

#parentalalienation

#parentalalienationawareness

The Alienator – Charlie McCready

At the core of parental alienation lies a troubling truth: the alienating parent often harbours a profound animosity towards their ex-partner that eclipses their love for their child. This dynamic can be unsettling, as it reveals how personal vendettas can overshadow the fundamental duty of nurturing a child’s emotional and psychological well-being.

An alienator typically views their ex as an adversary rather than a co-parent. This perspective often stems from unresolved conflicts, feelings of betrayal, or even jealousy. Rather than seeking to heal or move forward, they channel that pain and perceived wrongs into a relentless campaign against their former partner. Their fixation on undermining the other parent can manifest in various ways—through manipulative narratives, distorted truths, and emotional coercion, all designed to create distance between the child and the targeted parent.

This hatred can be so consuming that it clouds the alienator’s ability to see the child’s needs clearly. They may project their bitterness onto the child, expecting them to take sides in a conflict that has little to do with the child’s own feelings or experiences. In doing so, the alienator denies their child the love and support they desperately need from both parents. The alienating parent may profess love for their child, but it is conditional and subject to the child’s allegiance to them and their distorted worldview.

The impact on the child can be profound and damaging. As the alienator fosters feelings of fear, resentment, and distrust towards the other parent, they may inadvertently instil in the child a skewed understanding of relationships. They may be led to believe that expressing affection for the targeted parent is a betrayal of their ‘favoured’ parent, reinforcing a toxic dynamic that prioritises control over emotional honesty.

Ultimately in their obsessive pursuit of revenge or validation, alienators are willing to sacrifice their child’s mental health and happiness. Recognising this truth is crucial for understanding the dynamics of parental alienation. It highlights the urgent need for intervention, support, and education for both parents and professionals.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#gaslightingawareness

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#pathogenicparent

Undoing the program of Parental Alienation – Charlie McCready

There is a time when the alienated child just cannot hear anything that is contrary to what their alienating parent has told them. It’s just too confusing. It means undoing all that programming, picking through all the lies, and manipulation, the denial of a relationship with a loved parent, and all the sadness and guilt associated with the way they were coerced into behaving. There may be times when a child can’t bear to hear ‘I love you’ from a parent they’ve rejected. It can potentially create anxiety, with the result the child may even reject the parent more. Sometimes, the attempt to make regular and/or daily contact with an alienated child has even been misconstrued as harassment. It is beyond cruel to not be able to tell our loved ones that we love them, but we have to wait for the right moment, the right conditions. That’s not normal, but it’s where we’re at, and learning about this pathology, much of which is counter-intuitive, is, I hope, helpful, which is why I post every day. It’s a ‘handle with care’ situation. ⁠

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If you are going through parental alienation, know you’re not alone. I’ve been through it myself. Personally and professionally, I have over 20 years of experience. I am reunited with my children and here to offer support with daily posts on social media and also with the coaching I offer. Feel free to reach out to me anytime.⁠

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#narcissisticabuserecovery

#narcissisticparent

#pathogenicparent

#coercivecontrol