Tag: relationships

Boundaries – Charlie Mc Cready

Enforcing boundaries can be challenging for the targeted parent. The child may have been told you’re mean, so when you don’t buy that pony or new iPhone, they immediately reinforce those negative beliefs. And, of course, this is ridiculous, and the odds are unfairly stacked against us. Is the alienating parent buying that new pony or iPhone? No? But they’re not the ones getting judged. All eyes are on us. That is how the alienating parent has manipulated the situation. ⁠

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The temptation to give in and buy the child their sweeties is strong. Make life easy. Avoid conflict. I truly understand this. I also realise that, having been denied time (a little or a lot), we want to make the most of it and have the best time possible. So maybe we do overinduldge, more than we normally would. This is not a normal situation. It’s so important to have boundaries still. If we keep buying them those ‘sweeties’, let’s say we could potentially be ‘feeding a monster’. I’m not saying our children are monsters. But they are in a monstrous situation. And we risk unintentionally empowering the child further in the process of parental alienation. By not setting boundaries, the child may continue to manipulate or exploit the situation, which can perpetuate the alienation dynamic.⁠

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Setting boundaries, even in the face of resistance or hostility from the alienating parent or the child, is crucial. It helps establish a sense of stability and consistency for the child, which can benefit their emotional well-being. It also communicates to the child that their behaviour has limits and expectations, even if they have been influenced to believe otherwise. By enforcing boundaries, the targeted parent maintains their own integrity and self-respect. It helps prevent further erosion of their relationship with the child and can allow the child to eventually see through the manipulations and realise the truth.⁠

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Boundaries are a means to protect both your well-being and the potential for healing and reconciliation with your child in the long run.⁠

Shift in family values

It indeed has shifted and much damage done ; but it’s shifting again to strong values centered around the children !

“Why would divorce increase the risk? In my clinical work I have seen how divorce can create a radical realignment of long-held bonds of loyalty, gratitude, and obligation in a family. It can tempt one parent to poison the child against the other. It can cause children to reexamine their lives prior to divorce and shift their perspective so they now support one parent and oppose the other. It can bring in new people—stepparents or stepsiblings—to compete with the child for emotional or material resources. Divorce—as well as the separation of parents who never married—can alter the gravitational trajectories of a family so that, over time, members spin further and further out of one another’s reach. And when they do, they might not feel compelled to return,” writes Joshua Coleman.

www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/01/why-parents-and-kids-get-estranged/617612/

Sex is sacred

Indeed it is . I prefer celibacy over the casual sexual exchange that’s been in vogue for decades .

I read it is like being in bed with 7 different people if the energy of those past experiences into your new partner unless it’s cleared .

I used to think it was just the previous relationship, just 1 but this newer info makes sense .

Sacred sex and honorable relationships mean more , certainly after the marriage that was a transaction for him , nothing more .

Christmas 🎄 and Family Estrangement

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse …’ But for us, alienated parents, that silence isn’t peaceful—it’s unnatural. It’s not supposed to be this way. Our children have been unjustifiably, most cruelly, denied a relationship with us, and the quiet reminds us of their absence. The pain is real and heightened on nights like this. I know from personal experience that Christmas can be an extremely tough time for an alienated parent. The sense of loss is heightened, and you can easily get caught in an emotional loop. You have to deal with not seeing the children and maybe even having your presents rejected or returned. Whilst I cannot make your children come back during the festive season or cure the absence of their presence and laughter, I’m here to help you manage these feelings and find your inner strength. I help many parents, like you, cope far better with the challenges that we face. You can learn to re-frame the way that you experience alienation, changing the way you think, feel and act. I will be working on this with my current clients and anyone else who wants to join my program or coaching. You can shift your perspective and regain a sense of peace, not just for the holidays but moving forward. Reach out for support. If not me, then those close to you who can support you when you need it. Take care, Charlie.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#parentalalienationawareness

#healing

#divorce

#FathersMatter

#mothersmatter

Truths

“I will be truthful with you and you with me, and we will find ourselves in this knowing.

People think that intimacy is about sex.

But intimacy is about truth.

When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them and their response is “you’re safe with me” – that’s intimacy.”

( ✍️ Taylor Jenkins Reid )

Art : Tomasz Alen Kopera